Papaya Mango and coffee

This is how am starting my day today. I am also going to Natales class of areobics.
I don't know how much I can keep up but I am sure goanna try. This will be my first time since I had my accident and since November.

I woke up in the middle of the night couldn't go back to sleep, I am sure that the delicious steak I ate at Novillea alegre in Escazu, had nothing to do with it. That is where we had dinner last night, Expensive but so well worth it, more details later. For now the reason I cried in the middle of night.

I woke up realizing that I am once again Single, Yes I have someone out there that cares.. But No one really in my life to care and to share my life with me. Many years of being alone, with no real companionship woke me in the middle of the night.
I don't feel the relationship I have With M, is how it should really be. No phone calls, only message contacts, and now no idea of when he returns or plans or anything. Is this how love should be? I cried very hard for more than an hour, I got on line and just stared at the computer... I drank water, I walked around, then I laid back down , comforted myself and saw my self in my bed in Vancouver,OH so many nights and days alone doing everything alone, Sleeping alone. I recall how I felt for a long time in Vancouver... it was a lonely place. Raining all the time making you feel recluse, making you not want to do anything... I really don't want to live the rest of my life with this hole in it.. I asked God Why? Why do you want me alone with no Companion?
Yes in the begining, like two months in the begining of my relationship with M, he asked me to come to New Mexico to live. I went I looked and I didn't like it. I told him It was too soon too... I didn't know him well enough to jump in to a living arrangement. I wanted more time. So I guess it has passed me now. The opportunity to actually have somone in my life.

How difficult at my age to have someone good in you life? I asked this? VERY, be back later going to the gym