Just passing time preparing to change gears

Really I been relaxing and releasing my worries. Making the plans to change my gears here and begin a different plan for life. I actually feel very happy, young and healthy. Not much diffferent happening except there has been fighting next door with the Dominicans. The Apartment building is very close to ours, everything ecos and they are extremely loud. There is one lets call her Camela. This woman has a dark deep husky voice, she is black as black. Always she weres a long wig black, and seems to yell everything out so the whole world hears her. I don't care what time of day it is or night she is belting out Spanish to the point of aggitation! I try not to be aggitated by her but she is so loud and so constant that you can't help to want to say BE QUIET... but I know If I dare to shout that out I am becoming like her and this will only cause her to be more exagerated.
Well the last couple of days there has been much commotion across the way. Loud arguments in the evening. Lots of drinking, lots of visitors. I heard the girls are working girls and the business like most of the business here is down.
So they have nothing to do but to drink and argue and be disconitent about there lives. Last night I was outside on the phone with a friend, I have to use the cell phone out in the driveway as my apartment sits under the owners, like a two story house but its separate. It is below the ground level with a patio that is sunken. VERY NICE but no signal on cell phone. Ok so I am out in the small one car drive that is made of laha, that is a slice of rock paved like tiles it bumpy and it was dark so I am stubling about on the phone listening to the girls yelling. Then hear a scream!!! one runs and the other after her. They call there friend she is screaming. I think one stuck or jabbed or stabbed the other I heard the word Sangria, that is blood.. Then I saw a car pull up fast and take one of them away then another car came and took the one that was injured, he demanded to the others outside to give her papers so they could take her to the clinic. Wow we Raquel and I were standing with out mouths open and thinking they are crazy over there.. LOCA!!! well last night I was at Rosies, Raquel is staying here again for two weeks before leaving for Spain. She is sick so I said she can stay and recoupe because they sold the place she was living in and only gave her a two day notice to move. SO I AM HELPING HER and she is helping me. This time she is respectful and has given me money, and is being very resposible now. Ok so anyway! I am at Rosies, Raquel is here sleeping. When she hears commotion again screaming and yelling and fighting. Everyone in the niegborhood gets involved including Raquel. Thank god i was gone I don't want to hear any negative things in my life. I am trying to change gears to a positive situation!!! so Raquel ends up Calling the police as well as most of the neighbors and they come, they stand out side look into the gated areas.They ask what is going on that was it. They shut up but the police typical here did not one thing. NOT A THING... same as when my car was stolen and crashed NOTHING!! but the good thing was they shut up and hopefully the rest of the week it will be calm.

I was planning on going to San jose this week, talk to my doctor about something and make a day in the city. Eat a nice lunch and check out something different for a day.
I was trying to go on Tuesday, a friend from the states was gong to take me but at the last minute he called and cancelled. So today I am walking to the bus station which is about 4 miles or more, buying the ticket and spending the day concentration on what I want to see in my life.
I know exactly what I want, I have for years put things into action, like my rock star parking when I lived in the states for an example. When I wanted to park my beautiful CADDY CTS in the prime spot I would call it out say it out loud and I would get itn 95 or more percent of the time. Positive Parking additude. My friends always knew where I was by seeing the car in the Rock star parking spot all over. From Portland to Vancouver Washington. Seattle too I had someone spot the car in Seattle one time and say wow you always get Rock star.. My answer was yes I wanted it i call it and i get it. This way of thinking is something I lost here... BUT NOW ITS BACK.. not for parking since I don't have a car, but that is coming soon. And in that weekend in Puerto Jimenez I learned allot about me,and remembered the power i have inside me to do what I set my heart to.
My sister bless her heart is very sick at the moment, this is the one that has said some pretty harsh things to me?? always put me down for things I said I wanted to do and dreamed abuot. She labeled me a dreamer... the very first time I heard this from her. I was so offended, I was angry and felt as though my sister didn't know me or love me.But she didn't understand me, qnd the power I have in side of me. Although I love her, I would always be uspet at her non acceptance of my ideals.
NOW in the past week, I realize in reading this wonderfull book, that Its not important that sahe doesn't believe, because I have proven over and over that I have a trememdous power in me.

A few examples:
Young girl, my idea was to teach swimming, I was 15 I began classes, didn't know how but I wanted to do this to share with others and make money while enjoying my families pool. I put out posters at the schools. In a little time I had over 35 students. I taught for some five years. Many successes!
Younger than that: I was ten I wanted a luau, didn't know what they were really, I told my mother and I began doing research myself. I had my father build me a hut with palm leaves... I hand made all the leis, my mother and I worked on a menu and I made flower floats for the pool. I had set my mind to do this and at that young age made a very cool party that people I know to this day still talk about.
Now more important things.:
I wanted to win an art contest, I entered in high school a national one, I believed I was going to win, I searched for the best Idea, I planned and I worked everyday after everyone went home from school on this huge mural... Well I won! and it was put on display at the Courthouse in California!
Moving on to other things, I wanted a flower business I spoke it out, believed it, figure out how to do it, I became a master at it and ended up being label as the the Queen of Holiday decor, the master of floral creations,
I wanted a column in the paper, I spoke it out, Many days I spoke it out I told friends and with in a month I was offered a column from the local paper.
I have used this over and over... BUT WHAT HAPPENED HERE is i allowed all the negative thoughts I have had to take over and rule my life. I am recalling the caddy, I told my son when I saw the commercial I want that car.. it was not possible financially,IT JUST wasn't but I heard the voice of my father saying you need that car. I took the boys on Mothers day test drove them an made up my mind I was getting one. I DID
Same as my house, same as coming to Costa Rica! I wanted it a believed, I visualized my self here and it happened.
So now you understand, my sister who is not able to read this but I am putting it out there.. that DREAMS DO COME TRUE, and with out dreams you are not realizing what you can achieve.
There is much more about my life I could share, but I stated some months baxk I was working on a book and I wish to write it so well that is a great seller, and helps others to be inspired to break out and and live your dreams. So being a dreamer is the best Complement that anyone could give me!! Because I know how to make dreams come true, and From today onward, I am working on new dreams, and they will come true

It has been cloudy for two days but hotter than heck

It has been Couldy, but hot. I walked alot on Sat, I had gone to the Amapola to type a new contract for one of the sales people there. After walking this long distance, no one was there to speak to me about it. I began to walk back on the broken side walk that is infront of the hotel, stopped and got a bottle of water at my friend Diegos place. He was super depressed, I talked to him more than an hour and cheered him up. Encouraged him that he is a good a person, a good business man and that he could do anything if he set his mind to it.
I believe the same way. I can do anything and I will be doing well soon. We laughed and talked he was so happy that I had stopped in to visit. He said every time I am feeling lower than low you show up and change my day! THANK U. I felt so alive after that, I was preaching to myself as I was talking to him about his life.
I been reading the book the secret, Tina sent it to me in that box I got it is an amazing book and Funny, but I have had alot of the secret and didn't know I had it and forgot how to use the secrets to life and that is the reason for my bottoming out. I fully understand the laws of attraction and this is what happened.

You as a person has the power within you to change all things, and I am changing things NOW.

The Trip to Puerto Jimenez was for an interview, but in reality it was a good expereience in knowing me better. I love the lifestyle of luxury, or finer things in life of good wine, good food nice clothes beautiful things... being there in that resort was a treat! showing me that I do deserve better things. living here has been a blessing. Even with all the disasters. THE REASON IS, it had to show me what I have been doing wrong for a lot of years. Negative thoughts, negative words. It goes back to my parents, all this I found by recounting the experience in Puerto Jimenez. Remembering my childhood through that visit to this primative third world area. Trying to make all this corrolate is not easy but I will try to explain.

I had a mother that always said she could not afford this or that.. so growing up I always thought it was too expensive for this or for that.. That was stuck in my head. In reality I was from a pretty well off family. We had a pool, a beautiful home, always nice cars. I never ever wanted for food I was a fat little girl always most of my life. I never wanted for clothes I had everything. I didn't have bedroom for alot of years but after my sisters moved I got theres. But the good thing that comes from this type of thinking is you learn how to make do with very little. Living here I had learned how to be stripped of all things, yet still survive and yes now be happy. I have seen the absolute lowest levels of poverty and still did not say THANK GOD FOR WHAT I HAVE...
THank you for those who have helped me in my life, you knew how to give.
I was able to see and area of the world that I probably would have never seen. I enjoyed first class food and accomedations for two days. I enjoyed the wildlife and the beauty of this country in a pristine untouched way. I also learned allot about myself in those four days. Positive thinking has much to do with what happens in your life. THe second day Iwas not positive, I though he is going to hire a man. I believe that I put that in to action. Because in the second day Brian the GM acted different with me. I should have cancelled that thought and thought NO HE IS HIRING ME... I continued to think this the whole time. Now I see it was nothing but a good little mini vacation and a learning experience. THERE IS SOMETHING BETTER FOR ME TOO!!!
I think for the most part I am pretty positive but I allow negative thoughts and negative words. I am going to seriously change all this. I have already seen results in the past four days.

I still have my dream, and now I have new ideas. I know life is like a mirror you put out something and it reflects back to you. So from this moment I am putting out the things I want to see! Try it see if it works for you

No job

Well I finallygot Crocodile to call me back only to say they hired a man and he starts Sat... so back to who knows what?!!!

Friday Feb !5th

I went to bed so late around 3:00 am, not sleepy thinking and reading. So getting up today was tough. I was suppose to Call the owner of Crocodile Bay at nine but I over slept. I called at nine thirty and he was at the bank. I had called last night to discuss with Brian the position, and to ask when I was working. They have not officially said yes but I need to be positive and let them know I am. He suggested I call in the morning and talk to one of the owners. So I am waiting to call back right now. Just sitting in the pation area that is in front of my apartment, its shady and a tiny bit breezy, drinking my first cup of coffee. Then as soon as I talk with them I will walk to the office which I have only been there once this week. I may have someone interested in buying the furnishings. I would have to walk to her office which is really far, at right now I wouldn't mind because the money is more important than the walk. I sure hope that Crocs owners have checked all my information out before I talk to him because, I think the position in Crocodile would be such a terrific change, and a great learning experience.

As I said before its really third world there, but the resort is first class. I would be spending the majority of the time there in that enviroment. Which I am acustom too. With only going occassionally to Golfito I am sure and to my home at night. They told me only one day off is the rule there. So On my day off, swim rest, and relax at the house. Much different than here.

I am at a point in life that I really just go with the flow, Changing my lifestyle is not that difficult for me. I have accepted many things living here. I believe it has made me stronger than ever, and a better person.
Haven't seen Rosie in a while, she is having issues with employees, the business. I plan on going tonight and visiting her cheering her up. Sunday belly dance with her, I want to go and have our usual dinner. MONEY IS COMING I FEEL IT.( need it in order to do any of this)

Not much to say again

Thank u for your love

The day of Valentines was simple, I went to the soda, ate my usual, then walked about a mile or more to the post office. I got a box from Tina, it had some towels, little chocolates, two boxes of hearts that had the little messages on them. Some bath crystals, but I don't have a bath tub! two nice cards, popcorn which I love and some tea. After picking up the box I walked to the beach and went in the sea for a few minutes. Then I opened the box, I enjoyed seeing my gift from My friend of many years. She sent me something I was wanting the book of the secret. I began reading it and was so please that now I had a positive reinforcement to help me change my thinking and turn myself about. Really needed at this time. With out real income, trying to make a go of returning to the top once you have hit bottom.
IT made me smile.... I walked to the store later bought some charcoal thinking I would bbq this fish that Raquel gave me. Got it all home marinaded the fish with what I had here in the cupboard. Got ready to cook it, called out the landlord and asked where my bbq was? he said it had rotted and he threw it away I sat for a moment, there is no gas in the oven... I thought again ok I micro wave it. So I made dinner, Steve alis and Raquel came over and we ate together for Vday. They had dates... I just hung out. Nothing special today..

I want a day were I have it really special huge celebration making up for Christmas, my birthday, Mothers day Easter, all that and this day too! Soon would be great. I am placing my order now!

For the whole word today is a special day. I don't have a love that I can spend the day lwith or be special with. I have no idea what my day has instore for me. I want to wish All my family, a Happy Valentines day. I send my love, I hope you enjoy the ones you love much and show them that you care.

I am thinking about you. All my family which isn't much.
To my friends, best of love this day to you also. Thank you for caring about me too!

Just a little more about Puerto Jimenez

Although It is rustico, wild west is better to describe it. I find myself thinking about the way I felt when walking the whole area. It reminded me of when I was very young. I spent lots of time alone, playing alone and walking. I lived in the country vineyards, not many people around, I had brothers and sisters, but they were all very much older than I, and didn't spend time with me at all. So I spent time in the fields playing alone, in the dirt playing making things. And walking lots down the roads in the fields across farms. I Would talk to the animals, and pick up bits of glass and rocks and collect them. I have always been a nature lover. I would climb trees, and stay for hours just watching down below.

So in thinking about this place it kinda reminded me of my youth. The surroundings a bit different from where I was from but similar in that, most of the area was flat but this was flat rain forest. Lots of vegetation, but no paved roads. It was very hot were I lived as a young girl was always hot in spring, summer and fall. So I spent time in my bathing suit outside or shorts and hardly nothing. Thereb were chickens, and ducks and dogs, much like when I was young. The chickens in Puerto Jimenez vary from very small airicanas, to larger roosters and chickens. I love the chickens. Then I saw an abundance of Parrots, various colors. Close up really close like with in two feet of me. Some flew right above my head if was a little taller possibly could touch them this is how close they came.
So many different birds, Some I didn't recognize, I have a guide but these were not on the bird list. Green small like tanangers. Many sorts of yellow birds, Bright red with some black. Small little tiny black ones. Lots of varieties of blue birds. Cranes, herrons, peach face parrots, white catttle egrets eagles, falcons. I was in awe of all the animals. I saw crocs, and Camen, lizards, iguanas, sloths. More I don't know the word in english but its a sort of small pig, pisquinee they call it here I ate it twice wow delicious. Ugly little things but good.

I didn't see snakes but Iwas told there are many there. I did see beautiful horses, fat ones much healther than here.

Really I was thinking If I only had seen this place before I could have invested my money I lost on a great place, it was the dream I had when I came here only incorporating a bar. Because every place I saw no matter what time of day it was, it was full. What a nice place to have a quaint place like BELLA ESPERANZA. Yes it was a dream, it still is something I want to do. If perhaps they hire me I will research on where, and try my best to fufill this idea I had orginally. It is the perfect place for this.

Not expensive there, A twenty minute panga ride to Golfito. Golfito is a town where all the imports are. EVERYTHING ITALIAN lots of clothes Appliances, just everything you can think of is at whole sale price there. The best of the world I have heard. So you have a nice little place in the tiny little town. you go twice a week in the panga to buy the best of the best. The Freshest fish ever right off the dock near the business, wild life! and fresh air. Great beers, great wines, the most incredible coffee and the sweetest fruits you can imagine. To top it off!!!! GOOD MUSIC to make the People feel at home, or welcomed by the local type of latin mood.

I want this... some how some way I will ... no matter what these people think who read all this.. I will do this. And those that really know me personally know.. than when I say I will do something!!! I WILL DO!! when I told my friends I wanted to come here they , were shocked and I am sure some didn't believe. But when I did they knew. Same as all the other goals I have had in my life as silly as it sounds right now because I am so damn broke. THIS SHOULD BE AN INSPIRATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE. Don't look at what your dealing with here and now, try to look ahead. Think about what you want, then set your mind to it and keep going. I did this with my weight. I was heavy the majority of my life. I recently stayed with a friend and she helped me understand why and how I was heavy. It was a security thing. I hated it all my life... HATED the way men or women would look at me. And believe me they treated me intirely different than When I meet people today at the wieght I am. I changed it with will. I lost close to 130 pounds. Right now I wieght about 126 the skinnest I have ever been, but when I lived in the, USA I was carring the weight of 264- 70 pounds. I lost much through jazzercise, but kept the weight of about 150, never could get smaller.

I will do this, I have lost track of my dream. I need to think about what I really want. Its not important to anyone but me but I do see myself helping tourists, and serving them great food. And having people happy in my enviroment. Most of all Making a nice success... maybe for my children to profit from one day

15 hours on a bus

I just got home from Puerto Jimenez, what an experience, what a trip.

I am so tired even though I slept alot on the bus. Its now 7:30 pm. I Woke up at 4:00 a.m. walked to the bus station with my bag about 6 blocks in dirt at 4:45 am. By the time I got there my feet were dirty and I was sweaty from carring the bag. There was a group of people already gathered waiting for the driver to bring the bus out. This was the most unorganized situation I have experinced. They wouldn't sell me a ticket prior nor did they sell to anyone there that was waiting and the bus was sold out. But they allowed all of us on the bus with no seats.

The underpart of the bus where the luggage goes was stuff with boxes and crap, I mean it it was crap. I don't know if they were delivering this to San Jose, but they would not allow anyone to put the luggage in that compartment. So it was all in the doorways and above in the storage if it would fit.

We rode for hours before we stopped to have a break, I couldn't use the bathroom because there were so many. I did have coffee, and an empanada. We were only there ten minutes. So no time to really eat.

I must say the country side was very pretty. IT was un describable, too lush to describe it looked like some sort of surrealistic movie or video game. REALLY it was beautiful but long. I don't have a camera so no photos to show. I can say this I was amazed at the height of the trees. I am glad for at least being able to see the rainforest before it is gone.

I slept so much on the bus.
This bus was old and uncomfortable, no air conditioning and it was hot in some areas. Most of it was cool so it was not needed. It got a bit scary when we stopped in San Isidro, because no one would tell me how I was to buy a ticket to Jaco, or how? I was upset the bus driver this big fat unshaven mess wouldn't talk, the helper tried but didn't know how to get the ticket either.. AS I said unorganized.

You see the day before I walked all over Puerto Jimenez trying to know the city finding the bus station after hours of walking in the blazing sun. IT was more than hot there, the streets are all rocks and dirt. Very dusty because of no rain for a while. Its very crude, rustic and its not all flat so the walking in the heat and dirt is draining. I waited in front of the window of the bus station for I must say about ten minutes I was losing my patients while this lady was on the phone talking to her friend. She didn't care that I was waiting and now I understand why because they don't sell tickets, then when all of the travelers not locals get on they tell them the bus is full so the locals have seats first. I figure it out about five minutes after entering the bus, I told the man in spanish I was not standing, that I had gone the day before to buy the ticket but the lady was to busy gossiping on the phone to sell the ticket. So I grabbed a seat covered up and closed my eyes.
That seat lasted for about five miles then I had to change, I finnally took one and when someone tried to make me move after I was in it for an hour I said sorry its mine!!

There was many travelers with back packs, from Swizterland, Germany, Canada, Austraila, and I don't know all where but the bus was a chatter of all sorts of foreign languages.

IT was a long long ride, I finally decided to stay on that bus and take it to San Jose and then take another one two hours back to Jaco much easier and safer. But the bus driver didn't drop people at the station he dropped you five blocks away. That part of San jose is very dangerous. I was left in the street A little paniced because I didn't know where the station was and I had very little money.

A man hailed a cab, asked for a tip but I didn't have any change. Got right to the station but the bus to Jaco was full, I ran to the end where they sell the tickets but it is closed on Sundays. A nice looking young man said in english take this bus to Quepos, its not full and it goes by Jaco.

I knew that was true so I got on the bus and it took off in less than ten minutes. I slept some more but this bus was nice very upgraded clean no air but nice. I was sleeping good When I heard a crash!

THe bus ran into a car, he was nervious and ran out of the bus leaving all of us in with the main door locked. It got hot everyone was getting upset, and hot. I told someone to yell to the driver to come back and open the door so we could get air. I finally did it and got everyone to open their windows. We got the door open and all exited the bus till the transit police came, we were in the mountains so it took a bout half hour. I was exasperated, tired hot, hungry and had not used the bathroom all day.

After 45 minutes we got back on the track. I made it home. After many hours in the bus about 16 hours.

The interview went well it was two days, I got to stay in the resort one day and ate breakfast lunch and dinner. The job was for the Food and beverage director. But PtJ is dirty, rustic and not much there at all, I felt like I was back in the early 1800s.

I will write more tomorrow I am very tired,

Its morning In Jaco sun is out hot again. I hear the construction going bright and early here at 6:00 they begin.

I read the comment here on the end of the last nights blog, this one. Wow amazing how nice the people are that read this. JOKE! ok not nice... glad it makes you happy keep reading.

Alright about Puerto Jimenez: this is a very primative town, seriously none of the buildings have been updated since early 1800's my estimation. IT could be later but it looks so old.

It is not very big at all, one main street, one main restuarant, but I found several on sides streets that looked like they were more modern. I ate at one called Jaunitas, mexican style. Ok food. I only had nachos, but the beans were Costa Rica style sweet black refried.

They have a central park area but its only for socker or baseball.

The bay is quite large, has many big boats, sail and fishing mostly. No yatchs. I walked the whole bay but not to the other side which is a beach called Precious beach. La Playa Preciosa. I heard its nice. But it was so far to walk and I was hot and tired, I just turned around and walked back.

I saw lots of special resorts, there are many first class opposite of the town itself.This is probably the support of the whole community. I read in there local paper that the goverment alloted monies to rebuild the one lane landing strip in a field there as there airport.

That ride over was nice only took an hour. The plane small prop engine, I sat right up front with the pilot. It flew most of the time over the Pacific ocean given you great views of the shore line.

The reason I took the plane over was The resort Gm offered to give me money for transportation figuring that I would take the plane first, so I was fresh for the interview. Then returning on the bus with the transportation money since I was not in a hurry to get back to Jaco. Well all that went well, but they never gave the money they promised. Even though I carefully mentioned I needed some help finding a room and transportation.

My friend that lives there, he works on one of the big fishing boats, he paid for my room for two nights. Very sweet of him. During my walk through and about the whole town I did not find a Banco Costa Rica and no teller machines. So no cash... I kind American gave me $20 thank god, That is what paid for the ticket and my food home.

I met him at the lodge, he spoke with me quite alot before I left, then seeing him again the night before I left at this very nice bar opened by a Spainard. Unusual for the town, classy nice furniture great lighting, in the ceiling was a large sun made of bamboo above your head the center being above the bar the rays reaching out, and the bar itself was shapped into the rays of the sun in very beautiful wood that is available there. I was invited by my friends that night since I love to dance and the whole area goes as a social thing.I didn't drink I drank water and danced I visited with everyone. Lots the guests of the hotel where there and they all recognised me and talked. That is how the American who was fond of me ended up questioning me as to if I got the job or Not? When I told him I wasn't sure yet that they would notify me next week, he asked how are you going back to your town flying? I responded no on the bus.. he asked how long I told him. He said oh wow! he said you are a classy lady is that going to work? I said why not? I have too.. I am shy of money love! he then slipped me the twenty and I gracefully accepted. Nice gesture and thank god! it was just enough.

I went back the Cabina around 11:00 so I would be rested for the trek, up at 4:00 as I said in the begining.

I thought perhaps my friend in the PJ would have called to see if I was ok but he hasn't as of yet?

Well off to the soda, eat and see what I can do to produce work this week. I have not heard one word from any of my proposals, even though I have called and emailed. Things are due this week again GOD!!! time flies.

Not A whole lot new

I sold the car but it still sitting in the lot next to my apartment. I haven't a whole lot to say.
I have been pretty quite the last few days. No beach, no work, just trying to get something going is all I have been occupied with. Two of my friends came by this morning and invited me to breakfast, althoough they didn't treat, they just wanted my company.

We all go to the soda then back to the house. We walked all over looking for a new apartment for one and possibly myself incase the job in the osa doesn't come through

I manage to get a ticket to go to Puerto Jimenez on Thursday, I will be interview in person there.
My Friend there has called me about ten or more times in the past two days.
He is so happy that I may be coming to that area. In talking to a few people they all say the same thing. That it is super nice there, muy tranquillo... bonito.

Its another Toursit town but much better no drugs no robbing, safe, and the people are good.


Again not much to say except I did eat twice today. I just walked from town its late at night. I broke my shoe on the way home so I struggled in walking dragging a shoe. I stopped at Helens and had a beer with her. There was nothing to do we just talked, about me leaving. She agreed it was time. And that she too was leaving. Going back to Columbia after living here 11 years. She said Jaco is dead. To many drug dealers, too many robbers, and too many putas.

Well its late going to the bed now. I feel a bit weary. I wanted badly tomorrow to do a pedicure but Money again is an issue.

I think I have given up on communication with my family, I am the one always communicating, with very little response. Maybe its best for me, to just stop. One day they will wonder where and what I am doing. MAYBE?

Rarely I talk about men in my life, this last post was what I experience here with men, how they lie about what they really are and how they want to try to give the impression of being so inocent. The man from Denver never called yesterday, it is as well. I find this is the pattern of alot of the men that visit here. It's a good thing I had no relations period with them. This is what I meant as being smart. not allowing my heart to be involved with these men, not putting my trust in the lies. Yes money comes and goes.. so if whom ever it is feels I am stupid by that last comment, and you get pleasure out of someones dismay, then it was a pleasure to make you laugh. Obviously you enjoy beating people down. My question is why is it that you keep reading if you feel I am so stupid? STOP READING.
Ok on to better things!

I am doing much better, every day I am more positive to know that things will turn around. Although I read about the financial situation in the USA .The problem with the prime rate loans. How 630 billion dollars in fake loans were given by lenders who falsified loans, apraisers that were paid off to hit marks for the lenders. My oh my This is the biggest financial crisis in the history of the USA, bigger than Enron. Even though I know this, I read about the world daily, I am still feeling that I will be fine, that things will work out for me.

Although were about to face the ripple effect from the USA here. We are seeing a down surge of sales in properties. and of course my Business is completely off. No landscapes, no interiors, not even proposals. I have three out right now and I call daily, email daily and no repsonse from the clients. People are holding on waiting.

But Possibly this is the time for a change in life as I said in one post back.

I am a strong woman, resiliant.. with every year becoming better.

I look forward to the day, I may receive a package from a friend, I have the possiblity of going to Puerto Jimenez, and maybe a new situation there.


I have good friends who write me almost daily, I have my friends here who are kind to me.

Yesterday I did belly dancing, It was so much fun, I love the classes.

I managed to sell a couple of things so I have money to do one or two things enjoyable. What is life if you can not enjoy?
Simple things, I don't have much to say today, But I will say this. I put this on here for people to read and its a part of my diary of life.

Weather you like it or not its what I feel. It gives enjoyment to myself first! It is cathartic for me to write... it gives pleasure and sometimes encouragement to others, it makes people laugh, because perhaps they are more intellegent than I am. OF COURSE!! no one is perfect! it also gives some insight on another world. And what a woman faces when she is in a country aside from USA.
I am sure there are women out there that have felt the way I felt and were happy to see that someone else feels the same way. So in this I say.. No one and nothing will keep me from expressing my thoughts,and I wont be depressed, sad or angry when people write their oppinions.

Talking about my men experiences here lately

I wrote about, the canadian who bought me some sundries, I wrote about the man who was a chef.. I also said Yesterday that I met a guy from California, but in reality he is from Denver.

Most of the men that come here come for a couple of things. Surfing, Fishing, property, and women. (Prostitution here is legal, lots of the men come for this. Mostly USA citizens, and the Europeans. Not the Canadians so much. ) I found two out of these guys I met be liars... knowing there in a different country, maybe never seeing the woman they meet again.

Obviously wanting to have a good time. The Candian, handsome.. thirty five, dark hair green eyes, nice medium built. Skin dark.. He was Italian Canadian. Wanted me to spend time with him, but did not ask me out. Promised alot and never came through. Promise to call me, send money, return and have me live with him after he opened a business here.

Well he called, only three times while he was here to entice me to go to this hotel and spend time. I went one day after we spent the day at the beach. All his friends where there we all talked he made lunch and did a nice back rub, while we chatted. The next day.. I did not see him. He did not take my email nor my directions here In order to send or mail,or keep in contact. So that was a lie... nothing happened between us but it was a nice short moment. Later in the week I felt a little let down. It wasn't big lies but lies.. Why not say hey I am leaving I had a nice time and nice to meet you? What he was doing was a form of minuplation, in order to get me to be with him sexually. That didn't happen... he had a slighty touchy personality. Confusing or I should say conflicting. Saying one then and behaving another way. When I was around him I felt a touch uncomfortable. But I will say I was gratefull for him buying me the nessesities.

I explained to him on the beach my situation, he was curious about me. Asking many quiestions which I answered true. Although I was not depressed, not unhappy but explained that I was in a bad place right now. He just kept saying how pretty I was, and how he wanted someone like me.. YEAH RIGHT! Not that I am mad about him, but just the things I have to listen to sometimes is frustrating.

OOOOOOOOK, next!

Then there was greer, the chef in New jersey, On Crutches with a bone deasease. Med tall deep set eyes with dark circles, nice voice ok body. Met him At Roises, stayed with me till 2 am one night dancing. Watching me Dance I should say difficult on Crutches HAAAAAAA. But he drank like hell. I watched him get very drunk.
I sat with Him a couple of nights at Rosies and talked. He told me his story.
Big house, nice cars, pickup trucks. Big chef, wife left him after many years for a younger man..

How he was so depressed, loved his wife. How he was morning the loss of his marrage, Maybe that part was partialy true! but how he thought I was beautiful, and how was I single here in Jaco. I explained yes many men come here and visit but in general hook up with working girls. have their pleasure and leave. Not wanting a woman for a relationdship Simple as that.

I don't disagree with the working girls first of all, Shocking as it may seem to most American women. And I am sure what I am about to say is going to upset or shock some of the women readers. But I have never thought that prositution is a bad thing. As everyone knows it's the oldest profession in the world. They are trying to make a living here to support Mothers, Children. Here is not like street girls, they are beautiful clean, and some are very intellegent women. Most are not into drugs but I could see how the life style can make the weaker ones fall subject to many devices.

I can't explain why really I have felt this way most of my life. But I don't think its entirely bad. It must be nessesary because of mens needs. Here is is legal, the amount of rape is very low in this country. Sexual deviances are minimal. Sexualty here is a part of latin culture. Not as many hang ups about sex. If it was legal in the states possibly some of the sexual crime that goes on would end. JUST MY THEORY, everyone has a right to think what they will. The reason I am explaing this is related to this story.

AND SOOOOOOOO he went on to say he would never pay for that. Asked me if I was a working Girl??? I laughed.. said no but I continued to listen to his lets say CA CA. He went on and on about the girls slightly obsessing over it to trying to convince me he was so against it.

The next night I saw him, crutching down the road to the place where the girls are. UHUH?? I thought.. never said much. We saw each other that next after noon spent time at the beach had ceviche, and talked. I didn't mention what I knew.

He invited me the next day for breakfast.Gave me the same story about relationships, how he wanted one, how he wanted to open a business here. I restuarant and how he knew that I wanted this. Rosie had told him and that I was a great cook.( WORKING ME) I wanted to believe him but ... I didn't. I let him go on and on. Enjoyed my wonderfull breakfast, swam in his pool at the hotel on the beach and chatted with him. He went into the room to sleep, Me knowing what he was doing . It was putting me in a position to come and look for him and then trying to pull me into the bed. I Didn't go untill much later, I figured he was alseep by that time and he was, Later we talked about that and yes that was it.
I AM SMART Ok!! but I continued I wanted to see if this one was true. besides we had nice times togehther so far.

HE told me many times about his morning his wife, how he couldn't be with another woman and that he only wanted my friendship. OK I THOUGHT this is different? a different aproach I mean. To getting what he really wanted. Maybe a part of this as I said before was truth, but most of it lies.

HE invited me for dinner, after paying for my laundry one afternoon. Telling me how he was making this fabulous dinner and how I would love it. Told me to invite Rosie so she could bring me there... so he wouldn't have to pay for the taxi, I realized later.

One hour before the dinner he cancelled, told me a lie and cancelled. I found out later the truth.

I was all ready and frankly excited about this dinner personally cooked by and excellent chef. GREER.
Following day I see him at Rosies at night I wanted to do something with him but he told me how tired he was.
Told me he was going to Manuel Antonio the next day. I invited myself. I said Iwant to go lets go together.. he didn't answer. Then in a few minutes said He couldn't afford to take me along. That he had spent way to too much money already. I though ok fine...
Two days later he asked me to come by his hotel to watch a movie. I went it was in the late afternoon close to sunset. We watched it and he talked about his leg hurting in pain, the wife again. Wanting my sympathy and playing that card in order for me to service him! I AM SMART Didn't happen.

About three days went by, I didn't see him around. He didn't call so I thought he left. WELLLLLL
I have a friend she is a working Girl lets call her Gloria. We were talking, she told me about this guy she met a chef... how he took her to this restuarant in playa Hermosa,SAME AS ME... how he paid her 400 dollars for the day. I DIDN"T GET ANYTHING!!!because I am not a working girl!!! She said the next time.. he took her to Manuel Antonio.. spent lots of money on food and drinks and they had another great time. Him paying for the date! and he would never pay for that NOOOOOOOO HAAAA ok soooooo She told me more. I let her say it While we were talking Rosie said SEE MARIANNA SEE how they are? Rosie told me she had just seen him crutching down the road to the bar where the girls are... So Gloria and I made a plan...

She said I will go find him hang on him and play up to him, I said great! I will come in there and act like I am looking for you. When I find you I will say GLORIAAAAAAAAAAAA MI AMIGA where have you been I was wanting to talk to you someone told me you where in here tonight!!! Then you say to me this is my boyfriend Marianna and introduce me to Greer. WE all started laughing... I said we need to fight a little bit, with me saying No he is my boyfriend then say WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? and you said you never pay!!!ok so that was the plan.

I wasn't afraid to play this out, in fact I was very excited to bust him.. and confront him to what I really knew. Honestly I wasn't angry I accept the fact that most of the men here do that I see it all the time but to try to munipulate me into having relations with him and using lies.. GLAD I AM WISE. I wanted to see his face So waited for ten minutes, got up my nerve.. and proudly walked to the place and entered.

I walked around..wow so many men.. I smiled and kept walking around untill I found Gloria.
They were in the far corner she was hanging all over him, he was carressing her.
I saw her and began! she and I played it off well.. IF you could see his face!!! he was surprised, then shocked and then began questioned me!! I couldn't believe his reactions. I gave him a light tap with my purse and told Gloria we were no longer friends... she walked off with me arm and arm, giggleing and laughing.. but honestly she got the best deal! she got the trip money food wine and dined and revenge too.. She told me he was not that great!

Later not that night but later on I saw him he tried to talk to me.. I wouldn't have it I just acted like I didn't see him walking off down the road.
Amazing to me.. the deception of some of the men I meet. pretentious! and deceptive.

Now the guy from I thought California, OH THERE IS MORE but today only this , He called me in the morning asked me what my day was like I told him I was going to the beach after I did a couple of things. He wanted to meet me there so I told him my beaching spot. YES I HAVE A SPOT where I go all the time. Its away from the crowds, slightly rocky not sand because I don't like all the sand in my face or on my towels. Laying in the little rocks is better cleaner. Soooooo

We spent the day at the beach( sounds like this is always the plan here) he found me after I was there an hour. We talked and had a nice conversation. I found out he was from Denver Colorado. Owns liquor store. Four children, divorced. Looking for a relationship, bought a condo here. Love's Jaco.. Never would pay for sex.
Just all parts of the conversation were actually good , but I hear this so much I am leary right from the begining. I AM SMART!

We go to the boheio, Same as Greer and I did. Eat ceviche, Talk and visit..NICE TIME much better than ever.
I don't want to get my hopes up honestly because of all the experiences I have had here so far.. but I am willing to be sweet and enjoy.

I told him I was going to the concert. I never got to bake or do my plan for no one was able to help me.
I didn't go to the concert I was out with a friend Marci, I saw him later last night in front of that bar.. So I went over there and asked how he did the evening go. He said they were just hanging out. We talked and walked to Rosies to sit and watch the Show as we call it.

So many people because it is the weekend, and the concert. IT was a ZOOOOOO but we all enjoyed except him. No expression on his face, Rosie told me in Spanish he was grouchy.. Maybe he was? But I found him earlier to be very sweet and kind. I tried to cheer him up but no real response. I think he was figuring out that this was our form of entertainment. Watching all the wierdos, and people and men leaving with girls, the ones in the taxis we can't see but we see many walking with them down the road. He was bored I could tell but I convinced him to go with me to the jungle to dance a little.He didn't want to dance but he was polite and went with me. I danced one time and then we went to the other side to talk.

It was and ok conversation, nothing important. It was late he went home to the condo me to the house. I have this feeling his not telling me everything! And well time will tell here in a day or two.. But how could I trust when this occurs so much?

He said he would call today but Well see!

Birthday Celebration that wasn't

IT was a nice morning, I was happy it was my day. I went with Raquel her son, and mother to the little soda. We chatted and ate breakfast/ lunch. Nothing special about the food. I ate simple and light. We all walked into town to see about tickets for the concert. They were sold out at that moment waiting for more tickets and told us to return later.

Raquel went home, I went into town. I stopped and looked at a dress and then walked to the end of town to the bank to deposit the money from the sale of the car.

Stopping along the way to talk to the owner of my car now, he wanted my resume to give to some big contractor. So we talked and I moved on.

ITs very hot now, I am so brown, from walking and being out. I like my color its pretty. My Italian heritage is really showing in my skin.

The reason I am saying this because when I walk I see my legs there so brown , my shoulders are thin and brown. (as I am writing I remember what I feel like as I am walking down the road.) I wore a white short skirt and pretty flowing halter top with greens and browns and celeste blue. I had lots ot smiles from people yesterday.
I waited at the bank of course the line was five miles long and only two tellers. Why they do this at Lunch is beyond me.. but they always have one or two tellers at the most busiest time of day. So you wait for ever I waited an hour. By the time I got to the window I was about out of patients nearly exasperated!

I moved fast and got it done, so others could get through the line. Walking back to Jaco after, it was a long way. The reason is Banco Costa Rica is at the far end of the town.
Stopping in my office to do some papers, then re-type my resume and print it, but my printer at the office is out of ink.. I was creative and printed it in Red the only color left in the cartridge! which was fine because I have brochures They are slick with black and a red wave on them so it looked intended.

Going back into town I stopped at this shoe store, I need sandals I lost five pairs in the flood of the apartment, and most of my shoes now are worn. But they didn't have my size in the ones I wanted, I needn't spend the money anyway. I did purchas the ticket to the concert.. that will be my birthday present to my self. I am happy that I can enjoy some music!

I saw some friends but no one remembered it was my birthday. Continuing into the evening after walking all day around just looking at things. I went to Rosies, She didn't remember either, I told her it was my birthday and she got embarrassed. But did not invite me to eat or drink. I saw Raquels mom waiting on me for the couple that are renting the apartment for the weekend. Nice young sophisticated looking. Brand new car, and you can tell they are educated. So I was please and not worried about sharing my home with them. After we talked I ate some little tacos and one lady I know bought me a beer. That was the extent of my celebration.

I was happy though I got on the computer and saw that Brandon, my oldest son was on line and he wished me a Happy birthday. I really wanted to cry when he said I wish you were here so I could at least hug you and kiss you. If he only knew how I felt?

I didn't hear from Jordan, nor any of my family. Today I read the comments on the blog and I want to thank who ever you are for wishing me well. It was not a birthday to remember. I went out, danced but didn't have dancing luck last night either? strange... usually I have so many dancing with me.. but last night only one..
I met a nice man handsome from California. I gave him my card. He is 54 same as me... looks super young. Said he was looking for a relationship. And wanted a hot woman like me! I laughed it was nice of him to say that! He could have been a little tipsy too? he walked away and we just smiled at each other. That was it.

Today I will celebrate again, Going to the beach to see all the millions of people here wow the town is bustling with half naked bodies. Its so hot that people go literally half naked. Then I will eat light and go later to the concert. Daddy yankee is the main attraction, with many DJs from Europe, Ibisa, Spain, and Italy. Light shows, Massage booths, dance floors and much much more. lots of Dancers... on the stages. Here when ever its a group or DJ they have Women beautiful ones with hot outfits, or barely nothing at all.. Dancing like crazy till the sweat drips from there hair, their bodies are glistening from all the sweat.

I know how that is I have experienced many times here.. where my hair is absolutely dripping wet.. the clothes are soaked, but your still dancing,because the music is hot!

I am so conditioned to celebrate birthdays that today in thinking I feel a little down, not much but a cake or presents or even dinner with someone would have been great! I feel it was just another day....MAYBE TODAY? But again Thank you for wishing me

A Happy Birthday!

Things do work out

The Cell phone rang pretty early yesterday I answered "buena dias" the man spoke in english.He said his name was Julio, he said his brother had told him about the car in the lot next to my apartment. Now I never spoke to the nieghbor here about the car. But one of the neighbors told someone else and told someone else and this man called from the number on the car.

Here I spent days of calling this one and that one and no one responded. Then a man calls that I hadn't talk to, and he wants to purchase the car.

Things do work out as I said, not ever in my time. I was almost at an total end here. No money period for food..Not even money to purchase water. He came we talked... he obviously saw I am a nice lady. He had such compassion in his eyes for me, that just looking into his eyes made me tear up a little. I was trying to hold my composure and be strong in front of this total stranger trying not to cry. The things he said, the questions he was asking me .. it was difficult not to break and cry. He invited me to eat at the little soda. We rode in his tiny mini van only a block away and sat and talked at the table.

He decided to go ahead and buy the car, even though he wasn't interested in it. He was told it was a different mark, but after seeing me and talking to me. I know he felt compassion and wanted to help.

He called me several times yesterday, said if I needed anything to call me. Nice gestures. Today he comes at 1:30 with the lawyers to sign the papers to take the car.

HE showed up for the car, there was a little glick in the plan. I had to pay the Marchamo, this is a yearly fee.For my car it was $250.00 I didn't have the money in order to sell the car that has to be paid. So he took that out of the sale of the car... then there was more. They did the run on the car and found four tickets, NOT MINE! One was Clint to the tune of $100 dollars, Tony's $100 dollars, Diegos$20.00 and Cristhians $50.00 Now that had to be deducted in order to pay for the Marchamo! now I am short $520 dollars from the small amount already that he paid. I didn't get mad or upset, I went right to Diego and told him to pay he said this week.

I came home Wrote Clint and ask him to send me the hundred! I hope he does that will be a miracle. And now i have to talk to Cristhian and Tony. Cristhian I know wont pay hes lost... Tony I will call and tell him.

So one step out of the Mire...

I have not baked, I could't get a ride to the big store. I don't have much money to purchase things so maybe as I said yesterday this is not the route for me. But I need to make cash.

Although the amount of the car is little, I am thrilled and so grateful that now this is one issue that is going to be resolved. The time I waited was waisted, but a learning did come from it.

Sounds silly but often when I would walk into town, I would imagine myself driving a beautiful Suv or a truck.. while walking. I would see nice cars and say to myself God I want that.. and think how nice to be inside an air conditioned car and be confortable. In stead of walking in drop dead heat! But hey I get exercise!

I hardly ever walked when I was in the states. Walking is a great way to clear the mind,and to get the heart and blood well.

Today at the soda, I went alone as usual.. I saw Hannah and Shawn. This is a couple I know here from the states. They are doing exceptionally well. Brand new car and great clothes. Surfing all the time. Traveling all over. They work in Real estate, and said they are really busy. I think that is terrific. She did make a statement wow your really skinny. What is going on? why are you letting this place waist you away when you have so many talents? Explaining my position is nearly impossible.
Rather than explain I just tried to talk about the good things I am looking forward to.

The visit to Puerto Jimenez, the weekend. The car being sold... Just happy thoughts.


Hannah knows me on many levels, I designed there wedding at Villa Colletas, when I had a cast on my leg. I also was their co ordinator for the rehearsal and the day of. At the end of the wedding I past out. I had that bacterial infection it had entered my blood stream. I forced myself to do this wedding she did not know I was ill. I was vomiting, while making all the flowers for the reception and the wedding. I would lie down the between vomits, I was deathly ill prior to this wedding. I had two people help me set up all the flowers pin things on and decorate the Asiles but I did most of the work in that cast, with crutches. I made it right to the very end, got the dinner on my plate and passed out.
That next morning I was taken to the hospital and admitted and stayed for almost a month .
So Hannah and I sort of have a connection. she only found out about this two months after the wedding.

I designed one of her offices for Remax, only one little one. We did furniture, paint and new doors. We did the landscape outside. The total job amounted to$3000.00 Not alot for what I did.

I did a nice party for them too where I cooked a first class meal for 12 people.
So Hannah knows me. After making small talk, they got their food, got into the suv , I waved as I walked back to the apartment

Maybe this meeting will result in some sort good thing!

Well happy day! TORTUGA ES NO MAS! I called the car the turtle.. It was so slow now its no more... Poor tortuga!

The changes in life

When something drastic, or something unexpected happens in life, all people react differently. I think the majoirty of us go into denial, then acceptance. Or some just lie down a and never recovery. Others are calm, and try to understand why or how this could happen. Then slowy move on and eventually recover from mal situations. Then there are fighters, that resist to lie down. They are fighting from the moment of the diaster. I think I am a combination of two of these examples. Fighter and slowly move on.

Being in the state's I was only one of these but living here has opened up my eyes to many things. First to be more grateful for everything I have, that I can walk number one. After my accident on the bike breaking the leg in several places on my birthday no less! made me realize that walking and dancing (one of my passions in life) is a gift. Thanking god for being well, and having strong will to survive and heal a body that was threatened to be removed. Yes they wanted to remove the foot because I caught a flesh eating bacteria. But my will did not allow that to happen. I told the foot to heal, and I told my self to think positive and make it well, for the simple fact that I LOVE TO DANCE!! and now I can. Only one example in the time I have lived here.

Losing things, work, limbs, money,friends, love ones, homes, or any possesion that you value is difficult. But for some reason unknown to most of us. It seems to work out. Maybe not in the time we want or expect but it does work out.

I seriously have been trying to be positive about the tinyest things to the most difficult. Not DREAMING but having positive thoughts about how it will get resolved.

I am not just talking about myself here, but the happenings in other peoples lives as well.

This whole adventure here in Costa Rica has been, surely unexpected, many drastic situations has happened to me but, from a USA stand point perspective. From a Costa Rican perspective its just life.

Things here are so different than in the states. Its slow, days pass with out one thing happening. It can take you months to get a phone, months to get internet. But my point is really is how we deal with the situations of life that comes.

Just getting someone to give you ride here is a huge ordeal. But getting angry over it or frustrated only makes it worse.


I am learning that keeping a smile on your face not being fake but believeing that there is something to smile about helps get through the rough situations. Believing that good things are coming everyday, putting your in your mind that you deserve good, that all things that happen are not always your fault but a reason of life behind the bad situation should. Trying to take what is bad and make something good out it.

I am learning how to put that smile on my face and be greatfull for the smallest things. I find that most of the Americans that I meet here are really over induldged. That they complain about everything. NOT THAT I AM BETTER AT ALL, I was a complainer too.. I do not believe as bad as some I meet here. BUt I did. Now with being stripped of all mannor of things. No work, hardly having food, No car having to rely on my two feet,( WHICH IS A BLESSING I STILL HAVE) living modestly with out many possesions. Has made me realize how blessed I was before I came here. Although those things do not make the person, its the doing without that makes you become a person you never knew.

I want that this is a good example to others.. I have the power to influence others not only through this page, but personally and in my other writings. The reason I said this a is my page here in Jaco is called Inspirations for Life and living in Costa Rica, I have to come up with a reason to be inspired to live here every month.

LET ME TELL YOU THAT IS NOT EASY WITH THE LIFE SITUATIONS I HAVE BEEN FACED WITH HERE.. but somehow I manage to pull a rabbit out of my hat and inspire not only others but MYSELF AS WELL after I write it.

My friend last night for example, we were together in a place here in Jaco, she was bored, I wasn't We were talking to people, I stopped her said put a smile on your face and at least act like your having fun! We shouldn't leave yet. She looked at me and said how is it that you have so much power in you?
She began telling these people we were with, about me? I didn't know she felt like this?

She said "This Woman is beautiful look at her every day she dresses nice, puts her makeup on and looks pretty, She has so much energy, goes to bed late and gets up bright sometimes at 6:00, drinks coffee and wants to scoot out RIGHT AWAY". "She dances all night long when were together, never tiring of dance. She can do anything this woman" Wow! then she said and do you know how old she is going to be? The people are looking at me, I am laughing and smileing.. she said 54 look at her.. goes and goes, and trys to do something everyday to make it. She looked at me and said I hope When I am her age I can be that alive!"

Ok so that was my purpose, she has been watching me through all this crap that has been happening. And it was an inspiration to her.
Another one of my friends the other day lost this girl he was seeing. He was down, taking pills, he owns a restaurant.. telling me all these crazy things. I stopped him said look at who you are? YOUR A BUSINESS MAN, your on top not below this girl.. let her see you strong not weak like you are right now. I talked to him more than a hour. By the end he was energized. SAID THANK GOD FOR YOU Marianna... and when I walked back to my house some 20 minutes away. I said Thank god for my life. Its not easy it has been so rough so strange, something I am not familiar to but God really has made me a special person.

And I am greatfull for the the teachings I had when I was young. That I am worth something, that I can do things when I put my mind to it. Understanding all these happenings is not possible. But its the dealing that is.

I am not going to lie and say everything is perfect in my life its far from that if not at all. But I will say I am finding happiness in little things. AND HOPEFULL it will pull me out of this mire, and build me to be a much better person.

I am not sitting home crying, I m getting up moving and doing things as though I have a purpose.

Ok this weekend, there is a huge Concert, I was going to bake lots of things but No one will take me to the store. I only have a few dollars anyway. So maybe its not meant for me to do it. But I did rent my apartment to a couple for the weekend. I have two rooms so they can have mine. All the hotels apartments everything is full so I made $150 bucks for the weekend! I also have another plan as well. After Sunday I will be going to Puerto Jimenez for the Interview live. IT takes hours to get there on the bus. But I am sure I will enjoy the ride and the views. I have a freind who may assist me on the ride. I will know tomorrow.

Friday is my birthday but no plans. I am proud to be my age and look and feel the way I do.. so that is a celebration in itself.

Try to everyday be thankfull for one thing. This might make a difference in how you live

Nothing to do at the apartment at all. I put all my clothes away. Cleaned the tolliet but that was all there was to do.

THe house stays clean its only me. No tele, no internet so boring. No one to talk to... I did go in the pool yesterday afternoon. It was nice out. I manage to get my dvd to work and watched a Movie called the Bucket Call ? or something like this.
Greer left it at my house. We didn't get to watch it because we couldn't get the DVD to work. I watched it last night. I have not heard from Greer, since Weds. Maybe he went back?

It has Jack Nicholson, and Oh god I can't remember his name but a very famous black actor.
It was kinda sad really it was about Cancer, and what they did near the end days.
My mother, Father and brother all had cancer.. so I know the process of the death.

The chemo, the whole ordeal. I did cry a couple of times. But they made the most in the end seeking for their majestic dreams and fufilling the list's of what to do before their end.

Actually some parts were quite hysterical, Jack Nicholson is such a tremedous actor. I found myself hating him, loving him and laughing at him. Believeing he was truely who he protrayed.

I love Movies, I need money so I can get the internet back, the cable... some food would be WONDERFULL!! and rent some movies HAAA

I had a friend from the US send me a little money, I paid a bill with it.. But I can say this I was so dang greatful for this person. Just out of no- where she wrote and told me. So that was precious of her.

No information on the car, no tours, no work yet. Still trying to do what I can.

It is a beautiful day again, I got up pretty early after sleeping some 12 hours. I woke up to pounding, someone is repairing things next door, and at my place also. I made coffee, try to connect to someone elses Internet but was not successfull.

Got dressed and walk to the soda, had my egg , toast and two slices of tomato with olive oil. Then walked to the Cable company to find out what the deal is they told me to call Carlos Rojas, he is a close friend but he is in Guanacosta so he won't be around for a few days. I noticed when walking that they are no now paving all the roads. The little road I walk some times into town on. Was always dirt next to a river. Small dirt road with a stream, and tall tall trees, lots of flowers blooming now they widened it, and paved it. Nice but now it looks like city. No more country feel. and they took out some of the flowers of course.
The good thing is, I wasn't dusty when I got into the main road of town. So thats nice.

Off to the beach for a couple of hours, too hot to be out there very long.

Leaning towards leaving Jaco

It is not exactly Clear yet, but I have beem thinking about leaving Jaco. The other night Roberto, the Landlord told me he was moving in a month, leaving this place for a mountain town. He bought some property in an area near the volcano that is active and many tourists are going there so he has a new piece of life. Also means I have no idea to what is happening to me here? The rent is so high... I can hardly bear it.. And yesterday they cut off the cable. I bought a year contract last December paid in advance, they told me they would give me free three months and its not up yet but they cut it. I was so mad, I had no internet or Tele!!! BORING



My Friend in Puerto Jimenez is begging for me to go there. The only issue I have is, I am a pretty girl. I always dress nice no matter where I am, with matching shoe's or accessories. I wear makeup every day. I have since I was sixteen years old. ( not when I am at home or relaxing but when I go out of the house I am usually fixed up) Here In Jaco its fine everyone dresses cute. Pretty earings, shoes they are beautiful women here So my style is not something that stands out but there it is slightly remote.
It is lovely, natural, Jungle. AN INCREDIBLE resort, and there is a sports fishing resort where men and women come from all over the world to fish. I would love a change, Jaco is so party, so many weird things. And now so many Americans making it a little America. Not a bad thing but it is losing its savor as a latin community. It is becoming seedy.

They offered to pay for my transportation, food and room for the interview. I have my resume with another resort but they said they only hire Ticos. Maybe something in Manuel Antonio they offered.

I came up with another little easy idea, I made up tiny hand held flyers with a photo I took of a sunset at Villa Colleta's it is Free information on tours. I know all the people, I called all the different tours and asked how much commission I would get if I book things for them. So that is a little side job I am trying this week. I can sit at Rosies,hand out those to people who come and if they want information they can asked me right there. Or They can call. I guess I will see how this works.

Also this coming week, that huge concert is coming on Friday. Friday the First is my birthday I have nothing planned nothing really to do special YET ANYWAY! I wanted badly months ago to return to San Andres and spend my birthday there like I did last year! wow that was incredible..But hell I can't even buy tolliet paper this year! HA! Godddddd

But I do have a little plan for that concert.
I am going to try to bake small things lots of them starting on Monday and putting them a freezer to sell in the front with Helens hot dogs. I have to come up with something simple cheap and good. Its mostly Ticos and latins who will be attending so it needs to be inexpensive.

Today Two guys are coming to look at the car and give me a price to purchase it. One guy here in town looked at it yesterday and said he was interested. He went on Vacation today I walked there first thing... and WOW OH WOW IS IT FREAKING HOT TODAY!! god I about melted carring the computer, and my purse. HE returns on Tuesday , hopefully have answers this weekend on the car and get it TAKEN CARE OF!! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE I am getting so impaitient on this!

I MET with one man who is had said he would help me. Felix is his name. He is starting a turn key operation and asked me if I wanted to be a part of the team. It doing what I do already. And he also shared with me information on a company Who needs a designer.

At least it is giving me some sort of hope here. But I am continuing on my quest to check out Puerto Jimenez. It may be a good time for a short while.

I mean there are certain things I like about Jaco, and I will miss some of the advantages now that we have. Convienieces, So this will be a little primative. I have looked into two places now, The Crocodile Bay Hotel and Now Lapa Rios Resort

Sunny skies

It has been so sunny, so Hot and so pretty. I am glad for that reason I am living here right now.

I have daily been trying to get someone on this car problem, still nothing I can not say how frustrated I am about it now. I need cash now! If I could get this taken care of it would a huge load off my shoulders.

It is a blessing it is sunny because it is keeping me from being depressed about this. THANK GOD FOR THAT PART.

ok now, The Canadian, all lies... never came through after the day at the beach. It was very clear what he wanted, and I wasn't going there. So that stopped him from calling back. He said all those things to make do exactly what I thought which was throw myself at his mercy. OH WELL at least I got Hair spray, tolliet paper, toothpaste and water... Thank god for that. I am sure to some people this would sound so ridiculous, but seriously I didn't have any of that and at least now I do. He fed me lunch and was nice for the time I was there. So I am gratefull for this.

Now the other guy, Greer, very nice person. I had a nice date with him last night. We had a drink, and then went to playa Hermosa for Fresh Tuna crusted in sesame seeds and delicious steamed veggies. We had some champagne that he bought and had a really nice conversation.

They guy is on crutches, he injured his leg and now has some sort of bone deasease. I feel so bad for him he is really a good sport, dosen't complain and enjoys as much as he can.
He invited me today for breakfast there in Hermosa, so I got up early and took a taxi half way, as I didn't want to spend 8 - 10 dollars for the cab, although he gave me ten last night for the taxi. I took it half way and walked the rest early am. It was nice, a good walk. It was getting warm, felt good I wore my bathing suit and a pair of shorts. Our plan was to enjoy a healthy breakfast then spend time in the pool at his Hotel. It is called the Sandpiper, it sits right on Hermosa Beach. He needs to sit in the pool to take the pressure off the knee that is degenerating. I can understand, how he feels sort of, since I had such a horrible injury to my leg , and being on crutches for months on end. The pain in my leg still is a problem if i walk way to too much it swells.

So I agreed to share time with him and relax. I had checked email, and phone calls earlier. Nothing going on, I didn't have any work so why not spend a little time and visit.

We just swam, and he relaxed. At 1:30 he crutched up to the restaurant on the corner and I walked ahead. We ate some fish tacos and then took a cab into Jaco. Before we left, he had several pairs of sun glasses, he handed me a pair? I looked at him and replied these are very nice,he said there yours.. I was kinda shocked? I said why? he said I don't like them, I paid alot for them and you could use them! I was so happy these are very nice sun glasses so I will be holding on to them!

Ya know I sound to myself so strange but I have to say this.... I am so grateful for whatever I get from people. I didn't ask but I did need some because the sun is so hot right now and The pair I had I left somewhere in the states when I visited. That was in Aug I believe. This this was such a nice gesture.

Greer is I can tell a very good chef, I will be sure to get the address of this Place in New Jersy so i can look it up. We talked about food for hours!! so fun...

I had the taxi take him and I to the laundry so he could get his clothes washed, I talk to them in Spanish and gave the instructions of what not to do. I walked home after he dropped off the clothes because he had to go and cancel his phone. It was lost or stolen but he didn't know which.

Boy am I familiar with this.

No word from the Los Suenos or the Crocodile bay yet. I will wait one more day then call tomorrow to find out what the results are on both. I did a little canvassing near Greer's hotel. He told me that they were remodeling a resort near there. I walked over asked for the General Manager and talked to them about the job, left my card.

Every day trying something different.

Simple Weekend

It was a very simple weekend, I slept alot not feeling to well. I slept all night from 7:00 Friday night to 8:00 am Sat. Last night I laid down around 5:30 and just now got up its around 6:30. My body is telling me something.

Doesn't it feel good when you sleep well? I haven't been sleeping well at all. This week I have no Idea what i will do for food. I paid my landlord half the rent he was ok with it. I made a little money over the weekend to give him but there is still a balance and I have nothing for food.

I will go today to work at Amapola, its little money but its my food.

Sat, all Morning I worked on contracts, and resumes, Cover letters. So I could send to the Marriotts, and to Crocodile bay. I manage to get the contract all finished and all the figures for the job. It was a chore but I did it. After I ate at the little soda, just a small plate around 900 colones, that amounts to about $1.75 I walked to the office and called to the States, a couple of people for the contract to talk to them about when and how things were getting shipped should they sign this week.

If this goes through I will pull out of this hole, then selling the car will be a benefit. My plan is pay off immediately those things hanging. It is not much, then purchase a small something for transportation. The rest set aside, so I am not strapped. I did this many times always I had a stash of money so I never have to go through something as severe as this, but this time all that has gone as well with out job's coming through it is tough to hang on to the money. You have to survive.

I meet people daily here, I met this one man from Canada, nice looking man Hockey player. He called me yesterday morning, they are staying at the a hotel near my place. He is with two of his friends from Canada, met him on the zip lines with the group I was with. He asked me to go the beach. My plan already Yesterday was to go to the beach, Sunday is usually my day.

I did a pedicure the best I could, a facial drank my coffee.. Headed to the soda for my one egg and tomato, then walked into town. I got half way there when I saw him walking towards me he looked sad. I raised my arms saying where are you going? he smiled and walked toward me.

We greeted each other and then walked back to the beach to find his two friends.
The beach was Crowded oh my god was it crowded. Tons of people everywhere. So we walked down to the south end where I use to live. It was less occupied, and more private.

We rolled out our towels and laid out and talked, Amazing to me the things some men say!!! said he was already in love with me, wanted me to move in with him when he comes back to start a business. Went on an on, how he wanted to send me four hundred a month to help me out till he came back..( I thought wow this sounds great, and when something sounds too good to be true its too good to be true.) then I thought How cruel this is, to say these things to make me feel good so I would throw my self at his mercey, a form of minuplation. I smiled did not tell him what I was thinking.. But Inside I thought god I wish this was true... I really did.

Well We swam, played in the water talked and laid out for two hours, it was so dang hot, I mean it was baking hot. I felt like a biscutt all brown and ready to come out of the oven!!! I had to go so he went along with me.

We walked into town, although he walked more than ten paces ahead of me the whole time. I really hate that when you walking with someone and there far ahead of you like you don't exsist. Well he went to the store to get beer, He asked me if I needed something? I said yes I need tolliet paper, he looked a me and no you really need that? I said yes I don't have any nor do I have tooth paste or conditioner, or water. So he bought me all those things.

We walked back i wanted to go the house but he of course invited to the hotel which is across the road from where I live,near the soda. I went to visit for a little while. He made me a sandwhich, some chips, and fresh pineapple. I ate and was so happy.

I visited with his friends, and then he rubbed my back. He was shocked at all the lumps and bumps I had. I had my bathing suit on and a surrong, so it was easy for him to to this. I had so many stress bumps, he was very kind and rubbed so nice. I enjoyed it very well needed.. I never did my free massage, I lost the card that fred at Amapola gave me so this was great!

Ok so his friends where there, another one came and it was someone I knew from here. We all talked and laughed, then I went home, because they were going to watch the football game at Claritas, I didn't want to go.

I got to the house and crashed. Laid on the sofa, ate some of those japanese peanuts that I am hooked on and slept. Alan the Canadian said he would call me after the game. but he never did.

So all that, that he said probably wasn't fact it was a ploy again, but I was up to knowing, and left before the freinds did.

It's to bad he seemed very nice.

No results on the car, SUPER DISCOURAGED ABOUT THIS! I need help I have asked everyone and anyone, all say yes they will help and not one has.

I have been meeting lots of men this weekend, just walking. I met a pro foot ball player, Oakland raiders, he invited me up to his manison in Los Suenos, I met a professsional Chef from New Jersey Grear is his name. He invited me to lunch with champagne, but never called.

Then last night he called to ask me out again, I saw him before actually Sat, I told him I waited for your call I was ready and you never did. I told him that was wrong. He said he was doing something else. So last night when he called he apologized three times. I agreed to have dinner with him tonight but its also at the Los suenos. Its so far, the taxi ride is about 12 bucks. I told him he would have to pay for it. He agreed.

So we will see how this goes? He may have to leave in a day or so because he has an injured leg, he has some sort of bone desease, and the leg is getting operated on in three weeks. He said he injured it bad yesterday and is now on crutches.

Right now there are a few tourist's so you meet lots of different people.

Vorna the man from Los Angeles that bought this hotel right on the strip here, he was the one bugging me and harrassing me, till I told him straight face knock it off I want your business! He called last night too as well as Joe from Amapola all wanting me to come out and play. Vorna brough a woman from the states he wanted to introduce me to. But I wanted to sleep and rest I didn't feel like going anywhere. I so I turned everyone down, plus I was waiting for Alan to call.

I plan on going over to Alans hotel this morning to say good bye he leaves tomorrow.

Hope today brings great things, a change in the day and life.

I know I always say this but the birds right now are singing so beautiful. Its so quiet, no noise only birds many types, Parrots, doves, wrens, kissa dees, and hummingbirds. I sure to enjoy the nature here, the plants the flowers the beach the sun, the water. It is beautiful, now if I can just get the work in order, I will be fine.

I talk to Jordan on sat only for five minutes he was too busy playing his game on the TV, he just said he was doing better. Didn't ask how I was. Didn't say he loved me, just said he was busy with his game and he would talk later. That was the first time I talk to him in weeks, and it was a chat on line.

Haven't chatted with Brandon since the apt flooded. Everyone is busy. Clint who knows I suppose he is busy too.


Its very pretty today not to hot yet but its early, the sun is out its slightly breezy, warm.

Doing what I can

I am trying to do what ever I can. Today I was asked to interpet for someone at the Century at 7:00 am for a property apraiser. I Went to bed at 1:30, got up at 6:00 to be ready before 7:00.

The apraiser didn't show up, Then the guy who wanted me to interpet, asked me to take photos of him and his clients all morning with a huge telephoto lens camera.
So off we went to Hermosa to the turtle reserve at 7:45 and I took some photos of them for three hours.

I didn't get paid much but hey at least I am doing something. In fact I am doing everything I can to make money. Its not easy! The people for the car ignored my calls all day, I called five today not one showed up. The car some how was moved? How I can not figure out someone pushed it or hell I don't know but it is moved some fifteen or so feet.

I am getting very worried now, I need to sell this to bale out of this mess. I need money to get back on my feet and get rolling again. Although Marriots did say yes for the job.

I need a car and a pro contract and I have neither. Frustration set in today. I have not felt well since yesterday. Its just lack of sleep, and possibly kidney. I tried to sleep at noon today, A tiny little nap for the reason they were repairing the water issue that is on going here in this place. Now its out side a line that is pluged. They were sawing hacking, pounding. Sledge hammering most of the day. So I thought well I will just walk to the office, have a bite to eat then maybe hit the beach for an hour.

The eating happened, the office happened but the beach didn't.

I had a nice salad for dinner with some chicken at Rosies, she was gone with some guy. So I visited with the girls and hung out.

I heard Helen was back, so I went and saw her son, that no one has seen for nine years. He was living with his grandparents, Helens Mom and dad in Columbia.
We talked about her trip, in a plane, and then a boat then a train and another plane to Columbia Via Panama. It was quite the tale.. the trip back sounded very adverturous, Really different.

We kinda came up with a baking concept, she has a Columbian sausage/ hot dog stand that is to die for.. she sells tons every night. She and I are going to colaborate on a deal there. On Feb 2nd a day after my birthday, a group called Daddy Yankee will be here in Jaco. They are expecting 40 to 50 thousand people for this concert. It's in an open field.

It begins at 6:00 at night and ends at 6:00 in the morning. I want to sell something to eat. I am sure I can make fast money on that. She will have a stand there so were going to try to make something really good. I do a killer roast for sandwiches, I though about jello shots, and cookies or small pastries.

I have been to these sort of things here its like a latin woodstock. WILD.. but could be very profitable. I want to come up with a good plan.

Selling this car before would be good. But at this point I do not know what my future is holding.

I talked to a resort today In Crocodile bay. You can look it up Crocodile Bay Resort and lodge. It is very beautiful there. It has a new Marina, lots of profesional sports Fishing boats. They offered to pay me to come for an interview. Maybe in administration maybe in another area with the Tourists. They did make a slightly nice offer but not much Salary. A room, food, a car and small Salary.

So I am contemplating a number of things right now, The Marriotts is a nice job, good money.. but it needs be done soon. With out a car impossible. I could retain a deposit, then rent a car untill this gets resolved, Do the baking thing still, and then maybe go and check out the Crocodile bay just incase

So I am trying to do what I can. At least this week was much better, I ate good and paid half the rent. The phone got paid the house phone got paid the internet, the power. The office phone is shut off. Not enough money.

I went out last night with Rosie, of course she depends on me being her side kick. I didn't get to dance at all. I was bored. Came home and couldn't sleep I knew I had to be up early too!

Crazy...... now tonight Helen wants to hang out with us and talk. So I am going to shower and go back into town to visit.

The weather is cool right now its raining a little not much just enough to cool this swelerting Hot day WOW WAS IT EVER HOT. I walked like a turtle. The intense sun and heat slows you right down.

Tomorrow?? Who knows what I will do?