Monday started out a bit frustrating, message's sent to me were once again on the negative note... Then I found out that my photographer couldn't make it for the Rabbit Kakai surf competition. That was really frustrating, since I know it would be great copy for this Sports Magazine. I left to pick up Eida to go to San Jose to see these Doctors, she was not ready... The whole morning was just a mess. I went to talk to this guy about the ceiling work but he wasn't there... This is Costa Rica! Things are slow to happen.

About and hour and half later, now being 12:00 Eida was ready. We drove over the mountain in my car, slow as it is..We made it. She complained it was loud, it is loud.. Diesel makes a ton of noise.

We then went to this salon for me to get the nails fixed, they were booked till 4:00, that was the time we had to be on pacio colon so no go with that either! What a day... Eida was dressed up in a long black gown, I had Khaki brown tied at the bottom pants and pink and brown top on. We didn't look like we were going to the same place? I thought it was strange and said hey I will just buy a dress so at least were both in dresses for later when we go to dinner. Couldn't find anything in a short period of time.
Not a good day. Then we go to the clinic, I was the first one in.. I talked and found out prices, then waited on Eida for nearly an hour in the office. We then drove to Santa Anna, were I wanted to go to this Italian restaurant that I have gone to before, I missed the street, had to drive on the freeway twice back and forth, then remembered it was past the first exit over another mountain. We finally got there walked to the place after parking. And found it was closed.
We then went to another place, Eida didn't like it so once again I am driving to find a place to eat.. We finally went to this Peruvian restaurant in Escazu, it was good the desserts were divine, and the coffee.. But it wasn't that great. The price was high and I felt let down because of the day.

Driving back we talked about Real estate, With what money I do have now in this time, its almost impossible to buy something! Before a year or so ago before this big boom hit I would have had a nice place.. But now no. She said she hated to tell me this really I was knowing this before we talked. I have no idea what I will do?

All I know is that work is good for me, things in a few weeks will be very busy. So I just keep on working toward my goal, which was in the beginning to have a home on the mountain over looking the sea. I have prayed and really just put it in gods hands, he knows all my needs... And some how weather people believe it or not? I get provided for by some way or another! I am grateful...

I took yesterday to take care of business, Rocky had owed me some money, I went to the bank now for the fourth time to see if he deposited it, yes he had this time! So I then went and talk to Eida, for a min, shared with Ricky and Lucy my hellos, and talk to Hannah. Then I went to Helens to ask her to do the nails, ended up I did the acrylics my self, Helen said she knew how but when I saw what she was doing? I said hey I did a ton of nails for people I can do it, just let me use the stuff! an hour and half later I had them filled and painted! GIRLS THE THINGS WE DO FOR BEAUTY!

I had Called Tony the Driver, to talk to him about Panama, or Nicaragua, I need to go this weekend in order to get my pass port up to date. He agreed to drive me in my car for a reasonable price. So Thursday we are going to decided where I will go.

He Doesn't speak much english but we get along just fine! actually he laughs at me and thinks Im funny! I will try to get the camera fix so i can post a photo of Tony. He is not the typical Costa Rican, Tico, Hes tall, and from what I have seen many are sorta short.

Today I have to take Eida to Orotina to see the girls school projects, She is afraid to drive alone in her car? I don't know why but she said to me the other night... that she is? she Asked me If I drive alone at Night? I said of course? why? she asked aren't you afraid? No I answered.. I have done so much alone that its not scary to me.

I love the girls, so I guess I am like another auntie, a tia... they called me and begged me to go. So In a few I will get all dressed nice and go see there school projects. Its early Morning right now. It is cloudy, some what cool, and today Anna Carina comes! We are all meeting at the Del Mar for Dinner and drinks! I get to meet Marsh her architect roomate who is close to my age, single... he brought two girls with him on this trip, nothing like having some fun aye? wow boldly letting the girls know there are two? OOOOOOOK.

Well if anyone knows how to get this pentex optio camera off internal mode let me know. I am going to try to trouble shoot it online.

The Weekend

This weekend, different than it has been, was tiring if not exhausting.

Friday, I had to go to la flor, the development that I have been working with. Ron one of my Clients wants a recessed ceiling and lighting in his office, the only one I know that do this in town are the workers at La Flor. Most of them are Nicarauguan, so I thought perhaps I would go over to the office of Edwardos, he is my contact and now we have become friends. Edwardo is about 45 possibly years old, shaved head, 5 foot 10 light skinned, green eyes speaks with a
Tico/ British Accent. He lived I think in England for a while. Very nice man, he must really like my finish product there at La Flor because he sends all the time new Clients. I am so grateful for Edwardo. I promised I would have one of the furniture makers, as soon as things progress and people deposit me. Make him some nice gift for all his referrals.

Edwardo and I talked for more than a hour in his Florida style office with air condition. I asked if I could subcontract the gypsum worker, to do a special design in the ceiling of the office. I want to use bleached rustico wood, and an artist design in the ceiling to add a special effect. The clients that will be sitting waiting for a sales person will be interested in looking at it and create some sort of conversation piece.
Just and Idea I have??
Edwardo, helped me hook up with one guy. So I will go Monday before Eida and I leave again for San Jose and show him where the office is. That way we can get an Idea of the amount and begin the process of building it out.

Leaving La Flor, I then went to Banco De Costa Rica, to check on funds from a client. No deposits, so I go to a long distant store and call an leave word as to why?

Then I stopped at the La ferria, The Farmers Market, to get a few things. I bought Nonnie for my friend Rene who is sick, and figured I would call him to pick it up. I saw Arja and Eric there Too!

I stopped to see Eida, and Aliycia, in century 21, this is Lucy of Ricky and Lucy. My old friends I use to talk about long time ago. Ricky as Cancer, he is 29 years old. Light skinned Tico, handsome and super sweet man. I felt bad on Thursday thinking about How life is so short, how when you know someone and don't take the time to show them that you care,things can happen and before you know it there not around.

I felt impressed to just visit them on Friday. I was right this time, Aliycia was so happy to talk to me.

I joked with all the people in the office and then Aliycia and I walked back to the Farmers market where we had a nice conversation about life in general. It was needed, I felt happy to be a friend for her.

Both My Mother, father died of Cancer, My older Brother died of Cancer, so I think I really know how it is to deal with it.

We talked and laughed and then walked back, I wrote a recipe for her for some simple fish that would be good and light for him.
I then went to park my car and for the first time since my leg was injured I walked the town. I just wanted to see people.

I had gotten a letter in the morning from someone and I wanted to contemplate this letter, and just walk. Have you ever done this? It was different, I looked at all the tourists on the street. Seemed to be many this weekend, and ended up at Essees a Middle eastern friend of mine who runs an Italian clothing store across the street from Mas permanos.

We Talked for another hour, then I walked back only after I got a fat free tcby with fat free chocolate on top. I said hello to many people it was nice to be out and seeing people!

That night Rosie had asked me to go dancing with her, I wasn't in the mood, said I didn't think so and I was wanting to just lay in bed and watch TV. When a knock on my door about 9:00. It was Arja, she and Eric were going down to Rosies asked if I wanted to come along. I was laying in bed talking to Jordan with the cam and mic. So I clicked off and got dressed and went.

Eric Asked me to drive there newly purchased Tico car. Its Red just like a taxi, most of the taxi's in Costa Rica are red, some are silver. Its a four speed, and has this funky alarm.
Older Toyota. The thing won't start unless you press the alarm button that is on the left hand side of your leg by the seat. Its just hanging there...So I got in reved it up, Varrrrroooooooom and flew out of the little parking area, in our apartment. Only two cars can park there.

I started to go when the alarm went off, I laughed he said press the button quick or it will die, so I did and sped like a bat out of hell down the road. The Red Rooster, Gallo Rojo... It bucks like a chicken when you hit pot holes.
OK OUR STREET IS THE WORST POTHOLE ROAD EVER!! So you can imagine how the car was!
There is mud, water, rocks huge potholes on the whole thing till you get to town.
Flying down the road skimming over the potholes rattling all the way and clucking like a chicken as we went. I drove to the center of town and got out at Rosies. I was laughing my head off, Eric was afraid, and he laughed too after a bit. The dang thing kept Clucking I had to press it several times. It died once too. I want to call this Car Gallo Rojo, pronounced, Guyjoe, Rowho.
I have to find a rooster to tie to the hood that would be hilarious!

We Watched the parade of people, and saw some transvestite robbing men as they walked back to the beetles bar. Four of them looking like sexy girls, they would grab the men and gracefully search them stealing there wallets, we watched them steal like four mens wallets. Not a whole lot you can do, If you say something they may come and beat you up! They are fast.. And slick...
It was an eye opening experience for Arja and Eric. I already have seen them and I get very upset. Finally Rosie Called the Police, but they came late and the chickas were already down the road some where. We watched all sorts of things this night.
Helen was Selling Hotdogs Columbian style, In front of the Monkey bar with a cute hot dog stand that I didn't know was hers? She has lines of customers waiting for her delicious combination of. Chorizo Columbianna style, with arepas, or in a bun, with Smashed potato chips, a salad of carrots, and cabbage, pineapple salsa, catsup, mayo, mustard and cheese.
She has chairs so people sit around like a camp and watch all the traffic in front of monkeys. Eric, Arja and I walked over to talk to Helen after we had iced cappucinos at Rosies Eric wanted to buy a hot dog.
We sat and watched, wow what a night. It was slightly raining, women are all dressed to the nines walking in mud and dirt with high heels. I had sandals on and skirt and halter top. Arja a sexy top, UNLIKE A PORTLAND WOMAN, I laughed she is getting into the pretty way they dress here.
We then saw these two guys behind us, young looking surfers/ god only knows druggies? rolling around on the ground fighting, I noticed them first.
I said Hey look at this behind us? Helen jumps into it with her grease ladened spatula, and hits the guys and yells at them over and over she didn't give up! Hitting them with the spatula!! Its very dark no street lights only the lights from the disco.
I was laughing saying Helen leave it alone no no... Then they broke up she lectured them like a mom. Walked back and wiped her spatula and acted like nothing happened! Wow ok IM stunned! Arja and I are laughing and talking. When all of sudden I see this girl running in red... She is Crying holding her face running out of Monkeys!
Wow now what?

then I see a whole crowd of people, one guy comes running with three holding him right to Helens stand, she grabs water and washes the guys face. Someone was fighting in the bar too and the security sprayed pepper spray at everyone! I could see the cloud of pepperspray coming our way from out of the monkeys. I backed up everyone coughing, It didn't effect me, but everyone around me? Strange... I could smell it but it didn't do a thing to me. All the people were talking loud and now hanging out at Helens stand. Wow what a night.

After about a hour, not about 1:00, I walked back to Rosie's to help her close. I told her if she wanted I would go and dance for a while. So we walked together to the monkeys about half a block. Went in, talked to a couple of people we knew. The place is packed, Always is, Its PACKED... Dancing is nearly impossible. But I managed to squeeze in. I started, Rossi watched, before you knew it I had two guys dancing with me. I danced straight with my boo boo leg for more than a hour. That was enough. I wanted to go I was soaking wet, Hair was dripping. Clothes were soaked. So Rosie walked me back. But before that.

I was sitting at Helens chairs resting she, had given me a chorizo on a stick, eating it dripping wet.. when Adrian saw me sitting there and yelled out MARIANNA GO HOME!! too late for you. I will be back in Ten minutes to take you home, Well I thought that was nice. Since my car was at home. I had rode with Eric, remember? so I asked Rosie to walk me back get my Key's and purse. When I got back Adrian was coming down the road. He flashed his lights for me to come. I got in with him and from the moment I got in the car untill he dropped me off, He lectured me in Spanish about me being out. Funny, he really is my protector. He told me he goes by my place at night all the time and makes sure when I am not home that no one is doing anything to the house! He watches for me... I was so glad that he has this personal admiration and care for me.

He is so nice, no charge for the ride. I need to do something nice for Adrian. He works hard driving, and has a nice family three children.

To bed at 3:30, fell asleep when the thunder began! Actually knocked me out of bed. Honestly its so dang loud its scary. I don't know why but here, it may be that the mountain is right next to us and the beach is behind us, so the electrical forces are strong. ITS LOUD!! Eric commented on it.

Then on Sat, I drove to Punteranas to a surf competition. Rabbit Kakai.. The most famous Surfer aside from the Duke. I interview several people involved in the competition and met some world re nouned artist's and surfers.

I am writing for a magazine that will be in the states called: Sports and leisure. It goes to 7 different countries! so this was the first Interview. I had a good time with these guys. Lots of people in this beautiful hotel in Punteranas. They offered me and Eric and Arja a drink. So they sat behind me as I interviewed them for more than two hours.

It was late now and the rain began so I drove back, only to stop at this pescadera, to have a fish dinner on the ocean. We got out and then got ate by mosquito's. God there were tons of them...so dinner was not that enjoyable.

Got home called everyone who had called and rested. I was resting peacefully when another knock on the window! it was Tony. The driver I use for clients... he was in town and wanted to say Hello. He brought a bottle of wine. So he and I drank the wine and talked about work. He left around 12:30. I was so tired... Then I woke up at 6:00 so my weekend has not had much rest. LEts hope that today is calm, nothing to do maybe just swim... and sleep.

Camera stuck on internal memory

Can't seem to figure out how to get my camera, optics pentex off the internal mode, It wont record on the chip. I have photos I want to post , so if any one knows how to get it off the internal memory that would be helpful.

Yesterday did not go as planned, I did go early to my appointment to meet a client at a new office and conference room in the new Mall here in Jaco, Now imagine this, its not like you think of malls in the states. It is on a single road here in
Jaco the whole town is centered on one road, that is almost near the beach. The Mall sits three quarters of the way towards the end of the town. Its two story, wraps around a corner and has a center court. Its not huge. The monkey bar is right next to it. Monkey Bar is probably one of the most famous places here in Costa Rica. It is just a disco that use to be all open but now has air, and the owner who was an American just died recently. So this office sits right next to it. It has a huge Guanacaste tree in front cover most of the front of the mall.( silk Tree) there massive here.

It was so Hot when met my liaison not the owner at 9:3o a.m. I was all dressed up ready for the day my work and the ride to San Jose. It was so hot that my hair which was down not up was completely wet from the sweat. I was sweating so much it was embarrassing. We were in side the building the heat the humidity was so bad that I Could barely breath. I kept asking to go back outside that at least there might be a slight breeze but they continued inside. We made the plans for the office, It is pretty extensive work, the ceiling is going to have recessed lighten ,with rustico trees intermingled. I will contract and over see the work. I am going to be acting as a contractor I believe for many of the steps of completion, but for now its still not much work.
All the houses I have in line are not done the clients are still emailing me back and forth from the states.

After I went by Eidas souvenir shop to pick her up but she was home. I went to the house and she was in here bathing suit? I said what the heck aren't you going to your appointment? She said he had cancelled earlier in the morning, So no go.

Right now there are two wrens at my door its open and there singing to me the humming birds are flitting from one feeder the next. I just had to mention that before I forget. All the birds are so friendly to me strange, Sitting right at my glass door not entering but looking in and singing.

So Eida and I decided to Drive to Orotina where her Children two beautiful blonde haired blue eyed daughters go to school to see there science projects. We drive the rain is pouring. It was not raining in Jaco. We Get to Orotina and miss the project by thirty minutes, The children were already on the bus, She calls her daughter to ask where they were, I drive like a bat, to catch them. But no Luck, they were already in Tarcoles. Too far almost in Jaco.

Eida and I decided to shop, look around so she bought three pairs of cute sandalas, and one bolsa. Sandals and purse. We ate lunch at a great place at the end of the road in Orotina, I had the best fish with lemon , garlic and parsley. Her too!

We talked for the first time as old friends. It was nice to spend time with her and just visit. She feels bad for me, you know,that I am hurting, about me and Milo. She suggested that I just move on and forget him.

As this problem with him being so far away, not really making efforts to take time to show he cares, I explained that our only means of communication is the computer messages, not even conversations on the computer like with a mic or cam? Is just not meant to be. She said obviously the man does not love you .
I have heard from many people who read the blog, of course its my side of the story. But I try to be honest about how things are. Many have said you don't need a man! I know this better than most! Raising two sons,( no financial help) running a business, a house a huge garden, with out help for many many years. I have proved this over and over that I don't need a man but I want the companionship the need is the love the touch, the laughter, the smiles the fights and the making up after, Not the help or the money! It is nice I won't lie but that truly is not my aim, never has been or I would have been with some rich ol geezer by now.. God knows I have had some opportunities. But
I just couldn't do it, MONEY IS NOT THE MODE OF MY INTENTIONS. I AM A ROMANTIC! HOPELESS...

Love is just like a garden.

I am a gardener, I haven't had one to work in for more than a year, but I still remember how it is be attentive to the garden and how love correlates exactly with gardening.
You plant a plant or a flower, you trenderly put the young beauty into the ground, in the beginning its a new life, you want it to survive, you water it you fertilize it nurture it and hope that is grows. As it grows it begins to develop into something larger than imagined or hoped for if your a good gardener???
It gives you happiness, sometimes work and aggravation, as you need to tend to it often so it doesn't get corrupted, weedy, or deceased. YOU TAKE TIME AND CARE FOR IT. You watch it flourish and grow and it becomes a thing of pleasure, beauty and sheds much happiness into your life by its flowers, or its abundant growth.

With love in the beginning you're very attentive, most people do there best to tend to the love so that it grows, they court or do special things, exactly like gardening you give the love food for growth by giving it special attention. Nurturing is so very important in love... Attending to it so no harm comes into the picture, tending to it daily so it grows.

With the hopes that some day it blossoms, into a beautiful flourishing thing of pleasure, Yes just like gardening, you have problems, but you work towards the resolution to the problem, aggravating at times, but with diligence you can solve most issues.

If not the plant dies, with lack of attention, with lack of water, food, and love.

Today I will go to the La ferria, I was suppose to go to Tamarindo with Christina, but the other gal who was going with us flaked and neither one of us knows the place, so we decided to try again nest Weekend. Maybe tomorrow her and I will go to Punteranas to the long board competing. Have a fun day!

Tamarindo is in the north of Costa Rica, another beach area so it should be fun, I had a call from Elena, her house got robbed again, she was so upset, asked about Milo, I told her the news.

Its cloudy today, I heard its not suppose to rain, but it sure looks that way! I hope not im a a happy mood! I feel alive again, regardless of the man!

Doing Well

Doing Well is not always easy for people, in that I mean to do well to others...

For so is the will of God, that with doing well ye may put to silence the ignorance of the foolish men!

People talk and say bad things about you? right? and its offensive and hurtful, but if you do well, there foolish talk will be silenced by the your works of constant doing well or good.

I do try to do this, I do try to be good to others, Not one person is perfect, yes you can forget how to be kind to others, but if you keep this in your heads, that doing well superceed the ill will that others wish upon you.

Now! I began yesterday here with Eida showing up at 7:00 in the morning wanting to talk to me about plastic surgery on her and me?? I was shocked to see her as she never comes here and at that time in the morning she is usually sound asleep!

She has been Depressed and just needed my freindship, we were just hanging out. I made us breakfast and we girl talked for more than two hours. I am trying to get things done like change the oil on my car, make calls to Rocky, to have him send more money for work I have done last week, and call new clients in Las vegas, Texas and New York. The oil never got changed they didn't know how much to charge, and then when I went back they were resting and said to come back later.
A police showed up at my house, asking me question's about a car, come to find out he was asking me to explain to the neighbor's, who were trying to buy a car from the police department. It was a car that they took from an illegal immigrant, with all the details, So I had to interpet for them and try to communicate to the cop what they were saying. He was tall, very confident, and not bad looking actually... smiled at me alot.
I get that her all the time, there is no problem with men smiling and looking at women here with intent. It is the way of life here, unlike the states where Men harly give you a look and if they do there afraid of being sued or pressed charges againts... one more comment on this then I will go on. I think its refreshing to be amired and looked at. In fact Its a compliment to me.

Nothing was said to me about private matters with him this was strickly business. He returned twice for me to talk to them. His name was Marteen.

Later, I laid down, for some reason the leg is flairing up, red sore swollen again. So I rested most of the day, and tried hard not to think about my love situation, (WHAT LOVE SITUATION??? THERE IS NONE) haaa I mean the lack of love damn it!

Then Arja and Eric stopped in to ask me to dinner next door. It was pleasant, we walked down to the soda and ate and talked. I had Fish, so did Eric, Arja had arroz con pollo.

Then I got the computer with the intention of writing my work for the paper, I took it went to Rosies so she could talk to me and visit while I did this.
When I got to Rosies, she was depressed, What the hell is everyone around me depressed? including me?? GOD!!! so we talked for a few short minutes when I heard Helen, who by the way I am so confused about... weather or not she is gay bi or what??? yelled MARIANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA venga!!!!!!! So I walked over there and sat and talked to her for a few minutes then the torrential rains started... the thunder began the ligthing was constant. So I drove home.


I laid in my bed with all the lights out watching the Show of lightening in the sky. The natural electric show was so incredible here.. you see lots of bolts with long fingers of electricity, huge strikes of light in the sky. Lighting up the whole area like day. The thunder is boomin. I was wishing someone was with me laying next to me, cuddling me, and watching this awesome power of the world. To see how powerfull the world is by its nature is something to behold. I could hear the sounds of the turbulent waves outside my window crashing againsts the land, the splashes of water on the window from the rain, and the sounds of the rain drops hitting the tin roof of the apartment.
For more than an hour I watch this spectacle, it was beautiful and amazing. It makes me feel in awe of how powerless we really are.

Then this mornng I woke up now at my usual time, 6:00 hearing the roosters crow, they still are and its now 9:18, the bird singing and knew it was going to be a beautiful day again In Costa Rica.
Today the OIL I SWEAR THE OIL HAS TO BE CHANGED!!!!!

I got one message from a reader about my last post, it was a positive note.

She told me how she felt I was an inspiration to her... So I hope that I do influence others, maybe that is my calling in life, if not for my children to listen but for other people outside my family to be inpsired and moved by my perception of life.

I have had three phone calls this morning already from vendors wanting to know If I need them, not yet... but Things are picking up.

Tomorrow I go to San Jose with Eida, for a plastic Surgery appointment for her, I may have them look at me too!! then when I get these two jobs done I think I May do it!
Friday I meet with several people, clients and vendors. later I may drive to Punteranas, to a long board competition, see some old farts surf, then interview few for the Sports Magazine maybe I do something fun!

I swear, next week if I have a week like this with very little work. I am going somewhere different for a day or so... just to see more and get out!

Lets see what today brings, aside from more hummigbirds and tall police.

Airing my Laundry on line

Airing this life on line is a tough thing, but it has gotten me many readers, new friends, some possible buyers for real estate here, and more!

This is now become a ritual with me. It is a bit cathartic, and helpful at time's to allow me to see what life is about.
Something to be said about things in writing. I am going somewhere with this, I am about to share something about my life right now that is very painfull to me at the moment. But in time as I always say, it will be just another one of those hurts that I will look back as a learning experience, and question How much stronger do I have to become from all this?

To those who know me, I would like to hear if I am a selfish person, I been acused of that today! please share your thoughts or comments on this blog or my site www.absolutelybeautiful.net or marianna.love@gmail.com

I been accused of using people, of being a mean person, and more....I am not perfect I know this better than most! but I do try to do good things and help others and my intentions are not to harm.

Alright, The relationship of Milo and Marianna are no longer. It got very bitter today, as well as yesterday and the past week
I spent yesterday after I recieve a letter from Milo, only after I told him what an ass he is being and how I was needing his attention, which he only gives a smig of his time and I should be satisfied with a occassional msn message or note.
After this message war I began yesterday, he wrote and said he would not listen to me anylonger and to look for another man! to me that is a write off right? So I took it literally.
I spent the day at the Copa Cabana a hotel here in Jaco swimming, thinking, and being very down. I MEAN LOW DOWN.... After a few hours of that I walked to the beach stood and stared at the huge waves, thought about how things will be once again without a partner.. most of my life with out a man. Doing ok and making it work, surviving and taking nothing and making something good out of it! ITS A GIFT!
Face with all my fresh hopes of begining a new life with this man is gone, there was much more said, you can't imagine the things he has said in the past two days.

I walked and sat on the rocks and tried in my cluttered thoughts to make sense of what I should do here In Costa Rica. Then I drove directly to Eidas. When I arrived she was in the pool, said to me she was very depressed with her life, and what was going on. We both shared , I didn't reveal how really horrible I was feeling and what had been said today or the past couple of days, I just stated I was done, with Milo and that he had given me walking papers.

After many hours of talking bbqing eating, drinking a rum and coke and more talking. I came up with a plan of attack for my so called future here. I am going back to the states for a week and gathering the rest of my belongings , money and more, coming back and investing NOW in something and turning it around. THE TIME IS NOW! I may not have a huge fortune but I what ever I do will work.

I won't go into the sorted details of how things with Milo are not working, I will say he has no solution to our love, not a thought of how to keep me, or to solve the situation at hand. I have, and sent him three,he has not concidered one, he chose to stay in the states, for two more years telling me to face it and deal with it and to hang on.

With no plan of attack or how we will continue, no promise of seeing me soon or in the next few months or nothing really, only a message here and there. This is the life I am suppose to deal with from him? out of anger things can be seriously damaged, sometimes forever! and my anger caused by his lack of taking time for me, OR showing me that he truly loved m made him to strick back and destroy what we have.

His anger was far more raged than mine, his was distructive, not constructive, and caused me to think further about every being with him again. He used my leg, the injury my weak spot to hurt me more . Money, and then some! I am not a user, I generally give to everyone!


But to have someone whom you think cares for you to accuse of this, and tell you how selfish you are using the leg as the mode of the selfishness. To me is unexceptable. He threatened to undermine me on the internet, to cause harm to the new publication from Sport's and leisure, said do not under estimate me Marianna! was a shock and was cruel.

What have I done to deserve this from someone
I gave my heart to, shared my love with? and beared my soul, allowed into my life?

To only have him use it as a weapon, against me? I thought people who were joined together are suppose to unint and become strong, help each other and do what you can to be a support to one another? be a guide a strength, a hand when all those around you dessert you? not dump and then throw in your face all that they think they did ? and then complain about what they didn't get to do because they helped you?? Its your choice when you help someone, don't complain about it later that is wrong! When I help I help .... no complaints about what I could have done.... it was my choice! as it was his to help me when my leg was severly infected and on it's way to being removed, or amputation, and to top it off my house had not sold and I had no money! to use that as a weapon, to say I should be greatfull to him for not having an amputee, or walking around on two crutches was a sick and horrible thing to say.

Money, anger, the cause of most of the world distruction... there is money involved but soon, it will be solved.

I hate that this happened, I thought for sure he was a good man for me. I don't want to single again , but its a fact I am.

Love is not fair, neither is war. I been faced with both. War's many wars in my life. I have won a ton of battles, but at love the war is lost.

I won't battle love again.

cruelty is a horrible way for people to behave but yet many of us are very cruel to others and don't give it one thought that perhaps we injuried that person or many others around us.

Now today, I have had good things aside from the defeat of the love battle, the career is going to well here! I had three letters from readers about property. Wanting to buy from me or helping them with it. YES I CAN DO THIS TOO!!! I called the owners asked when I can show it, and made agreememts with them.

I have four places, that are for sale here.
One is a a retreat area in a beautiful mountain area, with stream and waterfalls, three cabins and cabinas. Its about 389 thousand, it sits on a huge plot of land. Details will be giving should anyone be interested.
This is a good friends of mines property they need to sell it because of financial problems.
I have 9 hectors of land one hour from the carribean coast, with a lake and stream. They want 190 thousand for it, it is beautiful would make a great hotel or resort area, or a wondefull resting place for someone who has the money to just invest! this is another tico friend whos father is ailing and they need the money.

Then I have three lots about a half acre, a little less for 39 to 45 thousand each. Located five minutes from Jaco and ten from the beach. Near Herradura , Los Suenos.

This will help me to hopefully gain the goal I inteneded when I first came here. To be able to buy my mountain view property soon!

Today I will mail Milo the money, check on oil change of the car, not easy here there is no jiffy lube or quick change oil places. Email Design clients, and hopefully gets some peace of mind back.
I have not eaten yet today its already noon or so, I don't know right now if I want to eat ever!
Was going to try to go the gym too, but i got up way to late today the foot has been extremely bad. RED SORE, and swollen. I bet this stress of Milo and I is playing into this foot thing again... I wish this never happened... the foot that is.

Everything was taking time, the pedicure took two hours, the nails another hour, then the hair wouldn't accept the die. Being frustrated with all this I sat at the kitchen table trying to get peacefull in side.
Ken had called and said he was coming around seven, I didn't realize how long this all took and before I knew it here was Ken and Marica all ready to rock and roll.
Helen has walked over to Eric's and Arja's to chat, in the mean time I am getting upset cause I still have color all over my head my nails are wet the toes are wet and i was not going anywhere.
I Called for Helen to come because Marica talks so dang fast I can't understand one damn word. Eric and Arija and Helen all come. Now my little place is filled with people while I sit with die and toes and nails all wet. Now Im really feeling upset.

The party began, ( with out me) I just wanted some time to get ready but it was gonna be a while. Finally I asked if they could take Helen to town and get ready just to get rid of everyone so I could get ready. I tried to get dressed with out mussing up my nails but that didn't happen nor did the Hair come out well either.
I manage to pull it together, they returned honking the horn for me to come down. I thought we would all ride together but No, I could hear Kens cynical Voice and additude blarring over everyone else saying No I'M NOT TAKING HER BACK HERE LET HER TAKE HER OWN CAR.... Helen then got out of his and open the gate for me to go out with the car.
We rode it is a ways in the jungle, the road is rough but its kinda fun to drive! its like baha ing!!

We arrive to Mataplatino, its packed, lots of people singing, lots... everyone is having a good time we sit at a table near the dance floor in the over hang of the rancho.
Our backs are facing the River that I was told last night that it had Crocodiles in it. Every once in a while I looked around thinking one would be sneaking up on us, but I never did see one.
Everything was fine , I danced a little, I drank a soda, ordered some food with everyone. When it came is was great. The problem was I had no time to go the bank, I had five bucks, everyone was eating i ate a little and drank my soda. Then Helen sang, and the whole place was having a great time.


Soon Ken decided to leave, he didn't want to pay the bill, Helen had no money I had five bucks, and Marcia pays for nothing ever!!! Ken starts in on me saying I need to pay half the bill, now prior to this, Ken had drank 4 beers, Marica five, Helen, four straight Rum on the rocks.
Shrimp, smoked pork with plantanos, and fried chicken with french fries, yes French Fries in the Jungle. I had the least of everyone, yet he insisted I pay.

They wouldn't take my credit card, then Ken began saying horrible things to me, I responded saying I was not lying he called me a liar, saying for me to Cut the bullshit.... already the past two days i had been in this terrible Funk, and this sent me lower. A few days prior, I was explaining to Milo how I was tired of random men, dates or an occasional good time. That All my life I was faced with fighting off the worst if not weird strange men, who find me Attractive, the things that men to do get next to me that only want one thing. Milo response was Cut the Bullshit, this made me so mad that he thought I was lying about something I wanted him to understand. That I only wanted one good man in my life... that possibly having someone stable would prevent this from ever happening again. MEN Don't freak out but you all know what dogs are you! AND THE THINGS SOME MEN DO FOR SEX!

Then Yesterday while I was on the computer another man I once knew, was chatting with me. He began telling me I was a risk to be involved with, that I had not enough financial stablity, asked me what my net worth was and i told him. He is also cynical telling me how dumb I was pretty much, and used the phrase again Cut the bullshit.. I sank low in the chair when Ken said this to me. I thought why is he attacking me too? And why should I have to pay half the bill? If I had some cash I don't think I would have been so uspet but Iwas. Marcia tried to smooth it over in Spanish, She speaks no english he no spanish so the communication is very strange, although she doesn't she understood what was going on and was furious!!! he was being a total jerk calling me names saying he freaking pays for everything!

I went into depressed mode, I just sat even after they left I sat and stared and thought about the past week and how I felt.

Helen was having a great time, so I stayed untill closing and let her enjoy the night. I sat and didn't dance, it was apparemt that I was not happy,
We drove into town where hardly any one was about, only at the monkey bar, and Helen lives across the way. Dropping her off I saw Adrian the angel guy?? he told me to go home now that he saw many bad people out last night and was worried for me. I asured him I was not about to stick around, only dropping a friend off and chatting then going home.

I really hope today is better, Maybe soon I will go for a long walk on the beach to clear my head and get some peace back! Pura vida

Sitting in the house most of the day, worked on the computer, then Helen came and did a pedicure and manicure and died my hair. Tonight Ken and Marcia wanted to go out dancing.

I suggested the Tico bar that we went to last weekend. I will not be drinking because I am driving, besides the past two days I have felt very down, I don't think adding to that with drink is a good thing. I do want to dance though.. I am just in this funk... I talked to Jordan and Julian this morning, wow he is really growing even from a week of not seeing him. He is standing up and trying to walk a little, falls and rolls ROUND but he doesn't cry. Seems to be a very happy Baby.

Its cooler today the sun has been out most of the day, little white puffy clouds fill the clear clear blue skies. Lots of birds today and butterflies. While I was talking to Jordan, I had the mic and the cam on he heard the big red yellow and green tailed macaws. I ran to the balcony that is now filled with flowers from the plants down below that I have trained to come up the pole and onto my balcony. It has huge purple flowers, with hot pink boganvilla. A Fish tale palm that is giant in the corner, and various other plants in pots. It looks fresh. When I looked out there were two parrots sitting right above the balcony, they were yelling, I yelled back at them and they responded and kept responding.. it was so cool!! I wish I had a better cam, to have shown Jordan.
I would have taken a photo but something now has happened to my camera. It wont record the photo on the chip, it stays in the memory and I can not retreive it out of the memory. So I guess I do with out a camera for now. Maybe this is going to make my description's clearer. I dunno?


Now today I think I have made the decision to go to Panama, in July. I did want to go to the San Andres Island, with Milo but no response from him has made me change my mind. Now I will go in Sept to the Island. Panama for a couple of days will be nice. I hear it is pretty, and the shopping is great! so Maybe Rosie and I and possibly Helen, will all go. See what I find? Its about four hours to Panama, through the costal route, see Dominical again and other cities south that I have only read about.

It's a pretty safe ride, and with three of us it should be fine and fun!


Getting a pedicure right now as I sit on the balcony listening to the birds and all the cars flying by, the screaming parrots in the mountains and some other noises I have not heard before. Later in to two the cash machine for tonight. I don't know how many people are going but I am looking forward to dancing !

GOT back from the gym, Natalie is still crazy, no real routines only makes it up as you go and its tough to follow, the music I will admit was a little better this time. But I had a rough time, I couldn't follow so well plus I was worried they were doing step and don't think that is good for me at this time to try to go up an down a step at ninty miles an hour and spin!
I hate step... tired!
Helen showed up and of course didn't do a whole lot just sorta pretended she was working out! After she asked why the sad face, I guess it was showing I tried not to.
So I explained and dang it if I didn't cry.
She invited me to coffee at rosies for a morning talk. So I went. We did talk she told me that many people love me, and to not be sad. YES I UNDERSTAND but I have a need, and it hasn't been filled in a long long long time.

With out a doubt, something is not right . I have to see for my self why I should be alone with out a mate, a partner a lover a man. PERPLEXING, troublesome. And down right stupid!~~

I am not dumb I don't think by any means, I still have some good looks, so others say.. I try to be humorous, funny and candid. Pretty darn clean and organized?? umm I cook like a chef, I have made myself do all sorts of things, in life I have done much... so I am not one bit lazy... I love my children although there us times I feel I wasn't the best mom. No crazy life style? I don't get it! I use to be a pretty darn good designer too, shit I can do anything JUST ABOUT!!! I am not insecure! so what the heck?


Yesterday was a fun day, it began by driving the winedy road to San Jose. I had to go a show room to pick out all the interior essentials for another house I am working on. It was very nice Show room. Diaza is what it was called. I spent two hours picking out product , Helen running around like she owned the place and Arja and Eric, walked and found a cool bakery in Aluejuala.

We then left to go to San Pedro a suburb of San Jose. We were going to go and look at car's for them but it just didn't happen. I drove but really didn't find any used car lots. I felt bad, I wanted Eric to have a good time. He did stop at office depot and bought a mic for this computer. We went further now to another area of San Pedro and went shopping a little. Eric became sick, and wanted to sleep in the car. He has this chest infection thing going on where he feels miserable and coughs a lot. So us girls go and shop around, it begins to pour rain while were in the store so walking on the street is now not an option. Later in the Evening I took them to Escazu to eat at Novillo Alegre. It is an Argentina restuarant that has outstanding Steak or meat .. the kabobs we had for appetizers were scrumptious, and the steak I had with wine and garlic was sublime, melted in your mouth. I had a quick flash back of Milo and I sitting there and enjoying, while trying to get Arja and Eric to tell me what they thought?

It was a wonderfull dinner, expensive, I paid for Helen and I we had three drinks each, hors de orves, and salads, dinner. It came to $78 dollars. But it was well worth it and a great experience for them.

The ride back to Jaco seemed to fly, Helen and I talked the whole time and laughed our heads off... We had so much fun Eric mentioned how fast we made it back. I explained that the incline on the way to San Jose is much steeper, and with the no powered chinese wagon I have.. it barely makes it up the Hill (sure Brandon will laugh at this) I asked everyone to lean forward to take the weight off the back.. This comes as a joke? ok? then I actually made pushing motions but it didn't help the car get up the hill any faster, But on the way back the incline is going in the Jaco direction, so you go much faster and not as much shifting.

We stopped in Orotina around 9:00 and got and exchange fo some of Arja's previous purchases. Some Candy she bought was old, so I stopped and she exchanged it.

I did buy a guanabana, big green lucious fruit, three mangos, and some hocotes in Orotina when we were coming to San Jose. We all bought things so this was the stop to exchange.

Then onward to Jaco, WOW a lot of men at the beetles bar, this is a prostitue bar... everyone knows about it. IT was packed... thinking about that now. May be the reason I got so depressed about my situation. SINGLE AGAIN

Papaya Mango and coffee

This is how am starting my day today. I am also going to Natales class of areobics.
I don't know how much I can keep up but I am sure goanna try. This will be my first time since I had my accident and since November.

I woke up in the middle of the night couldn't go back to sleep, I am sure that the delicious steak I ate at Novillea alegre in Escazu, had nothing to do with it. That is where we had dinner last night, Expensive but so well worth it, more details later. For now the reason I cried in the middle of night.

I woke up realizing that I am once again Single, Yes I have someone out there that cares.. But No one really in my life to care and to share my life with me. Many years of being alone, with no real companionship woke me in the middle of the night.
I don't feel the relationship I have With M, is how it should really be. No phone calls, only message contacts, and now no idea of when he returns or plans or anything. Is this how love should be? I cried very hard for more than an hour, I got on line and just stared at the computer... I drank water, I walked around, then I laid back down , comforted myself and saw my self in my bed in Vancouver,OH so many nights and days alone doing everything alone, Sleeping alone. I recall how I felt for a long time in Vancouver... it was a lonely place. Raining all the time making you feel recluse, making you not want to do anything... I really don't want to live the rest of my life with this hole in it.. I asked God Why? Why do you want me alone with no Companion?
Yes in the begining, like two months in the begining of my relationship with M, he asked me to come to New Mexico to live. I went I looked and I didn't like it. I told him It was too soon too... I didn't know him well enough to jump in to a living arrangement. I wanted more time. So I guess it has passed me now. The opportunity to actually have somone in my life.

How difficult at my age to have someone good in you life? I asked this? VERY, be back later going to the gym

OFF TO SAN JOSE TOMORROW

WERE OFF TO SAN JOSE TOMORROW, ARIA, HELEN, ERIC AND I...
We are off to san José tomorrow to select the tiles and products for more than four houses, here in Jaco, but we are going to make it fun trip aside from the work I have to do.
I thought we would go to la garrita first go to the showroom and get it over with before playing in San Jose, San Pedro then Santa Anna. This will be the first time for Eric and Aria. Helen and I will have a great time, we generally do!

Today began with breakfast of these toasted breads that are similar to hard tack but not quite as hard. Crunchy and buttery, I had those with tropical honey fresh strawberries, fried eggs, and about four cups of great oro coffee. I worked on line and emailed clients, and then I made phone calls, in between messaging Milo.( It’s not going well in my eyes.)

Got ready to take Eric in town to look at a car shop and other things. I needed to get the car washed so I took it to the regular place and Sat with Helen across the street, ate chicken with beans and a salad. They take forever to clean the car but they do a great job. At Two I was suppose to be at this condo project Called Jaco one, to discuss the possibilities of me doing packages for more than 200 condos being built. The project is in presale stages, and it may be a year or more before they need me. The Early bird catching the worm here.

After I returned down the worst road in Jaco now My Street with potholes the size of swimming pools, picked up Eric (he had taken a cab back the apartment and was waiting on us.)
So Helen and I showed up took him back into town then talked to the guy who had the car. We had to wait for a while so we all went upstairs to the jungle bar, drank a Bavaria and watched the sunset.

The car arrived an old beater, land rover 1976 white beast. Roared with you started it up… They took off in it and we stayed and watched. We dropped Helen off at her house, and then went to the Maxi bodega to get a few things. Bought some orange liquor I have never seen that is made directly here, there was also some coffee liquor that I bet is really good. I bought many things, and then went home to rest the ol leg. I am now watching David letterman who is talking about the world cup. It is interesting because everyone here is so into this World cup.

Tomorrow morning Costa Rica plays again, God I hope they win so the party in San Jose will be wild! I love to see all the people flying about with flags on there cars, trucks, bikes and trees, houses, stores. They love Futball.

Not a very exciting day sorta boring, I guess I am back on the singles list now I dunno what the heck is going on with my love life!

One Hundred dollar Internet Bill


Ok when you got to pay bills here, there is no warning, no real paper work unless you have a post office box and then I don’t know if they really send out notices. You have to remember when to pay everything. I tried to remember to pay the phone but I was with Milo in San Jose and it was Due on a Monday when I returned Monday Night they had shut it off, even so I only owed 9 dollars. The Cable is the same way, as well as Ice power, Ice phone, Ice Ice Ice… pronounced ESAY.
Cabletica is the cable company pronounced CoblayTica. Racsa is the internet company but they work together? I don’t understand but its common knowledge here. Anyhow……. I go to pay the Cabletica bill, it is 20 bucks for the month, the Internet should be about the same. You cannot pay in one place for everything you have to go to each individual office to pay the bill. So I find out that you can pay at X MAS Permanos, I go it’s a western Union booth in the store. I asked for my number they couldn’t find me said I didn’t have an account. I went back to the house to look for the past receipt and was unsuccessful; I then drove Helen up to Renes, to introduce him to Helen for Hair cut pedicure or Massage. Rene Lives in this huge house on a mountain side over looked the whole stinking beach of Hermosa. The house is scary to me, I think if a bad rain comes that sucker my just slid right down that hill and on to the main road. He is doing all sorts of things remember I said I coulnd’t think of the name in California, I remembered it’s the Manchester Mystery house, she heard voices saying KEEP BUILDING, Well I think Rene hears the same voices!

I hate driving his driveway, its straight up and no turn rounds. We chat he show’s me the latest the pond the new pool being dug, the cute little doggie he got and then he show’s me his sores. Oh god! He has blisters all over his body, I saw it the other day it looked bad I didn’t think it was this bad. Helen and I agreed to take him now to the doc.
So we kidnapped Rene and took him to this allergy Doctor here in Jaco. Many people where there, so the wait was long. I was searching in my car remembering that I put the receipt in the car door I looked and found my old Rasca receipt. I asked Helen to take it and gave her 20 bucks to pay the bill. She had to walk a ways but was very helpful and said she would if I waited with Rene, Rene was wanting us to stay with him. Hes a huge man, He is so tall, wow, ex professional foot ball player then volley ball? Later teacher.
Graduated from Pepperdine Anyhow… big as he is was still wanting our security, and wanted us to stay with him.

Helen Returns to Tell me that I owe Many moneys, the bill is one hundred dollars? I SAID WHAT?? She said you no pay last month, I said oh yes I did she said no they say you no pay. I said HELL TOO give me that bill. So I get in the car rush down to the booth and talk to the guy he sees my receipt then says I don’t know why maybe you call Racsa and find out why so much? I never hear so much.
I have no idea right now why but today I will call and meet with Racsa to see what the deal is? I paid installation long time ago 90 bucks, I don’t get it?

I returned to Rene still sitting in the same spot no progress, then an hour later The female doctor dressed in all pink doc suit. Came out with a shag hair cut and ordered him in.

I sat Helen left to get ready for the Movie, Docelunes here, a hotel in the slight jungle so PRETTY WOW shows movies on Monday night free, only you have to buy a drink. They serve free hors de orves. So she was excited that Aria had suggested we go. Soon like 45 minutes later Rene is done, I take him and go back to my apartment to get some things and he needs to go home but were late, I told Aria lets go I will call a cab for Rene. He and Eric talked and Aria and I left.

When we get to Docelunes there is Helen waiting. We walked the long path to the rancho, that is a huge palm covered patio with rustic wood poles. The movie was the castaway with tom hanks. God I hate that movie.. so stupid. I have seen it several times too. So I ordered a drink ate the terrible hors de orves and sat it out. Returned to Eric, Aria an Helen once again on the patio to talk.

I took Helen home Aria rode with me now its like 11:00, we stop at Rosies to find out Negro the black dog that was hit by a car the same day as me, and broke his left leg was dead, he got an infection just like I did, but it manage to work its way to his heart. Oh Rosie was devisated, I cried I loved that little dog he would always come to me special not like the other clients there, he would come no matter where I was near her place and see me and lick me. One time I was across the way at Helens, five doors down he heard my laugh and came and poked his head in the door and said Hello to me,
Poor negro, life is short… you’re here one day and gone the next. Be Good to others, you don’t know what may happen, try to be kind, and take care of those you really love.

I held Rosie and we cried together, this was like her child she has no real children. I understand how it is to loose someone you love

Deep Jungle experience!

This weekend was filled with different emotions, The letter from Milo telling me he will be staying in the states two more years untill he can get back, shattered my hopes of having a great for once in my life relationship with a man that I truly adore. Funny how people choose money over love? this isn't the first time this has happened to me.

Paul Brown my boyfreind in Oregon, was hired to be a Gm over a huge furniture store in the northwest. Paul and I had been together to two and half years. I loved Paul, he was difficult but genuine, and generous, and very affectionate. That break up was difficult on me at my age.. he made the desicion to take the postion in Seattle and to break up with me since he knew I had a postion with the Columbian, and my own buisness in Portland. That would have made it a long distant relatiionship ( only two hours) but he knew how hard it would be.. we continued for almost two years more to see each other as often as we could. Then finnally I moved here, I have spoke to Paul a number of times he promised to come and visit but our contact has dwindled and now I never hear from him.
I understand his position, but there are always solutions to things if you want there to be! Enough said about this.. I am having a difficult time understanding life for me at the moment when it come's to being a part of a team that would be very dynamic! and Architect and a designer??? with Jaco building 7 story buildings house's condos and hotels and more... Would be have work here??? A YEAH! but Oh well such is life aye? things come and go.... this is one thing in life you can depend on, that is constant change! What did I learn from this long distant love? can anyone tell me please????

Right now the humminbirds are fighting around my house, there flying and fighting over the two feeders I have hanging in the eves of the apartment. The humminbirds here are huge... and very vocal. I enjoy my birds, in the morning this morning. It was a reflective time for me. I got up very early around 6:00 am, looked out and the day was filled with sunshine and shadows, the birds were especially happy since it rained hard last night and made them cold and wet. The sun warms their little wings and makes them very happy. I know it does this to humans too, it does me! I looked out my bedroom window to the sea and saw the huge waves crashing. The sound of the waves and the birds in unison, make beautiful music.

I made some strong cofee and sunned myself early just like the birds, did some heavy thinking about my life.. knowing I do have a future here in Jaco but for how long? no one knows. But I will stick it out and try to make things pan out here.

The growth of Jaco is scary to me, as I see how much the places are going for now, If work doesn't roll in I won't be able to live here either, then what try again in the states where the economy is faultering? NOT!

Today will be a day to pay a couple of bills run some errands and then talk to a few people about work. This week I have an appointment with a General Manager for 200 condos on the Costa Nira. It is called Jaco one, its right on the Costa Nera, it will have built in private infinity jacuzzis, huge pools three restuarants, and an event Center... So I need to try to get involved with this project this is one of 7 here in Jaco now. When I first moved here there was nothing, like this at all it's all broke loose in a matter of months. Can't imagine what its going to be like and who is buying all these condos?


This weekend was very fun, although as I said was filled with emotions. I manage to put things on the back burner like he does with me , and have a great time. Friday was home, Saturday was filled with visitors, and then dinner with Ken and Marcia. Came home kidnapped Helen and died her hair like mine, dressed he in my clothes and called John this new guy I met in town. He has Apartments and a house here, he has been coming to Costa Rica for Ten years, He speaks perfect Spanish. I got Helen all made up and invited John to join us he did, we decided it would be best if he drive us to this jungle bar that earlier Joey and Eida had offered an invitation too.

I was worried that is was too hard with the rain, and no white lines on the road. I don't see perfect at night. So he drove it was a fun ride, It took about fifteen minutes, we took a left off the main road on a small dirt gravel I don't know road????

The road was a gradual incline up into the jungle and the mountain side. It was very bumpy and like a rollercoaster, the rain was pouring and we were following Joey and Eida, Joey Drives fast, we loose him as were sloshing and jumping potholes, and swirving to miss them.
The Jungle is dark no lights no houses nothing but jungle and rain.

I looked to my left I could see nothing I looked to the right I could see nothing.. then out of no where we see Joey and Eidas car, flying down the dirt road.. Mud a splashing everywhere, huge puddles.. Then there we were, in the middle of the jungle a cool place all tropical style.

Tyical Tico style buidling but really nice. The roof line is peaked made with timber but not refined you can see the limbs but not rough. They call it Rustico, the inside of the ceiling is lined with bamboo and mat, the struture is all different roof levels. The dance floor refined bamboo. Very nice! very awesome music. All typical Tico music. Latin american Music. I am dressed in White cargo pants that have a draw string on the bottoms really cute, high heels made with mother of pearl, an orange sexy top that has long strans of fabric hanging kinda grecian looking. The people clear out there were all dressed up to date just like the states. I was surprized but happy to see that I fit.

At first I didn't dance I was afraid honestly to get out there and not knowing how my foot would respond. But later Joey asked and after that Wow I danced a lot. I sure did pay for it yesterday! But all in all a good time very nice music, marange, salsa, cumbia I did it all! So fun.. the place was filled with people the food was cheap and great, like smoked meats,and chips and beans.
We had a good time. Eida got tipsy but it was fun to watch her.. I drank three beers and had a bad headache most of the day. I think I was very dehidgerated, from all the sweating and dancing and not drinking water. It seems I can not party much since the leg thing!

We got home at 2:00 but they continued to Nacho Daddys, I was too beat the foot pounding.. To bed I went and read a note from Milo Mind you a short note that was not good news. He never calls me, and lately on weekends doesn't message at all, just a note.

Yesterday, I spent all morning Talking to Jordan and watching Julian, my grandson on the computer. He is so active, very curious looking and touching and very fast too. Smiles all the time laughs all the time, a very happy baby. Jordan has been telling him Nonnie, that is Grandma in Italian... and he swears he says it. I talk on the mic to them and when hears my voice he jumps and laughs! looks at my cam on the computer and trys to get me.. its so cute!
Growing very fast, this is great to have them on the internet at least now. I can watch how he grows.
Then I got my suit on after washing all my clothes by hand and hanging them on the line.. and went to get Helen to go swim at Rockies place. The sun was out for the first time in days.. it was beautiful yesterday. I swam and hung out then went and bought a huge peice of Fresh Tuna and made Helen and I a beautiful dinner of, Tuna cooked with soy, cracked pepper, garlic smashed, honey and marsala wine. BAked in a banana leaf with rosemary and fresh pinapple on top. Then I sauteed fresh baby veggies squash, carrots, chiote, and baby corn in garlic and olive oil, and a salad of Avocado and tomato and celantro. WOW was it ever good....

WE retired to the balcony where Helen massaged my leg and Aria and Eric came over. We sat and talked and enjoyed the sounds of the many frogs, the owls and night creatures, and the rain falling on the tin roof above.
Slept like a baby last night..... best in a long time!

I woke up this morning by four huge red, yellow and green parrots screaming as they flew over. For some reason the other day I saw a lot of them flying over. Helen was here, she and I stood on the balcony and I whistled very loud, they did an about face and then turned right in front of us at eye level! Wow she said she has been here a long time and never saw anything such as this.
Yesterday, I noticed in the morning they flew over again. Someone told me they have a keen memory and maybe was looking for me or the whistle they heard as another bird.
Today, I was waking up when I heard them flying over. They scream very loud alerting the neighbors in the trees that they are approaching. I jumped out of bed and ran to the window. I whistled and then the screeched and landed in the tree across the street. I ran back in the bedroom and got my binoculars and sat and stared at them. Wow how cool, the colors are so bright, the heads are huge and red with yellow on the wings and then green bodies.
Soon there after they flew away but they stayed for a moment as if to wish me good morning.

I heard them again just a few minutes ago along with a whole flock of peach face parrots. It made me smile, and I need that.

I know its not the end of the world, but yesterday shed some bad news on my future with Milo.
The corporate world that I hated so much when I lived in the USA, once again affected my life, and now our life.

Milo had meeting with his boss about work and his position yesterday. A week ago, Milo was ready to move here, made up his mind that is. Was going to sell his house and work here and buy a lot. He and I would begin either building or selling or something. I felt happy, but I didn’t let him know how relieved I was that he was now finally coming to Costa Rica to be with me and begin a new life.
Now The work load has been changed, his life and mine are now affected by what has happened. The future is on hold for two years.
The way the men are here, and how I have had to deal with some of the men is not something I want to do.
I could say more, but I just don’t want to deal with more men, I just want Milo in my life.
For now He has no answers, nor did he say much to me about this situation.

He has not left me a note or called, or message me… but he has filled his weekend with things. In the mean time I sit alone thinking, wishing I had someone close to talk to.

Last night was bad, I was very sad… for the first time since I have been here felt so very alone. I was lying in bed fully clothed with the Costa Rican colors red and blue and white on. I wore it earlier for the game. I took the Portland couple Eric and Aria, to the la ferria, then we went to the bank which was a joke, with the world cup playing the banks and all businesses were closed until the game was over, So no money.
We ended up going to Rosies, and sat and watched the game. I wore the red and blue like I said earlier. Everyone in town who is Costa Rican wore the colors. I thought it was fun.
We sat drank iced coffees and talked. I met a man named Pablo there and I think he and the couple and I are going to go up the mountain on Sunday. He is here to buy land, Maybe I can help him with this?

We went up to Rene’s house on the way to Esterillos, I wanted to just drive since I heard the news about my life changing here with Milo. Esterillos as I have said over and over is where I want to build a house, Milo and I had agreed on this now… who knows?

Rene is this big Mexican American that uses to be a pro foot ball player and volley ball player / Teacher in his later years. He has this enormous house on the top of a hill side in Hermosa. He wanted me to stop, after I heard the news I decided to go ahead and see what he needed. Just my advice, Seems Rene does want to be friends. But the dude needs to hire me, After Eric and Aria met him and saw the process of his crazed building he told me he needed me or a good foreman on his house. Rene had actually caught some of the workers sleeping and was paying?? Then he hired the, back after, he wasn’t mad. I would have fired them! Then Yesterday as we drove up one of the guys was drinking beer and talking to him. As we left his ciaos, I called him the mystery castle in California, right now I can’t think of the name but that lady kept building like a crazed woman and Rene is dong the same thing KEEP BUILDING….
Anyhow as we left some drunken dude, I said in Spanish BARRACHO!!! Was stumbling down the hill side, Mind you this is huge hill very steep… I could not believe he did that right in front of Rene? An Rene let him leave with out firing him?
We left Eric as in amazement over him, I drove to Esterillos, I showed them the place I dream about they loved it! Then we went right to the beach, and had a beer in this little place right on the water the only one in Esterillos, its not much of a town at all. The bedroom community of Jaco, I believe is what will happen here.

I was watching a surfer while we where there, come to find out it was My Italian friend Carlos, here he was clear over there too just like me. We talked and said our hellos and left.

When I got back I was very sad here alone thinking about what may happen here…. How I will try to continue with out the hope of having someone in my life now.
I heard knocking as I was laying there fully clothed, It was Adrian, the Taxi driver that saved me on the road. He just wanted to visit, and see how I was with the leg.

He is such a kind man, very concerned about my health and says he sees me all the time at the soda, just wanted to visit. So we did, he ended up massaging my leg, and gave me strict advice on how to take care of me, the leg and more. SAID HE WANTED TO BE MY PROTECTOR!

Maybe he is? I don’t know but he shows up always at the right time???? I really needed company I was so very depressed, sad… all I wanted to do was get a buzz, sleep, or eat everything! That is my way of dealing with things sometimes… but he prevented me from doing all the above.

He finally went back to work, and I went straight to bed and slept like a baby till this morning…. Now Still at 10:22 am no word from my heart throb…. So I go to town get the money for the rent then come back do my planned walked that I wanted to do two days ago. The beach…. Maybe I will walk all the way past jaco…

Lets try this again: Yesterday I had a blog all writen ready to publish, hit publish and the page went blank. Guess the dashboard was down?

Gloriavell was here in the morning two days ago, she was in crisis mode, needed help financially or physically with a place to stay. I offered the place to stay. She stayed for hours. Crying sobbing, talking to me in spanish. But she talked so fast I couldn't undestand a word she said. I felt frustrated, because I couldn't communicate better with her. I wanted to give her some motherly advice, but it was a very difficult situation. She continued to call on the phone, talk to milo on the msn,while I worked on this little trunk for Rosie, gluing on shells.
Finally Helen came by to do the neigbors hair, she talk to her gave her the talk I wanted to give in spanish, by me talking in English and she interrpeted. It worked out good, Gloria left for work, and I have not heard from her since. That was two days ago, Mind you I have not seen Gloriavell in months, only when she needs help.

Later I drove Helen to Elenas, to give her a pedicure, I acted as the assitant and helped, made coffee and layed with my foot up for a hour or more while she worked. Elena lives in the country in Herradura, you have to go down this pothole filled road with rocks mud and now lots of water, you pass pastures, some typical Tico houses, a store and then come to what I call a ditch bridge. It was sunken down some, an look as if it was gonna cave in.
Then you drive a little ways more, make a right,(No Street signs) down this one lane path of mud. I mean Mud.. quads would be perfect but you would be covered by the time you get to Elena's and Terrys. Terry was busy making ropes for his new boat, Cow girl there cattle dog was happy to see me. She is all black with blue eyes and some gray on her coat. I don't know the breed, but she is very friendly to me, she is getting to know me now. She laid right besides me as I rested my leg. I pet her and she kisses me incisivley,
Yep she is getting to know me well.

We are there for two hours, Elena and Helen talking very fast tico, I can't understand. So I just listen to music and relax.
Then TErry backs my car out since they have one of the little ditch cover bridges to their house too, I don't like it since it is all broke down and if I don't back out just right. I go in the huge ditch. So he helped.
Then we went to mas permanos, saw Eida there,she asked Helen to do her too. So Helen came got her bike and went to Edias, I talked on the computer to Jordan, he got a new computer and we made a date to talk yesterday.
He is getting a web cam so we can talk and see each other! I can't wait to see the baby.

I then went to Eidas, she asked me to come and talk with her and Helen. We stayed up till one am. so Yesterday morning I was very cranky.
I had a nice morning, I ate eggs with toast and honey, and pineapple. Then I worked on the trunk till Helen showed up again to do both my new Portland Neighbors hair. She cut Erics,and died Arias hair. Arias took all day, she died is all one color, then bleached some parts for highlights then added this pretty red to it. Now I want it! it looks great. We then after the day went to Rosies, and I presented the trunk, and candles I bought for her. She was very happy. We ate dinner and talked to Cliff this American who lives around the corner here, Hes weird, I think anyway. He has a very awesome house, but you never see him with anyone. A recluse I think?

Then This really big guy pulls up its Rene. He comes over and almost falls in my lap. Everyone laughs, I told him he would have had a soft landing didn't matter.
He pulls up a chair and sits with me,and talks nothing but about his construction, and how he got screwed on this and screwed on that. He says he doesn't need any one to advise him, but From what he said AAAA YEAH HE DOES!
But wont hire me to be the help.
But he said come by my house, I need you to look at something tomorrow.
I dunno if I will.
One thing on my agenda for Friday is, pay Carlosm but I might not be able to since its the world cup today, and costa Rica is playing against Gemany. The whole country is shut down. THEY WATCH AND SCREAM<>
THEn I want to go to the la ferria and get food, then a shot at the clinic and then I wanted to swim. The weather today may not provide that its rainy and very cool. Actually it reminds me of Portland in the few months of summer, like two I think? Aug and Sept, when it rains and its still warm. But for her its cold. I am so adjusted to the climate now that this does actually feel cool sometimes cold. It is still around 78 degrees.

Have not heard from Milo much, he is still sick. IT seems like when he goes back to the states he is so busy he forgets to take time just for me.

I talked to Brandon last week it was nice to hear from him, sounds like things are going good.
Oh this is funny, one of my tico friends just signed on on the MSN and his has photos of the socker team jumping on it. Ready for the game!

Green Valley

Green is the color of Costa RRRRRRRRRICA now. Wow waking up this morning was like looking at a video game. The color of Green is very strong , The night rain changed the surroundings.
Previously I had said that it was getting greener, but wow today I really see it. I know that Portland is green and very beautiful, but Costa Rrrrrrrica is even more so. Every shade of green imaginable from Deep almost black green to Pale almost yellow.
The temperature has dropped conciderably. It is very pleasant most cool.

Last night I could hear the sounds of the rain pounding on the tin roof that covers the apartamento, The tin amplifies the sound, making it at times very loud. But even so I fell alseep with no problems.

The birds are not singing as much today, but I already had visitors while I was drinking my first cup of coffee. I big black Cackle came to the balcony and ate his breakfast, I had set on the railings. The humming birds are busy drinking the nector from the two feeders I have hanging.
The soda Down below is busy with taxi drivers and men eating before going to work. Its always busy in the morning with men. Trucks, buses, surfers flying by.

Two waved to me today one I recognized it was Adrian, the taxi who picked me up out of the street, he sent me kisses in the air, and waved very big. Said in spanish COMO ESTAS?? I answered Bein, es MEJORE!!! the best. HE just now called out Honey! I'm going have a good day. He is a very kind man... Thank god for him!

I have no real plans today, I may take Helen to Elenas to have Helen give her a pedicure, Then I don't know what the day has. Yesterday was a strange day, but it did have some good parts, though most of it was strange.
It began when I picked up the phone and found out it was shut off, Now I know it is due before the fifth, they send no notices, or bills so you have to remember to pay everything like this. It was temporarily disconected. I owed 8 thousand colones,which amounts to around 16 bucks or so in dollars. I had no idea that it was due! So I waited for a massage therapist that never showed up in the morning, then I took the new Portland neighbor to town and showed her how to pay your bills. We waited only for a few moments, then I paid both phone and power. ICE CONTROLS EVERYTHING.

On to finding Helen, for Eria, She needs her hair done. Helen is no where to be found, Maybe she went to San Jose.

Eria and I go farther down the road to Eidas and Joeys place, we sit and begin to talk when a street sweeper comes by not once but four times and blows rocks dirt, and dust everywhere, I have forgotten to mention that the street is no longer pot hole hell. When Milo and I returned this weekend they had paved half the city main road. WOW A REAL ROAD!!! everyone is so happy. So as I was saying this street sweeper came by at high noon with no notice, and shot dirt like you have never seen everywhere. Getting ready to pave the area in front of there businesses. Eida was pist, she had just, I am not kidding Just cleaned everything, put new plastic sleeves on all the shirts, and beach wear that hangs out front of her souveneir store.

We all ran so we wouldn't get dirt all over us or have rocks shot at us. I laughed inside thinking how weird ok? why the heck didn't they do this like at 5 or so in the morning when no one is around, and the shops are closed? but high noon? it sent dirt on everyones food sitting at Jaco Bell, and it sprayed rocks all over the shop.
They didn't even have someone come and warn you, to say close your doors, ,move your cars, were going to clean.
Well we talked for a few brief moments, I scolded Eida about the preposed weekend we were suppose to share. She had excuses, said she doesn't talk to the answering machine, but while I was sitting with her I noticed she called several client's and left messages with them on there machines?
I don't know, it was her idea that we get together but the whole weekend with them fell apart.
It was ok we had many other things to do, and other friends we visit with.

Then we walked down the alley anita, to Cristina's and Joes, Joe was hanging out Cristina was in bed, she hurt her back fell while cleaning the pool. We chatted with Cristina for about an hour or more waited for the rain to stop then left.

We stopped at TCBY, and I bought us a yogurt, then stopped and said hi to david the furniture dude, then traveled back mid day to the house. That is when everything got strange.

I tried to open the door, it wouldn't open I tried the other door it wouldn't open. Alrighty then! I have no other access but these two glass doors, and I was not about to break glass to get in.
Then Eric the new Portland Neigbor, tried. He couldn't get it open either. It was stuck for some reason? We both tried nothing... I was walking off when Eric opened it.. ok this is strange. After I thought oh well I will try later and not get worried about it, it opened? maybe not strange to you but to me it was.

Then I got a message on the computer the minute I opened it, it was miguel. The guy who took me to the hospital this last time, He lives here now and works at Century 21. He asked to come over? I said sure come on over. Well he shows up, and begins to ask me to move in with him???? out of no where??? STRANGE DAY.

WHAT? I said What? why ? he said he needed me to live with him, I didn't understand his logic but I disagreed and said what it the real reason your here? he kept flirting with me, I said hey drop it, You need to be a friend an that is as far as it goes. I got my computer out to check mail, he pulled his out and got on line too? ok now this is weird???he never has done this at my house? QUE SIEMPRE!! What ever!!
As soon as I got the computer out I got a phone call, it was Gloria vell.. GLORIA VELL? Have not heard or seen her in months or longer... She asked if I was occupied? and I said no why? in spanish now not in english. She asked if she could come over? I said sure, Miguel a freind of mine is here but your welcome to join us.

I asked before she hung if she would bring me some bbq chicken. She said yes,a few moments later she showed up at the door. SHe was pleasant in the begining, acting very interested in the apartamento,looking at all the pretty things I have done to it. She hugged me and sat down. I made plates for her, Miguel and I.Then I poured a glass of wine for her and I. As we ate and talked she said she had to move out of her place, had no money for it and needed a place to stay for less than a hundred a month. I knew what was coming. I would allow Gloira she is a good kid, still works at the taxi company and is very decent. BUT I have people coming from the USA in a couple of weeks that I commited to this morning. So now I have to tell her no.
Miguel swoops in on her.
She gets this phone call from Marvin, a taxi driver who I know and she is very familiar with, well Marvin is crazy for Gloria, but Marvin is married. Four kids this guy has... Marvin and her talk a long time. I tell Miguel lets go outside and let her talk.
I tell Miguel look you need to understand our freindship. I have a man so lay off with the getting me to be with you idea! he laughs we talk about other things, then he says he likes her??? BROTHER! MEN!!! he goes in while she is crying and asks her if she wants go with him? WHATEVER????

So now Gloria is very confused. Marvin calls my house. Now I am in the middle of all this mess. I am inocent I want them all to do away!

Now Miguel takes over, says Marianna let her stay for a night or two, I said Miguel you have a huge house, I know you just met her but you let her stay with you? he says if she does ohhhhhhooooo I said fine ok one night.
So he tells Gloria he will take her to get all her belongings, Now im freaking. I dont want all that stuff here, my place is small. And besides what is the real drama? is it that Marvin pays for the place and they were fighting? or what? I don't know but its not good.

Miguel takes Gloria to her place to gather up things. I am worring, and cleaning up the room. When Marvn calls more than once. I finally told Marvin, JUST GIVE HER THE RENT MONEY so she doesn't have to move in the pouring down rain. I am sure she will pay you back?? he agrees to call her cell, that I think he provided....

Then Miguels calls, says god Marianna, she has a nice place We need to just lend her money, I said Miguel if you want to then go ahead, I am offereing my place for a day or so till she can find a place. He says I like her,,, I said fine then do it? he asked if she would pay back, I say I thnk so? but how do I know? It's sorted ok, now I am thinking I want my peace back... PLEASE EVERYONE!!!

Gloria and Miguel come back ,I am laying n the bed watching the boob tube, resting my now swollen ankle. It is begining to hurt so I stay right where I am at when they enter the house.

Miguel comes in the bedroom saying Marianna I like this gal I think something serious is going on with her and this marvin dude, I said oh well? she is standing right there but speaks very little english.
HE continues, tries to pull me into this by talking to Marvin, I don't want too. Then he asked if he could use my computer I say ok, then Marvin shows up. NOW there all here talking I am in my room. What am I the medium for this whole ordeal?

Gloria and Mavin talk for about ahalf hour, Miguel is on my computer now he is playing chess, Im getting aggrevated... I want everyone to leave.. It was like 9 now. I tried to be nice I said nothing allowed everyone to do what they chose. Then Miguel asked if he could have RUM... I said NO just flat out no.. this is Milo's rum. I don't touch it. He bought it for him and I don't offer it. Sounds mean but I knew if I did that he would be hanging and then really doing stupid stuff.

Marvin calls me out to the balcony, I said Im not getting up my leg hurts, Gloria doesn't want him in the room tells him to stay out there. So he sits forever... GOD NOW WHAT?
Finally some how Marvin tells her to go with him. THey leabve Miguel tries to hang, I say Im going to sleep now. Just to get him to go... wow this was not the evening I planned.
I sat after they left and thought ok what was this all about? I almost had a live in there for a moment?

I listened to the rain and talked to Jon for a moment on line and waited for Jordan to come on, Since now he has a computer. I was hoping maybe he had put the msn on so we could chat. But no.. I fell alseep.

During the night I got up the power was off, the rain was pouring and I thought back over this whole day wow ok this was a strange day, even Milos MSN would message me it kept cutting off, I had other people message but he couldn't talk to me. He is still very Ill. So I was worried, thinking all this in the middle of the night GOD JUST GO TO SLEEP I thought... so after afew I did.

Now today, the plan is not very big, I just hang out waiting for calls, email potiential clients, and talk on line. Maybe as I said take Helen to Elena's But now Gloria vell just showed up, trying to find someone to help her so I must sign off now