Airing this life on line is a tough thing, but it has gotten me many readers, new friends, some possible buyers for real estate here, and more!
This is now become a ritual with me. It is a bit cathartic, and helpful at time's to allow me to see what life is about.
Something to be said about things in writing. I am going somewhere with this, I am about to share something about my life right now that is very painfull to me at the moment. But in time as I always say, it will be just another one of those hurts that I will look back as a learning experience, and question How much stronger do I have to become from all this?
To those who know me, I would like to hear if I am a selfish person, I been acused of that today! please share your thoughts or comments on this blog or my site www.absolutelybeautiful.net or marianna.love@gmail.com
I been accused of using people, of being a mean person, and more....I am not perfect I know this better than most! but I do try to do good things and help others and my intentions are not to harm.
Alright, The relationship of Milo and Marianna are no longer. It got very bitter today, as well as yesterday and the past week
I spent yesterday after I recieve a letter from Milo, only after I told him what an ass he is being and how I was needing his attention, which he only gives a smig of his time and I should be satisfied with a occassional msn message or note.
After this message war I began yesterday, he wrote and said he would not listen to me anylonger and to look for another man! to me that is a write off right? So I took it literally.
I spent the day at the Copa Cabana a hotel here in Jaco swimming, thinking, and being very down. I MEAN LOW DOWN.... After a few hours of that I walked to the beach stood and stared at the huge waves, thought about how things will be once again without a partner.. most of my life with out a man. Doing ok and making it work, surviving and taking nothing and making something good out of it! ITS A GIFT!
Face with all my fresh hopes of begining a new life with this man is gone, there was much more said, you can't imagine the things he has said in the past two days.
I walked and sat on the rocks and tried in my cluttered thoughts to make sense of what I should do here In Costa Rica. Then I drove directly to Eidas. When I arrived she was in the pool, said to me she was very depressed with her life, and what was going on. We both shared , I didn't reveal how really horrible I was feeling and what had been said today or the past couple of days, I just stated I was done, with Milo and that he had given me walking papers.
After many hours of talking bbqing eating, drinking a rum and coke and more talking. I came up with a plan of attack for my so called future here. I am going back to the states for a week and gathering the rest of my belongings , money and more, coming back and investing NOW in something and turning it around. THE TIME IS NOW! I may not have a huge fortune but I what ever I do will work.
I won't go into the sorted details of how things with Milo are not working, I will say he has no solution to our love, not a thought of how to keep me, or to solve the situation at hand. I have, and sent him three,he has not concidered one, he chose to stay in the states, for two more years telling me to face it and deal with it and to hang on.
With no plan of attack or how we will continue, no promise of seeing me soon or in the next few months or nothing really, only a message here and there. This is the life I am suppose to deal with from him? out of anger things can be seriously damaged, sometimes forever! and my anger caused by his lack of taking time for me, OR showing me that he truly loved m made him to strick back and destroy what we have.
His anger was far more raged than mine, his was distructive, not constructive, and caused me to think further about every being with him again. He used my leg, the injury my weak spot to hurt me more . Money, and then some! I am not a user, I generally give to everyone!
But to have someone whom you think cares for you to accuse of this, and tell you how selfish you are using the leg as the mode of the selfishness. To me is unexceptable. He threatened to undermine me on the internet, to cause harm to the new publication from Sport's and leisure, said do not under estimate me Marianna! was a shock and was cruel.
What have I done to deserve this from someone
I gave my heart to, shared my love with? and beared my soul, allowed into my life?
To only have him use it as a weapon, against me? I thought people who were joined together are suppose to unint and become strong, help each other and do what you can to be a support to one another? be a guide a strength, a hand when all those around you dessert you? not dump and then throw in your face all that they think they did ? and then complain about what they didn't get to do because they helped you?? Its your choice when you help someone, don't complain about it later that is wrong! When I help I help .... no complaints about what I could have done.... it was my choice! as it was his to help me when my leg was severly infected and on it's way to being removed, or amputation, and to top it off my house had not sold and I had no money! to use that as a weapon, to say I should be greatfull to him for not having an amputee, or walking around on two crutches was a sick and horrible thing to say.
Money, anger, the cause of most of the world distruction... there is money involved but soon, it will be solved.
I hate that this happened, I thought for sure he was a good man for me. I don't want to single again , but its a fact I am.
Love is not fair, neither is war. I been faced with both. War's many wars in my life. I have won a ton of battles, but at love the war is lost.
I won't battle love again.
cruelty is a horrible way for people to behave but yet many of us are very cruel to others and don't give it one thought that perhaps we injuried that person or many others around us.
Now today, I have had good things aside from the defeat of the love battle, the career is going to well here! I had three letters from readers about property. Wanting to buy from me or helping them with it. YES I CAN DO THIS TOO!!! I called the owners asked when I can show it, and made agreememts with them.
I have four places, that are for sale here.
One is a a retreat area in a beautiful mountain area, with stream and waterfalls, three cabins and cabinas. Its about 389 thousand, it sits on a huge plot of land. Details will be giving should anyone be interested.
This is a good friends of mines property they need to sell it because of financial problems.
I have 9 hectors of land one hour from the carribean coast, with a lake and stream. They want 190 thousand for it, it is beautiful would make a great hotel or resort area, or a wondefull resting place for someone who has the money to just invest! this is another tico friend whos father is ailing and they need the money.
Then I have three lots about a half acre, a little less for 39 to 45 thousand each. Located five minutes from Jaco and ten from the beach. Near Herradura , Los Suenos.
This will help me to hopefully gain the goal I inteneded when I first came here. To be able to buy my mountain view property soon!
Today I will mail Milo the money, check on oil change of the car, not easy here there is no jiffy lube or quick change oil places. Email Design clients, and hopefully gets some peace of mind back.
I have not eaten yet today its already noon or so, I don't know right now if I want to eat ever!
Was going to try to go the gym too, but i got up way to late today the foot has been extremely bad. RED SORE, and swollen. I bet this stress of Milo and I is playing into this foot thing again... I wish this never happened... the foot that is.
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