Things do work out

The Cell phone rang pretty early yesterday I answered "buena dias" the man spoke in english.He said his name was Julio, he said his brother had told him about the car in the lot next to my apartment. Now I never spoke to the nieghbor here about the car. But one of the neighbors told someone else and told someone else and this man called from the number on the car.

Here I spent days of calling this one and that one and no one responded. Then a man calls that I hadn't talk to, and he wants to purchase the car.

Things do work out as I said, not ever in my time. I was almost at an total end here. No money period for food..Not even money to purchase water. He came we talked... he obviously saw I am a nice lady. He had such compassion in his eyes for me, that just looking into his eyes made me tear up a little. I was trying to hold my composure and be strong in front of this total stranger trying not to cry. The things he said, the questions he was asking me .. it was difficult not to break and cry. He invited me to eat at the little soda. We rode in his tiny mini van only a block away and sat and talked at the table.

He decided to go ahead and buy the car, even though he wasn't interested in it. He was told it was a different mark, but after seeing me and talking to me. I know he felt compassion and wanted to help.

He called me several times yesterday, said if I needed anything to call me. Nice gestures. Today he comes at 1:30 with the lawyers to sign the papers to take the car.

HE showed up for the car, there was a little glick in the plan. I had to pay the Marchamo, this is a yearly fee.For my car it was $250.00 I didn't have the money in order to sell the car that has to be paid. So he took that out of the sale of the car... then there was more. They did the run on the car and found four tickets, NOT MINE! One was Clint to the tune of $100 dollars, Tony's $100 dollars, Diegos$20.00 and Cristhians $50.00 Now that had to be deducted in order to pay for the Marchamo! now I am short $520 dollars from the small amount already that he paid. I didn't get mad or upset, I went right to Diego and told him to pay he said this week.

I came home Wrote Clint and ask him to send me the hundred! I hope he does that will be a miracle. And now i have to talk to Cristhian and Tony. Cristhian I know wont pay hes lost... Tony I will call and tell him.

So one step out of the Mire...

I have not baked, I could't get a ride to the big store. I don't have much money to purchase things so maybe as I said yesterday this is not the route for me. But I need to make cash.

Although the amount of the car is little, I am thrilled and so grateful that now this is one issue that is going to be resolved. The time I waited was waisted, but a learning did come from it.

Sounds silly but often when I would walk into town, I would imagine myself driving a beautiful Suv or a truck.. while walking. I would see nice cars and say to myself God I want that.. and think how nice to be inside an air conditioned car and be confortable. In stead of walking in drop dead heat! But hey I get exercise!

I hardly ever walked when I was in the states. Walking is a great way to clear the mind,and to get the heart and blood well.

Today at the soda, I went alone as usual.. I saw Hannah and Shawn. This is a couple I know here from the states. They are doing exceptionally well. Brand new car and great clothes. Surfing all the time. Traveling all over. They work in Real estate, and said they are really busy. I think that is terrific. She did make a statement wow your really skinny. What is going on? why are you letting this place waist you away when you have so many talents? Explaining my position is nearly impossible.
Rather than explain I just tried to talk about the good things I am looking forward to.

The visit to Puerto Jimenez, the weekend. The car being sold... Just happy thoughts.


Hannah knows me on many levels, I designed there wedding at Villa Colletas, when I had a cast on my leg. I also was their co ordinator for the rehearsal and the day of. At the end of the wedding I past out. I had that bacterial infection it had entered my blood stream. I forced myself to do this wedding she did not know I was ill. I was vomiting, while making all the flowers for the reception and the wedding. I would lie down the between vomits, I was deathly ill prior to this wedding. I had two people help me set up all the flowers pin things on and decorate the Asiles but I did most of the work in that cast, with crutches. I made it right to the very end, got the dinner on my plate and passed out.
That next morning I was taken to the hospital and admitted and stayed for almost a month .
So Hannah and I sort of have a connection. she only found out about this two months after the wedding.

I designed one of her offices for Remax, only one little one. We did furniture, paint and new doors. We did the landscape outside. The total job amounted to$3000.00 Not alot for what I did.

I did a nice party for them too where I cooked a first class meal for 12 people.
So Hannah knows me. After making small talk, they got their food, got into the suv , I waved as I walked back to the apartment

Maybe this meeting will result in some sort good thing!

Well happy day! TORTUGA ES NO MAS! I called the car the turtle.. It was so slow now its no more... Poor tortuga!

The changes in life

When something drastic, or something unexpected happens in life, all people react differently. I think the majoirty of us go into denial, then acceptance. Or some just lie down a and never recovery. Others are calm, and try to understand why or how this could happen. Then slowy move on and eventually recover from mal situations. Then there are fighters, that resist to lie down. They are fighting from the moment of the diaster. I think I am a combination of two of these examples. Fighter and slowly move on.

Being in the state's I was only one of these but living here has opened up my eyes to many things. First to be more grateful for everything I have, that I can walk number one. After my accident on the bike breaking the leg in several places on my birthday no less! made me realize that walking and dancing (one of my passions in life) is a gift. Thanking god for being well, and having strong will to survive and heal a body that was threatened to be removed. Yes they wanted to remove the foot because I caught a flesh eating bacteria. But my will did not allow that to happen. I told the foot to heal, and I told my self to think positive and make it well, for the simple fact that I LOVE TO DANCE!! and now I can. Only one example in the time I have lived here.

Losing things, work, limbs, money,friends, love ones, homes, or any possesion that you value is difficult. But for some reason unknown to most of us. It seems to work out. Maybe not in the time we want or expect but it does work out.

I seriously have been trying to be positive about the tinyest things to the most difficult. Not DREAMING but having positive thoughts about how it will get resolved.

I am not just talking about myself here, but the happenings in other peoples lives as well.

This whole adventure here in Costa Rica has been, surely unexpected, many drastic situations has happened to me but, from a USA stand point perspective. From a Costa Rican perspective its just life.

Things here are so different than in the states. Its slow, days pass with out one thing happening. It can take you months to get a phone, months to get internet. But my point is really is how we deal with the situations of life that comes.

Just getting someone to give you ride here is a huge ordeal. But getting angry over it or frustrated only makes it worse.


I am learning that keeping a smile on your face not being fake but believeing that there is something to smile about helps get through the rough situations. Believing that good things are coming everyday, putting your in your mind that you deserve good, that all things that happen are not always your fault but a reason of life behind the bad situation should. Trying to take what is bad and make something good out it.

I am learning how to put that smile on my face and be greatfull for the smallest things. I find that most of the Americans that I meet here are really over induldged. That they complain about everything. NOT THAT I AM BETTER AT ALL, I was a complainer too.. I do not believe as bad as some I meet here. BUt I did. Now with being stripped of all mannor of things. No work, hardly having food, No car having to rely on my two feet,( WHICH IS A BLESSING I STILL HAVE) living modestly with out many possesions. Has made me realize how blessed I was before I came here. Although those things do not make the person, its the doing without that makes you become a person you never knew.

I want that this is a good example to others.. I have the power to influence others not only through this page, but personally and in my other writings. The reason I said this a is my page here in Jaco is called Inspirations for Life and living in Costa Rica, I have to come up with a reason to be inspired to live here every month.

LET ME TELL YOU THAT IS NOT EASY WITH THE LIFE SITUATIONS I HAVE BEEN FACED WITH HERE.. but somehow I manage to pull a rabbit out of my hat and inspire not only others but MYSELF AS WELL after I write it.

My friend last night for example, we were together in a place here in Jaco, she was bored, I wasn't We were talking to people, I stopped her said put a smile on your face and at least act like your having fun! We shouldn't leave yet. She looked at me and said how is it that you have so much power in you?
She began telling these people we were with, about me? I didn't know she felt like this?

She said "This Woman is beautiful look at her every day she dresses nice, puts her makeup on and looks pretty, She has so much energy, goes to bed late and gets up bright sometimes at 6:00, drinks coffee and wants to scoot out RIGHT AWAY". "She dances all night long when were together, never tiring of dance. She can do anything this woman" Wow! then she said and do you know how old she is going to be? The people are looking at me, I am laughing and smileing.. she said 54 look at her.. goes and goes, and trys to do something everyday to make it. She looked at me and said I hope When I am her age I can be that alive!"

Ok so that was my purpose, she has been watching me through all this crap that has been happening. And it was an inspiration to her.
Another one of my friends the other day lost this girl he was seeing. He was down, taking pills, he owns a restaurant.. telling me all these crazy things. I stopped him said look at who you are? YOUR A BUSINESS MAN, your on top not below this girl.. let her see you strong not weak like you are right now. I talked to him more than a hour. By the end he was energized. SAID THANK GOD FOR YOU Marianna... and when I walked back to my house some 20 minutes away. I said Thank god for my life. Its not easy it has been so rough so strange, something I am not familiar to but God really has made me a special person.

And I am greatfull for the the teachings I had when I was young. That I am worth something, that I can do things when I put my mind to it. Understanding all these happenings is not possible. But its the dealing that is.

I am not going to lie and say everything is perfect in my life its far from that if not at all. But I will say I am finding happiness in little things. AND HOPEFULL it will pull me out of this mire, and build me to be a much better person.

I am not sitting home crying, I m getting up moving and doing things as though I have a purpose.

Ok this weekend, there is a huge Concert, I was going to bake lots of things but No one will take me to the store. I only have a few dollars anyway. So maybe its not meant for me to do it. But I did rent my apartment to a couple for the weekend. I have two rooms so they can have mine. All the hotels apartments everything is full so I made $150 bucks for the weekend! I also have another plan as well. After Sunday I will be going to Puerto Jimenez for the Interview live. IT takes hours to get there on the bus. But I am sure I will enjoy the ride and the views. I have a freind who may assist me on the ride. I will know tomorrow.

Friday is my birthday but no plans. I am proud to be my age and look and feel the way I do.. so that is a celebration in itself.

Try to everyday be thankfull for one thing. This might make a difference in how you live

Nothing to do at the apartment at all. I put all my clothes away. Cleaned the tolliet but that was all there was to do.

THe house stays clean its only me. No tele, no internet so boring. No one to talk to... I did go in the pool yesterday afternoon. It was nice out. I manage to get my dvd to work and watched a Movie called the Bucket Call ? or something like this.
Greer left it at my house. We didn't get to watch it because we couldn't get the DVD to work. I watched it last night. I have not heard from Greer, since Weds. Maybe he went back?

It has Jack Nicholson, and Oh god I can't remember his name but a very famous black actor.
It was kinda sad really it was about Cancer, and what they did near the end days.
My mother, Father and brother all had cancer.. so I know the process of the death.

The chemo, the whole ordeal. I did cry a couple of times. But they made the most in the end seeking for their majestic dreams and fufilling the list's of what to do before their end.

Actually some parts were quite hysterical, Jack Nicholson is such a tremedous actor. I found myself hating him, loving him and laughing at him. Believeing he was truely who he protrayed.

I love Movies, I need money so I can get the internet back, the cable... some food would be WONDERFULL!! and rent some movies HAAA

I had a friend from the US send me a little money, I paid a bill with it.. But I can say this I was so dang greatful for this person. Just out of no- where she wrote and told me. So that was precious of her.

No information on the car, no tours, no work yet. Still trying to do what I can.

It is a beautiful day again, I got up pretty early after sleeping some 12 hours. I woke up to pounding, someone is repairing things next door, and at my place also. I made coffee, try to connect to someone elses Internet but was not successfull.

Got dressed and walk to the soda, had my egg , toast and two slices of tomato with olive oil. Then walked to the Cable company to find out what the deal is they told me to call Carlos Rojas, he is a close friend but he is in Guanacosta so he won't be around for a few days. I noticed when walking that they are no now paving all the roads. The little road I walk some times into town on. Was always dirt next to a river. Small dirt road with a stream, and tall tall trees, lots of flowers blooming now they widened it, and paved it. Nice but now it looks like city. No more country feel. and they took out some of the flowers of course.
The good thing is, I wasn't dusty when I got into the main road of town. So thats nice.

Off to the beach for a couple of hours, too hot to be out there very long.

Leaning towards leaving Jaco

It is not exactly Clear yet, but I have beem thinking about leaving Jaco. The other night Roberto, the Landlord told me he was moving in a month, leaving this place for a mountain town. He bought some property in an area near the volcano that is active and many tourists are going there so he has a new piece of life. Also means I have no idea to what is happening to me here? The rent is so high... I can hardly bear it.. And yesterday they cut off the cable. I bought a year contract last December paid in advance, they told me they would give me free three months and its not up yet but they cut it. I was so mad, I had no internet or Tele!!! BORING



My Friend in Puerto Jimenez is begging for me to go there. The only issue I have is, I am a pretty girl. I always dress nice no matter where I am, with matching shoe's or accessories. I wear makeup every day. I have since I was sixteen years old. ( not when I am at home or relaxing but when I go out of the house I am usually fixed up) Here In Jaco its fine everyone dresses cute. Pretty earings, shoes they are beautiful women here So my style is not something that stands out but there it is slightly remote.
It is lovely, natural, Jungle. AN INCREDIBLE resort, and there is a sports fishing resort where men and women come from all over the world to fish. I would love a change, Jaco is so party, so many weird things. And now so many Americans making it a little America. Not a bad thing but it is losing its savor as a latin community. It is becoming seedy.

They offered to pay for my transportation, food and room for the interview. I have my resume with another resort but they said they only hire Ticos. Maybe something in Manuel Antonio they offered.

I came up with another little easy idea, I made up tiny hand held flyers with a photo I took of a sunset at Villa Colleta's it is Free information on tours. I know all the people, I called all the different tours and asked how much commission I would get if I book things for them. So that is a little side job I am trying this week. I can sit at Rosies,hand out those to people who come and if they want information they can asked me right there. Or They can call. I guess I will see how this works.

Also this coming week, that huge concert is coming on Friday. Friday the First is my birthday I have nothing planned nothing really to do special YET ANYWAY! I wanted badly months ago to return to San Andres and spend my birthday there like I did last year! wow that was incredible..But hell I can't even buy tolliet paper this year! HA! Godddddd

But I do have a little plan for that concert.
I am going to try to bake small things lots of them starting on Monday and putting them a freezer to sell in the front with Helens hot dogs. I have to come up with something simple cheap and good. Its mostly Ticos and latins who will be attending so it needs to be inexpensive.

Today Two guys are coming to look at the car and give me a price to purchase it. One guy here in town looked at it yesterday and said he was interested. He went on Vacation today I walked there first thing... and WOW OH WOW IS IT FREAKING HOT TODAY!! god I about melted carring the computer, and my purse. HE returns on Tuesday , hopefully have answers this weekend on the car and get it TAKEN CARE OF!! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE I am getting so impaitient on this!

I MET with one man who is had said he would help me. Felix is his name. He is starting a turn key operation and asked me if I wanted to be a part of the team. It doing what I do already. And he also shared with me information on a company Who needs a designer.

At least it is giving me some sort of hope here. But I am continuing on my quest to check out Puerto Jimenez. It may be a good time for a short while.

I mean there are certain things I like about Jaco, and I will miss some of the advantages now that we have. Convienieces, So this will be a little primative. I have looked into two places now, The Crocodile Bay Hotel and Now Lapa Rios Resort

Sunny skies

It has been so sunny, so Hot and so pretty. I am glad for that reason I am living here right now.

I have daily been trying to get someone on this car problem, still nothing I can not say how frustrated I am about it now. I need cash now! If I could get this taken care of it would a huge load off my shoulders.

It is a blessing it is sunny because it is keeping me from being depressed about this. THANK GOD FOR THAT PART.

ok now, The Canadian, all lies... never came through after the day at the beach. It was very clear what he wanted, and I wasn't going there. So that stopped him from calling back. He said all those things to make do exactly what I thought which was throw myself at his mercy. OH WELL at least I got Hair spray, tolliet paper, toothpaste and water... Thank god for that. I am sure to some people this would sound so ridiculous, but seriously I didn't have any of that and at least now I do. He fed me lunch and was nice for the time I was there. So I am gratefull for this.

Now the other guy, Greer, very nice person. I had a nice date with him last night. We had a drink, and then went to playa Hermosa for Fresh Tuna crusted in sesame seeds and delicious steamed veggies. We had some champagne that he bought and had a really nice conversation.

They guy is on crutches, he injured his leg and now has some sort of bone deasease. I feel so bad for him he is really a good sport, dosen't complain and enjoys as much as he can.
He invited me today for breakfast there in Hermosa, so I got up early and took a taxi half way, as I didn't want to spend 8 - 10 dollars for the cab, although he gave me ten last night for the taxi. I took it half way and walked the rest early am. It was nice, a good walk. It was getting warm, felt good I wore my bathing suit and a pair of shorts. Our plan was to enjoy a healthy breakfast then spend time in the pool at his Hotel. It is called the Sandpiper, it sits right on Hermosa Beach. He needs to sit in the pool to take the pressure off the knee that is degenerating. I can understand, how he feels sort of, since I had such a horrible injury to my leg , and being on crutches for months on end. The pain in my leg still is a problem if i walk way to too much it swells.

So I agreed to share time with him and relax. I had checked email, and phone calls earlier. Nothing going on, I didn't have any work so why not spend a little time and visit.

We just swam, and he relaxed. At 1:30 he crutched up to the restaurant on the corner and I walked ahead. We ate some fish tacos and then took a cab into Jaco. Before we left, he had several pairs of sun glasses, he handed me a pair? I looked at him and replied these are very nice,he said there yours.. I was kinda shocked? I said why? he said I don't like them, I paid alot for them and you could use them! I was so happy these are very nice sun glasses so I will be holding on to them!

Ya know I sound to myself so strange but I have to say this.... I am so grateful for whatever I get from people. I didn't ask but I did need some because the sun is so hot right now and The pair I had I left somewhere in the states when I visited. That was in Aug I believe. This this was such a nice gesture.

Greer is I can tell a very good chef, I will be sure to get the address of this Place in New Jersy so i can look it up. We talked about food for hours!! so fun...

I had the taxi take him and I to the laundry so he could get his clothes washed, I talk to them in Spanish and gave the instructions of what not to do. I walked home after he dropped off the clothes because he had to go and cancel his phone. It was lost or stolen but he didn't know which.

Boy am I familiar with this.

No word from the Los Suenos or the Crocodile bay yet. I will wait one more day then call tomorrow to find out what the results are on both. I did a little canvassing near Greer's hotel. He told me that they were remodeling a resort near there. I walked over asked for the General Manager and talked to them about the job, left my card.

Every day trying something different.

Simple Weekend

It was a very simple weekend, I slept alot not feeling to well. I slept all night from 7:00 Friday night to 8:00 am Sat. Last night I laid down around 5:30 and just now got up its around 6:30. My body is telling me something.

Doesn't it feel good when you sleep well? I haven't been sleeping well at all. This week I have no Idea what i will do for food. I paid my landlord half the rent he was ok with it. I made a little money over the weekend to give him but there is still a balance and I have nothing for food.

I will go today to work at Amapola, its little money but its my food.

Sat, all Morning I worked on contracts, and resumes, Cover letters. So I could send to the Marriotts, and to Crocodile bay. I manage to get the contract all finished and all the figures for the job. It was a chore but I did it. After I ate at the little soda, just a small plate around 900 colones, that amounts to about $1.75 I walked to the office and called to the States, a couple of people for the contract to talk to them about when and how things were getting shipped should they sign this week.

If this goes through I will pull out of this hole, then selling the car will be a benefit. My plan is pay off immediately those things hanging. It is not much, then purchase a small something for transportation. The rest set aside, so I am not strapped. I did this many times always I had a stash of money so I never have to go through something as severe as this, but this time all that has gone as well with out job's coming through it is tough to hang on to the money. You have to survive.

I meet people daily here, I met this one man from Canada, nice looking man Hockey player. He called me yesterday morning, they are staying at the a hotel near my place. He is with two of his friends from Canada, met him on the zip lines with the group I was with. He asked me to go the beach. My plan already Yesterday was to go to the beach, Sunday is usually my day.

I did a pedicure the best I could, a facial drank my coffee.. Headed to the soda for my one egg and tomato, then walked into town. I got half way there when I saw him walking towards me he looked sad. I raised my arms saying where are you going? he smiled and walked toward me.

We greeted each other and then walked back to the beach to find his two friends.
The beach was Crowded oh my god was it crowded. Tons of people everywhere. So we walked down to the south end where I use to live. It was less occupied, and more private.

We rolled out our towels and laid out and talked, Amazing to me the things some men say!!! said he was already in love with me, wanted me to move in with him when he comes back to start a business. Went on an on, how he wanted to send me four hundred a month to help me out till he came back..( I thought wow this sounds great, and when something sounds too good to be true its too good to be true.) then I thought How cruel this is, to say these things to make me feel good so I would throw my self at his mercey, a form of minuplation. I smiled did not tell him what I was thinking.. But Inside I thought god I wish this was true... I really did.

Well We swam, played in the water talked and laid out for two hours, it was so dang hot, I mean it was baking hot. I felt like a biscutt all brown and ready to come out of the oven!!! I had to go so he went along with me.

We walked into town, although he walked more than ten paces ahead of me the whole time. I really hate that when you walking with someone and there far ahead of you like you don't exsist. Well he went to the store to get beer, He asked me if I needed something? I said yes I need tolliet paper, he looked a me and no you really need that? I said yes I don't have any nor do I have tooth paste or conditioner, or water. So he bought me all those things.

We walked back i wanted to go the house but he of course invited to the hotel which is across the road from where I live,near the soda. I went to visit for a little while. He made me a sandwhich, some chips, and fresh pineapple. I ate and was so happy.

I visited with his friends, and then he rubbed my back. He was shocked at all the lumps and bumps I had. I had my bathing suit on and a surrong, so it was easy for him to to this. I had so many stress bumps, he was very kind and rubbed so nice. I enjoyed it very well needed.. I never did my free massage, I lost the card that fred at Amapola gave me so this was great!

Ok so his friends where there, another one came and it was someone I knew from here. We all talked and laughed, then I went home, because they were going to watch the football game at Claritas, I didn't want to go.

I got to the house and crashed. Laid on the sofa, ate some of those japanese peanuts that I am hooked on and slept. Alan the Canadian said he would call me after the game. but he never did.

So all that, that he said probably wasn't fact it was a ploy again, but I was up to knowing, and left before the freinds did.

It's to bad he seemed very nice.

No results on the car, SUPER DISCOURAGED ABOUT THIS! I need help I have asked everyone and anyone, all say yes they will help and not one has.

I have been meeting lots of men this weekend, just walking. I met a pro foot ball player, Oakland raiders, he invited me up to his manison in Los Suenos, I met a professsional Chef from New Jersey Grear is his name. He invited me to lunch with champagne, but never called.

Then last night he called to ask me out again, I saw him before actually Sat, I told him I waited for your call I was ready and you never did. I told him that was wrong. He said he was doing something else. So last night when he called he apologized three times. I agreed to have dinner with him tonight but its also at the Los suenos. Its so far, the taxi ride is about 12 bucks. I told him he would have to pay for it. He agreed.

So we will see how this goes? He may have to leave in a day or so because he has an injured leg, he has some sort of bone desease, and the leg is getting operated on in three weeks. He said he injured it bad yesterday and is now on crutches.

Right now there are a few tourist's so you meet lots of different people.

Vorna the man from Los Angeles that bought this hotel right on the strip here, he was the one bugging me and harrassing me, till I told him straight face knock it off I want your business! He called last night too as well as Joe from Amapola all wanting me to come out and play. Vorna brough a woman from the states he wanted to introduce me to. But I wanted to sleep and rest I didn't feel like going anywhere. I so I turned everyone down, plus I was waiting for Alan to call.

I plan on going over to Alans hotel this morning to say good bye he leaves tomorrow.

Hope today brings great things, a change in the day and life.

I know I always say this but the birds right now are singing so beautiful. Its so quiet, no noise only birds many types, Parrots, doves, wrens, kissa dees, and hummingbirds. I sure to enjoy the nature here, the plants the flowers the beach the sun, the water. It is beautiful, now if I can just get the work in order, I will be fine.

I talk to Jordan on sat only for five minutes he was too busy playing his game on the TV, he just said he was doing better. Didn't ask how I was. Didn't say he loved me, just said he was busy with his game and he would talk later. That was the first time I talk to him in weeks, and it was a chat on line.

Haven't chatted with Brandon since the apt flooded. Everyone is busy. Clint who knows I suppose he is busy too.


Its very pretty today not to hot yet but its early, the sun is out its slightly breezy, warm.

Doing what I can

I am trying to do what ever I can. Today I was asked to interpet for someone at the Century at 7:00 am for a property apraiser. I Went to bed at 1:30, got up at 6:00 to be ready before 7:00.

The apraiser didn't show up, Then the guy who wanted me to interpet, asked me to take photos of him and his clients all morning with a huge telephoto lens camera.
So off we went to Hermosa to the turtle reserve at 7:45 and I took some photos of them for three hours.

I didn't get paid much but hey at least I am doing something. In fact I am doing everything I can to make money. Its not easy! The people for the car ignored my calls all day, I called five today not one showed up. The car some how was moved? How I can not figure out someone pushed it or hell I don't know but it is moved some fifteen or so feet.

I am getting very worried now, I need to sell this to bale out of this mess. I need money to get back on my feet and get rolling again. Although Marriots did say yes for the job.

I need a car and a pro contract and I have neither. Frustration set in today. I have not felt well since yesterday. Its just lack of sleep, and possibly kidney. I tried to sleep at noon today, A tiny little nap for the reason they were repairing the water issue that is on going here in this place. Now its out side a line that is pluged. They were sawing hacking, pounding. Sledge hammering most of the day. So I thought well I will just walk to the office, have a bite to eat then maybe hit the beach for an hour.

The eating happened, the office happened but the beach didn't.

I had a nice salad for dinner with some chicken at Rosies, she was gone with some guy. So I visited with the girls and hung out.

I heard Helen was back, so I went and saw her son, that no one has seen for nine years. He was living with his grandparents, Helens Mom and dad in Columbia.
We talked about her trip, in a plane, and then a boat then a train and another plane to Columbia Via Panama. It was quite the tale.. the trip back sounded very adverturous, Really different.

We kinda came up with a baking concept, she has a Columbian sausage/ hot dog stand that is to die for.. she sells tons every night. She and I are going to colaborate on a deal there. On Feb 2nd a day after my birthday, a group called Daddy Yankee will be here in Jaco. They are expecting 40 to 50 thousand people for this concert. It's in an open field.

It begins at 6:00 at night and ends at 6:00 in the morning. I want to sell something to eat. I am sure I can make fast money on that. She will have a stand there so were going to try to make something really good. I do a killer roast for sandwiches, I though about jello shots, and cookies or small pastries.

I have been to these sort of things here its like a latin woodstock. WILD.. but could be very profitable. I want to come up with a good plan.

Selling this car before would be good. But at this point I do not know what my future is holding.

I talked to a resort today In Crocodile bay. You can look it up Crocodile Bay Resort and lodge. It is very beautiful there. It has a new Marina, lots of profesional sports Fishing boats. They offered to pay me to come for an interview. Maybe in administration maybe in another area with the Tourists. They did make a slightly nice offer but not much Salary. A room, food, a car and small Salary.

So I am contemplating a number of things right now, The Marriotts is a nice job, good money.. but it needs be done soon. With out a car impossible. I could retain a deposit, then rent a car untill this gets resolved, Do the baking thing still, and then maybe go and check out the Crocodile bay just incase

So I am trying to do what I can. At least this week was much better, I ate good and paid half the rent. The phone got paid the house phone got paid the internet, the power. The office phone is shut off. Not enough money.

I went out last night with Rosie, of course she depends on me being her side kick. I didn't get to dance at all. I was bored. Came home and couldn't sleep I knew I had to be up early too!

Crazy...... now tonight Helen wants to hang out with us and talk. So I am going to shower and go back into town to visit.

The weather is cool right now its raining a little not much just enough to cool this swelerting Hot day WOW WAS IT EVER HOT. I walked like a turtle. The intense sun and heat slows you right down.

Tomorrow?? Who knows what I will do?

The past few days

The past few days I have not been home much. The landlord left for a few days giving me total peace, with out the screaming child, and the wife he returned very peacefull and nice. He repaired my camera but it is still in the shop and should be back soon. So that is a relief. It started out I was working some 5 hours at Amapola for this tour, transcribing. I met these people in the lobby and began talking to them. They asked me all sorts of questions and were thrilled that I spoke English.

From that point on until today I was accompaning them around town, a sort of personal guide you might say. We walked rode taxis, ate, went to the beach, and yesterday we went to the Canopy Tour. It was waterfall tour canopy tour. Where you wear cables, a sort of climbing gear with pulley's and come alongs. A hard hat and double straps that are then hooked to cables strung some hundred feet in the jungle canopy. This is common here. My friend Tina and Chris some years ago experienced it and they showed me the photos...



I got an opportunity this week to do just that, I had seen, heard, and know much about this tour but never personally did it. Yesterday I took the jump with these tourists and I experienced something that was not only great for the eye, the spirit and the soul but a rush for the blood stream and the heart!

It was the Waterfall Canopy tour. It is just north of Jaco about some 3 kilometers off Costa Neara, From the Costa Neara 2 more kilometers inside. It is nestled back against the mountain with a private entrance to the Tour.

This Canopy tour was originated by a biologist woman from Canada some 8 years ago. It was her property then, she decided it would be a great eco tour, and that it is.. Yes there are others but this one is very good. Now It is under a new owner who is from the USA, and I was told there will be some changes, but frankly it was a very fun and good tour.

The cable lines were all hand strung into the tree’s. Each one at different levels. Using climbing harnesses, and come alongs, they installed all the platforms and lines one by one.

I am sure that was a tedious job, trying to find the perfect tree and the perfect tension on the all the cables. The platforms are also made out of a wood that is nearly indestructible. It is called Nistero. I was told that the insects, and termites do not like it so it is not hampered by there destruction. It is great for using in posts or in this case the platforms that surrounds the trees They were also incased with a mesh wire, like pig wire. Small grids so that nothing can penetrate it, and it also act’s as a reinforcement.



This tour was man made, but allows you to view the rain forest canopy at a level that most people have never seen. The entrance has many trees and plants that were brought in to produce for the people who once lived there. The history told by the guide itself is very interesting. Our Guide yesterday was A young tico named Eric, very cheerful and informed.

His pleasant way of telling the story of the tour was enjoyed by the 7 of us who went on this morning excursion. He and other guides strapped us into our climbing gear, mind you I am not a climber, so I was intrigued by all the pulley’s and straps and safety devices.

He walked us through the entrance, near a rippling stream. Up a small grade into the jungle we went. It was crossing over this same stream several times over crude wood bridges covered with wire. The farther we entered the cooler and more humid it became because of the vegetation, and the water that surrounds this tour.

It was interesting to hear him explain the plant life that is in existence in the entrance of the tour, me being a landscape designer as well have read and used many of the plants that are naturally growing here introduced by nature or introduced by people who were visitors to the country.

The use of plants for medicinal reason, for health, and just for pleasure was shared with us by Eric. The others were really impressed with the information that was given, some of it or I should say most of it I was already aware of. Being that I love nature, plant life. The one thing that interest me is the bio culture here in Costa Rica. This was one of the main reason’s, for my decision to live here. So this was a affirmation of my life in Costa Rica. The fact that he knew, and was sharing with these foreigners, was an inspiration to me.
Now were walking more upward, to scaled steps its not difficult or steep in this part and you can use normal sandals or thongs. I had thongs on and I was completely fine with the hike. It is a clean path, kept by workers so there is nothing to harm your legs or feet. Tennis or Sandals work for this hike perfectly. It was warm so wearing shorts I recommended. All along the path you see and hear the stream.

We saw some small birds and a great variety of plant life. There were many types of ferns, flowers, trees, and parasite plants. Soon we came to a huge set of very vertical stairs cut into the ground and banked with wood called Nistero. To our left was a tree house with two rooms. You have to see it! It’s very cool!

This flight of stairs is a test of your shape, if your in good shape you still have a heart rate, and if your not you may want to take a rest at the landings that are provided in two areas. I rested once, to take a look around and breathe deep.
At the top is a great view, there is decking with a view point looking at the huge waterfall on the back side of the deck. Here they give you very fast, brief instructions on how to do the zip line. I was listening but I was nervous and really didn’t catch all of it. I remember about the brakes, but the rest shot in one ear and out the other.

Soon where walking up another steep grade of stairs. But this one turned went round a bend and ended at the very first zip line.

My eyes were big, I could hear my heart pounding, and for one minute though ok RUN FOR IT GO THE OTHER WAY BACK!!!!


I began thinking of a dear friend of mine who visited this some eight years ago and she explained to me then with photos how cool it really was. I thought about TINA, but was nervous. The other Tour guide tall thin dark haired English speaking, instructed everyone very quietly. I was beginning to tremble a little. Then it was my turn. He told me to hold on, put your legs in a sitting position, feet up and go. Never touch the cable on top in front of you only in the back! Well that was only part I remembered in earlier instructions.

He had me slide off this small tin slide, and I though oh no what If I let go??? But it went so fast and near the end I though oh that was fun?

Then a second and I relaxed completely breathed really deep and enjoyed the tree tops as I whizzed by.
Wow this was really exhilarating! What a rush! Now I knew I needed to look around and not worry about the line but to see this in a perspective as a real thrill, a treat and a way to see the treetops and wild life. I did just that and spotted for the crowd a couple of Toucans, which were in flight, a turkey vulture and some colorful little birds. My friend had his camera and took some incredible shots that I am sure will be a part of his history in visiting Costa Rica.

The canopy is beautiful, peaceful, Tranquillo!

We were nearing the end I thought, then we came to the tree house. This was just like Swiss Family Robinson, maybe smaller but similar. You enter the top platform and there she was… the biggest and longest stretch of line. I gulped and thought!! This one is going to be the best! IT WAS.. I screamed bloody murder all the way , but not a scared scream but a scream of thrill and excitement. But then something happened! I wasn’t heavy enough to carry me to the final end. It stopped. But I didn’t panic for some reason I remembered that they said to turn your self around and pull on the cable backwards towards the platform. I did it for a way but Eric, Jumped on with a rope and towed me the short four feet to the platform.

It was fun! I wanted to try my best to pull myself to the platform with out help. But it was nice that he jumped right there and helped! It wasn’t frightful at all it was a blast. When I got to the landing, three guys from Canada where there laughing and teasing saying wow your great! Then we had one more small one, and drop down that you must repel.

The guides made it so easy for everyone. At the end we had a little refreshment, some fruit and water and we all talked.

They photographed everyone on the Swiss line, so if you like you can have a photo of yourself flying through the air.

I didn't buy it but all the tourist's did, but this month it will be in Jaco guide so I will scan the copy of me waving hello on the cable some hundred or more feet up.

This was so cool I was so happy, then later that evening one of the tourists paid for me to get my hair done, and believe me it was so badly needed! We laughed because the idea of dieing your hair and cutting it blow drying at the cost of $22.00 was less than a quarter of what you would pay for one person. So paying for both of us was still a deal for her.

Yes its strange, but things are coming to me through believeing it will happen, not knowing how but I believe! Now the camera being fixed!! THe next thing is the car... I NEED A TRUCK I NEED TO SELL THE CAR, and tomorrow two people are suppose to be coming I believe its going to be good news!
Rosie and I enjoyed this group, they loved the food there and ate there three times treating me too!

Later we all went and salsa danced... so its been a nice week so far. Only bad thing was the owner of Century 21 forgot to pay the power bill so I have not been able to go there get anu documents, for business. Because Los Suenos called and wants to begin on the remodle, but I need a contract and car to begin the job.

Tonight should be fun we might go see the bull fights!

Sunday beach

First having a biscuit at KFC, with a sandia and walking to the beach. The beach was crowded, lots of people enjoying the sun and surf. The water is perect warm yet refreshing. I stayed for two hours, laid slept a little, and contemplated on a stradegy for coming up with money this week. I do have proposal's for jobs. But those take time and collecting or getting deposits could be days if not weeks.
I need money now! The baking for Rosie is not... which in my oppinion is really good. I love baking My products are good. But I can not produce them cheap enough for her, and They are not familiar with them. So the girls don't really know how to promote. I told her have them eat them, explain what it is and that makes it simple.
There are other places of course, but have to have the money to produce. So that is out for now. Too much trouble with the stove, the getting to the stores to buy the product. The prices are really outrageous for Cream cheese it was over $4.85 cents for a package. So in thinking about this idea... NIX.. it was fun and helped a little. She doesn't want to pay the price. It was over ten bucks for one cheese cake, claiming it was yellow with the explaination it has a lot of eggs.


Its ok really, I am trying that is all I can say.

I still have transcribing but that is basically food money, not base money for the apt.
Talking to people over the weekend, found a place that needed an administrator for a hotel. I am going to try find out what the name is today and talk to them.

The car, nothing yet. The man felix who is an attorney said Tuesday.
I am calling another person today.

So after all that thinking at the beach, no lie I was tired. Racking my brain. No one to talk to, laying and thinking only. I fell asleep for just a moment and some Tico walked by me saying HEY PRECIOUSA... woke me up scared me. He laughed.

I then walked over to Rosie, she pulled up the same time I did. She had a date last night with and ol friend. American guy of course with money. They were going out to dinner and I don't know what else but she was happy. But hungry, she invited me to eat with her popcorn chicken.
Athough I really don't like it I ate it she treated. I didn't want the biscuit I had that for Breakfast.
So I got the cabbage salad they make here. We chatted, didn't talk about problems only fun things. She told me she enjoys me, I told her I love her. We have a very good relationship.

She left with Lonnie, and I sat and talked to Muscle Man David, and Mark from Arizona. We watched some woman almost get her purse ripped off, talked with her for a while. And talked about the night before.

Getting ready for the day, Don't know what it is yet. Didn't talk to anyone really over the weekend, no one from the states, Friends or Family. But this is normal .

The owner of Tabacone

Friday I had a date with this Hair dresser, he had bought me lunch during the afternoon and invited me out for the evening. My friend Cristina, from the dominican republic was wanting to go dancing with me also. But earlier in the day we talked and I explained that it may be possible that I would be with Gorge.
Pronounced Horhay, Gorge called after I was completely ready to say he was having a couple of beers with a friend. So I said that was fine and I would be going into town. I was fine with that, since My friend was really wanting to spend time with me and talk and then go and dance some.

I took off walking back into town.( By the way walking is a great for your health and I have decided, when the car situation gets solved, I will continue walking)

I got about five blocks and he was standing on the side of the road talking with this friend drinking a beer. He called out my name, I stopped and chatted with him.

He told his friend to go and that he had made promise to me. I already knew this would never happen, he and I.

I began walking into town and when I walked off he walked right with me.

Iagreed to have a glass of wine, We chatted and I saw a few people I knew. The owner of one restuarant Called Champs, and few business people in town.

It lasted for about two hours, when I said I wanted to go and thank you very much. He was busy talking with one of his clients most of the entire time. Which was fine, I went and talk to people I knew said hello and asked how business was and what was going on.

All in Spanish!

When I began to leave of course he followed. He saw another woman he knew. They were signaling to each other her from the balcony and he from the ground where we stood. I told him go ahead I don't care. Said my good byes, and began walking normal To nowhere elses place but Rosie's. He yelled and said get back here folded his arms. I knew right away this wasn't going to be working with me... a short moment of his time, interrupted but first his pal, then a client, then another woman. Its not like you think... he was very immature. But I was flattered by the invitation.

I kept walking seeing many people in the street in the evening. Life in an area where it is warm all the time, you have a community of people who walk, ride bikes, scooters, and many cars. So its a busy little town.

People enjoy being out and about. This is one thing that I have learned from the car being smashed. Is that I see so much more walking, and I enjoy the time that I walk. If my feet weren't so tender it would super enjoyable. I ignore the pain,as much as I can. I don't have a choice right now walking is how it is. Aside from all the bad things here, I am sorry I still love it.

I got to Rosies, he followed we didn't talk much on the 7 block aproximately walk.

I ordered a Sandia, with Splenda. This is fresh watermelon with water ice and splenda. Other people use sugar. It refreshes you when you hot, and it has the best taste. One of my very favorites.
Here you can eat watermelon all year round. There is no season here for it. Or pinapple , its the sweetest of sweet.
He Gorge was drunk already talking loud being embarrasing to me in front of Rosie.

He wanted to go to the Casino, I encouraged him to go. There was no way I was going to the Casino. I remember the last time when I had gone with some millionare, who threw down money like it was tollet paper. I became disgusted. Sorry I don't like to Gamble in Casinos. Life is a big gamble yeah, in the casinos' no.

I left in a taxi he came along the Taxi driver dropped him off then me. I was happy to be honest. But I plan on going to his Shop and talking with him, as a friend. He was super sweet before all the drinks. I think talking to him when he is sober the right thing to do.

Then in the morning, it was so peacefull. The landlord and his wife and screaming baby had all gone away for the weekend. So it was quiet and I could hear the birds waking me up. YES THE BIRDS SING LOUD HERE. When Clint was here he was amazed how they sing. Its very nice one of my joys of living here.

My normal breakfast lately at the soda, but more olive oil today. I read that good fats burn fat. I knew this already it is one of the things I have been doing just naturally. Eating some olive oil on veggies, tomatos, salads, with lemon. Avocados which I adore, are the best for cutting fat, which

I eat often I especially like these Japanese peanuts they sell here? ? of all things Japonese. This is how they spell it, Pronouced HAPONASA.. and olives. Ok on to the rest just sharing a bit of information about wieght loss. Eating these things help burn fat. Especially if you eat them earlier on in the day.

Going into town nothing differerent today, I talked to one person and went right to the office. Thinking about a new plan, and working on the bids.

I stayed till about 4:00 right before sunset, Walked to Rosies, saw Mark, this guy from Arizona who lives here three to five months out of the year. He owns a couple of bars in the states. Super cool guy. And I saw David, this huge bulky musclely Canadian, White as a ghost and body covered with Tatoos.

I tell you there are very interesting characters here. Cristina came we all sat drank coffee and talked. We decided to go out again and dance tonight.

Cris and I walked and talked most of the way to her condo, and I continued walking to my place in the dark about more than a mile I would say?

We had a very nice night, Lots of people in the real estate companies, all of my office people. Lots of friends were out and about. We had to pay to get in, Cristina covered it for me. I danced so much in the first hour I was sweating like crazy. Lots of the people from the office where shocked at my dancing abilities. They all complemented me and said TEACH US!! most are Americans, one Canadian and four Ticos.

We met Rosie, Mark, Migalito,David, and bunch of Rosies employees at Monkeys and continued the dance. I don't know but I was hot I had so many dances, with lots of men. IT WAS FUN.. No drinking, didn't matter. My motive always is to DANCE!!! it takes my mind off everything. I am free My spirit is happy. I go to a zone that is super high.

Concentrating on The moves, the steps when it comes to merenge, Salsa, Cumbia. Rumba,or just hip hop dancing. YES HIP HOP!! I had at one time four young guys dancing with me last night. Its common here that more than one guy dances with a girl. I watch the Americans they find it strange. Its fun everyone dances with everyone. Girls included. sometimes Rosie and I dance close and together. All my girlfriends here dance with me they love it! ME TOO..

Well Cristina wanted to go home it was about 2:00 me too. My feet were tired, blistered, and wow I was soaked. But happy!
When I was walking on the sidewalk I past the Trabacone. It is one of the nice restuarants, bar, in town. It had bars in the front at night. I didn't see anyone there at all when I heard a deep voice SAY MARIANNA... YOU WANNA JOIN US?

I looked into the dark restuarant and there was Jonathan the owner and another friend of mine from Sunami sushi.
They invited me in to chat and have a beer.
It was fun because so many people were walking down the street right in front of the place and they would yell out and people would look around then realize who it was.

A couple of other people joined in, we sat in the dark on tall stools facing the street on this food bar. Talking about all the strange characters and some of my experiences here. They were very sympathetic, and The owner invited me today to come and talk with him. He is sweet. He paid for a taxi to take me home.
It was late night conversation, no one was drunk. It was profound, and informing. And I learned about two new people that I see often but never talk to. TICOS the conversation was interesting all right.

Half in English they all speak it and half in Spanish. They were suprised at my Spanish. I made them Laugh at the way I would express my self, Both Jonathan and Mada said Marianna you have a way with words. I knew the right expression for the right situations. Learning it little by little.

I came home read the comments on the blog, and thought Wow there are some real haters out there. I laughed hysterically at one of the comments. But I have to admitt, I agree with the smell the flowers statement. I know its a man that wrote that, I think I know who it is too...( Maybe) He is right to the average person it doesn't add up, It wouldn't make sense to a person who doesn't live here. How you can accept the garbage, the sewage, the problems and yet find things that are simple that makes you happy.

To each there own, and yes I find pleasure in simple things.. Healthy yes, the food is clean here.. they eat much more fresh produce, fish, very little meat. The climate for me has made me healther. No more bronchitus, only when I return from the states. Or Asthma, colds, I haven't had many. My skin is clear now. My heart is so much better. My wieght is really down!

I have all my teeth fixed here which I could never afford in the states not even with insurance!
Of course I had a surgery I wanted for some 28 years. It was needed. I had a pouch that hung down below my pelvis and was super embarrassing. All the work outs in the world could not cure it.
Superficial, yes but I feel healther, I actually like wearing clothes now, which as improved my metal additude towards myself IT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!!

In saying that I still hope the day brings something special.

Angry comments

I guess someone got angry for me on the comments. It wasn't me that put that just so to say. I had to laugh though because I was a little upset when I first read the pathetic comment.. But in thinking I responded the way I did. Most Times I don't repsond to the comments. But What I am dealing with is real here. Maybe some people have never gotten to a point of despair? EVEN WILLIE NELSEN and many other famous people have experienced despair, I love the comment about mistakes, its true that strong people laugh and go on and that is what makes them strong. But its not all about mistakes here. It is about incidents, living in this country or any where mind you things happen. Things that we can not control, It so happens that I have had a stinking tornado swirling around my head here for months!!! I think it has past!! I hope(Cyndy) I use that in referrence because those things of nature cause destruction, and you have no control when they hit. They just sweep and wipe out a path with out regard to persons. Then you see the results when it passes...

Exactly this,

I am still believing in a miracle, And I may have something on the burner here.... something I dreamed about long time ago when I first decided to come here. But how? is the question, Need investments, need income need to get the clean up crew now and start all over after this tornado hit!

Yesterday was productive, no news on the car, but I did get to Herradura for the landscape job, Hugo a man I know gave me a ride there and back.. I did manage to work out all the details on the villa and have the bid together for today. I had a nice lunch with a new friend, he treated me so I ate!! that amazingly made me happy. You can not imagine really what it is like to know you have not enough money to eat. I am so grateful for the things that are happening now. Simple but I am grateful.

I have hope, although most of my hope was dashed, and my dreams became nightmares.. But as I said I wake up everyday and try my best to be happy and have faith that something GOOD IS COMING AROUND THE CORNER...

It is a very pretty day, the hummingbirds just paid me a personal visit right now, they came in close in the little patio and looked right at me.. there so big and cute! they sing and fight and wiz around so fast.. but wow to see them close up like that with out a camera, DANG!
THe landlord left for the weekend, THANK GOD!! no screaming baby day and night, and they tromping around upstairs so it should be a very peacefull weekend..

I guess I will find out?

I just want to Comment AGAIN I honestly don't like to comment on comments. In saying that Who ever writes these is either having fun trying to knock me down, or really has alot of bitterness amd hate inside. I am doing the best I can to live, I don't harm people. I try my best not to hurt people. Although we all hurt others because not all of us know what is in the hearts of people. My heart is hurt, I am survivng daily as of now. But still I try to be happy, and find some sort of joy. I need to send you a copy of this months Jaco guide and you can read the aritcle I wrote about the country. If you live here you need to come talk to me face to face.
If you have never been here. then your comments are null. There are more than outsiders here that have money.
I believe, and in my belief in a number of cases, I have made things HAPPEN!!! I will change this situation, I will succeed once again, I do see my dreams, and they have become reality before. So why is it different now? Riches are not everything, I am rich in much more than money.. Money is essential, I need it to survive but I know inside I have many gifts, and in reality I have never been rich.. I am not alone here in issues, nor is the rest of the world. I don't ask for help, I help myself, the only way I can!

So go on, be hatefull but don't infect me with it. I AM NOT A HATER...

A very good day yesterday

I believe in Miracles, some people don't but at this moment it is the one thing I have to hang on too. Miracles happen often, little ones and bigs ones. I need a huge one right now and its highly possible that is can happen.

Yesterday was a very nice day, nothing outrageous happened but it just was conciderably nice. It began early, but exiting my house late. Seems like I have issues getting out of the house before ten everyday lately.
I went to the little soda, had my one egg and toast. Walked into town and dropped a huge bag of laundry. I then went to the pharmacy to find out how much my phone bills where and to pay on the internet bill. The cell phone was not much I was able to pay for that and the internet and for some reason it was less this month? only $16.00 dollars.

From there I walked to the Amapola where I worked for four or more hours transcribing for a lead book there making. I got paid $20.00 dollars and that helped in the paying of the cell phone. Seems so ridiculous the amount of money, but as I said earlier in yesterdays blog, that it is better to be doing something than worring.

It was quiet sitting out near the gardens, hearing all the macaws screaming and flying right over head. It was really hot but the breeze blows through that area, it was pleasant. The only uncomfortable thing was, that my feet had new blisters.

It doesn't matter what type of shoes I wear. It could be a simple thong, they still blister. These had big straps across the feet, the heat, walking friction causes big blisters. I rested my weary feet by removing my shoes and relaxing. No one cares here about not having shoes.

Well after several hours of that, I walked back to town, went to the office to check mail but the batteries on the wireless remote were dead so that didn't work.. I feel so ghetto I can not believe I have no money for batteries!!!

But it was a very nice day concidering. I visited with Rosie, then left around 6:30 as I was walking home, I saw this Chiropractor that works in town. We said hello, then he asked me where I was going? I said to my home. He said would you like to have a drink with me? I said sure but in my mind was thinking I would rather have food... We walked and talked and went to this little place right on the beach.
Being the professional he is he noticed I was walking oddly, I explained I have been walking alot and that my feet were very sore, and blistered.
When we sat down, of course the conversation was about his type of work. I told him I always have pain in my traps, and that it radiates to the spine constantly. That recently my spine hurts.

He didn't know a thing about the leg that was broken, and told me that generally when you have pain in the upper area it is from a injury to the foot or leg. In thinking this poor foot was injured three times.

The first was when I was very young, My sister Frances, had me on the back of a bike, When I caught my foot in the spokes and it tore all the flesh off the heel.
My mother did not believe much in doctors, so she simply wrapped it with a torn sheet, and let it heal naturally. It was never the same. you to this day can see the huge scars on my heal.
Then once I was wheeling my other Sister Rebecca, in her wheelchair down a broken sidewalk at night. When I turned my foot and broke the foot. I continued to wheel her about a block or more to the car, helped her in and then drove myself to the hospital to find out it was broken. The last injury was when I was hit by a car here on my bycicle and the injury was so extensive that I had to have a couple of operations.

Even though I still dance and do the things normal people do, with pain but I continue. With out all that he knew immediately that I had something wrong with one of my legs. He talked for a long time untill I showed him the leg, he pressed on pressure points and I went about through the roof. The stress in my shoulders is incredible the pain is extensive .

Ok ok so any way!! He offered to buy me dinner, so we talked ate and had a very nice time. He wanted to continue of course for the rest of the night. But I declined and walked home.
Earlier in the day going back to the pain in the back... Fred the man who runs the Vacation resort at the Amapola had given me a ticket for a free massage. So today now knowing about the body more. I will make and appoitment with the massage therapist and explain the points to massage to releave the pain I am having. So YES YESTERDAY WAS A NICE DAY.
I made money for some simple work, paid my cell, had a nice dinner and found out about my body. Got a free massage that I plan on using before the weekend!

I talked to the attorney friend of Angelys, again and he is seriously trying to get the car resolved. I PRAY THIS HAPPENS FAST! IT HAS BEEN A MONTH NOW.

Also I had an interest off my website on some property. Lets hope this is a serious interest.
The property is beautiful, huge. Next to a new national park. In five years will be worth much more than you can imagine.

I manage to talk to the owner of the three condos, so today I should go and take a look and get my ideas formulated for that project as well.

I am trying to get any source of work, I am open to any offers.

So I hope this weekend goes well, and that some how I come up with the rest of the money for my apt.

At the Amapola

Walking into town today was hot, I walked the whole town today from one end to the other. I went to Angley and told him that I was not happy with his lies, and that I was not waiting for his so called promise to help with the car.

Then went into my office for a hour or so, made some contacts. Walked to the other end of town to the Amapola, Where I hand wrote tons of names, numbers emails for a Vacaction package company there. They are not paying me much but its better than sitting home and worring. As soon as the list is done I then will create a spread sheet for them and enter it in to the computer.

When we were done, we went into the Casino that is there on the property. In the front of the Casino was the kid that took the car.. I stopped and questioned him as to what he was doing and what was going to happen? If you lived here you would understand the system here is nothing like the USA. The police hardly enforce anything, getting these guys to take care of this may take over four years. The boy was frightened, he saw me with Joe that man I talked about at the Malecone, He works the Vacation package program, He must of thought he was some sort of inforcer.
He explained he had been talking to my attorney..ok I didn't know what he was talking about? I don't have an attorney working on this? Well after confronting the mother who works at the Amapola in the Casino she told me the Attorney has been talking to them daily about the car?

Come to find out a friend of Angleys has been calling them, she called him while I was there and he told me the scoop. I was shocked but pleased that possibly there is a resolution to this mess.
He told me some information in english that I was not aware of. I hope I can be patient about this. But I was pro active yesterday and called several people to come and check the car out to get it sold.

I manage to get all the information of the villas at the Amapola too while I was there in order to give a bid on the remodel.
I should have that today to submit.

After I worked for a few hours and got paid a very small amount, Joe and Fred the two that run this program invited for a drink. I had a soda, we talked then they wanted to go see the sunset. I wanted to go too, I love our sunsets here. We sat talked and then Joe treated me to a boca, that is a small amount of food like a mini plate but it has three things, like salad, rice and a meat. I had Garlic squid. That was my dinner. I was thankful that he offered.
They both know what I am going through and Fred has gone through a smilar situation in his life too, so he completely understands and has such good things to say to me.


Got a letter from the client' finally that I sold the art too. She apologized and was very kind in the letter.. That was nice.
I had Dickey my old time love your guts friend send me the most encouraging letter, this man knows me well. He knows my capabilities, my strenghts, and my spirit most of all. THANK YOU JON, I needed to hear from friends.



Ok so I want to see what is going to happen now with this car, My plan is to buy a small something pay the rent and have food money...


The Jaco guide came out yesterday, I write for it believe it or not, (and by the way this damn spell check on the blogger does not work, Sorry if I have all those errors.)

But it did come out, When I wrote the article, I was in the worst frame of mind, after submitting it I had remorse. But when reading it yesterday it came out really well! It actually read very well? Shocking my own self at my ability to disguse my real feelings. ON HERE No I don't disguse what I feel or think. I am open, and half the people in the world are in fear of really devulgeing there inner feelings. People hide everything, Lots of people..
When I am down I apologize for those horrid feelings that I share but maybe it touches someone who has the same if not similar feelings and allows to know that they are not alone in their thoughts.

On to a new day, with the hopes and faith that the jobs that were offered last week come through. I AM A TOUGH WOMAN, Yes I struggle, yes I have issues, WHO DOESN'T being here does have blessings, and I will continue till I can not do it any more. Learning, I pray from all this.

Waking up at 3:30 and can't return to sleep

I woke up at this ungodly hour to feeling strange, first getting up drinking some water, then lying there in my little bed thinking about my life. It has been filled in the past with so many accomplishments, and good things.

But this morning all I could do was think about the problems I am experiencing and how it is wearing me down. Thinking about the boys who took the car, how nothing has been done, all lies. The guy who said he was going to help me but did that to get close to me, only a ploy to get what he wanted. The people who I sold the art to, when they found out I had problems, no longer want to communicate with me. It goes on and on, Amazing how the human nature of the majority of people are. I am not saying I expect hand outs or people to come running to my rescue. But I can say this, you really do know the nature of people when you are at your worst. At least for me anyway.

Maybe they are concerned but don't know how to help or show it.

The boys are not concerned, they are releaved now that the car is here with me and they don't have to see it daily to be reminded of the mistake they made and that there mother is not on there backs to do something about it.

The guy who said he was going to help me Angely, he used my dispare to use me.

The people with the beautiful home that I posted on the web, well theirs maybe fear that I want to try to get something from them? who knows but before the art they were wanting to buy my sofa, getting it cheap. It didn't work in the house because of a box, I suggested that they remove it they got my help three different days and didn't pay a dime but did by the art and I did make a commission on it.
There was a tag on the art that was less than Hellena charge, I didn't see it but the owner did. He must of though we were cheating them out of money? But she explained that the price had gone up in November, and it was the same amount of money that they paid me for the commission. So that meant they added on the commission.
He must have felt we cheated them, or maybe he does feel he wants nothing to do with someone who is struggling? I have emailed them maybe five time's just saying hello, Merry Christmas, Happy new year, and hows your art are you enjoying it.
The last mail I got him right after the sale said,

be greatfull for what you have. Have a good week,

That was it? All these things were rolling through my head when I woke up. The fact that the oldest son and girlfriend just got a new car, and are planning a nice trip to California.

My other son with a law suit for a car accident that he had some four years or more ago, and how he has nothing to give. Barely making a living with a new baby and how unfair the situations of life are. The law suit is outrageous ok? simply greed. In fact its all greed. The suit is completely trumped up. But in the states its all about lawsuits.

Everything that happens there is a suit. Yes I think they are nessesary in some cases, but this one is ridiculous. The kid has nothing, the furniture in the house is mostly my old furniture. Julians bed I bought. He walks to work, doesn't have a car. He comes homes plays on the computer or watches TV. The girlfriend takes care of the baby because the cost of the child care is so much they would never make it.
I pray day and night for them.

And now here I am facing the street practically. I try everyday to be positive to think something good is coming. I wake up with drive every morning, yet the doors have been shut to me in many cases.
I googled my name and few other people last night just to see what comes up. I was shocked to see my name all over the net. The paper publications, the appearances that are still on the net when I did shows, the cooking shows and more. AND NOW HERE I AM??

It just doesn't make sense to me. The older I get the less I understand life.

Yes life happens, and I seriously deal with things. But with out a partner, or help its pretty tough.

I feel so strange, I am sitting in the dark typing I can not sleep. I am worring about not having food, I have lost wieght which is always good for a woman. But all my clothes are falling off, walking is wonderful, I actually enjoy it if the blisters on my feet would heal. But I need trasportation to help me do things faster, get work and possibly find a new place to live.

When I came home last night, I was met by four men in my apartment. They were fixing the line and the sink. The landlord let them in of course, but my lap top and personal things were sitting out. I felt invaded, he didn't even have the curtisy to call me and tell me they were going in? When I walked up he just said hello. That was bad to me? Maybe I am wrong but I felt strange then.

The night before I woke myself up screaming help~~ I had a dream that this creepy man was touching me it was dark he had a parking vest on the ones with florecence colors on the side. I could see his face, its someone I know hes not nice he is here in town. It was an ugly dream. Then I remember my mother use to wake up at times screaming help help... I wonder if she had similar dreams? All this is in my head when I woke up.

How to pay for the phone, the internet the power I paid it was only 16 dollars this time. But my three phones one for the office, the cell which is like generally 25 dollars, and the house that GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MUCH THAT IS, because Raquel called Spain one morning before I got her out of here.

I am sure to some people who read this, this is so ridiculous, the amount of money. Really if it was USA I would think nothing of paying a $300 dollar cell phone bill. But I make so little here, and now I have exhausted everything I have. So its all relevant

I don't know about other people, but when I get to thinking I think about everything, about stupid Cristhian how he used me too... even in the end asking me after I told him I didn't have work and that I could not have him working any more.. Asked me to pay his cell phone bill, several times.
The landlord and his abuse, I don't use the stove that much but what if i did? I didn't have use of it for more than a month. The oven has always been a problem. The stove worked only at times.
I had a light switch in the back where my clothes are in this little hall closet. I could never see the clothes I had to get on my hands and knees to see it. I told him to fix it over and over and never did.
This is not the first time the house flooded. This is the third time. The other was because of the rain entering through the pool over flowing, and one time because water was coming up through the toillet because the pressure of water was too high. This time the line broke under the sink.

I mean to tell, a million things are going through my head.

I am just worring sick right now,
What I really want is work, I want these people who make these promises of jobs to really give them to me. So many has fallen through. I want my life to be less worry and to be able to wake up normal, IT would be so nice to have someone in my life too. Someone that could hug me maybe? and at least I could feel the human touch? ya know?

I saw a commercial last night about this guy on the street, it was something like Al amost gave Joe a sandwich, but he didn't, and frank almost gave Joe a place to sleep, but he didn't and Jerry Almost gave Joe a blanket but he didn't and Joe almost made it through the night but he didn't.

At the end it said Give don't almost.

I really understand that boy do I.. It reminded me of a Friend of Mine who gives all the time Sharon. She has a heart of gold. I miss her. Not that I want anything from her but I was reminded of her when I saw that. Not very many people give. Especially here. Its not easy.

Although I have, we have a few street people, and I can say that I have helped all the ones I see all the time. From money, to food, to ciggerettes, to water, to drinks. I even gave clothes. We have one who does nothing but helps people park cars. People give him a little change. He simply directs not drives. I remember seeing him with no shoes feet sore, black and the same surf shorts on for months lying in the side of the store drinking guado.

Now he has flipflops, and new shorts he still drinks, but he has new clothes. He is black as black from the soil but he has a smile.
He see's me on the beach and sings to me. I just smile at him never really talk but it is true people do not like to deal with those that are less fortunate.

Not that I am there yet, and I hope I don't have to go there but GOD IT SURE FEELS UGLY RIGHT NOW. I am worried.


I can hear the bird singing now the sun is starting to come up. We have so many beautiful birds they sing so pretty here. And now all the damn dogs are barking. Just hate that part!!!
Yesterday after the rain stopped which was about one. It absolutely Pour, unusual for this time of year. I walked to the soda to get a sandwich,800 colones, about $1.45 . As I was walking, I heard the mocking of the Macaws, I looked up and in the low branches of this short pistachio tree were two Macaws looking at me. I looked right into there faces. Even though I was so discouraged, not being able to leave the house because of the rain for hours, the power went off and I couldn't finish geting ready, I smiled and felt happy to see those beautiful things of nature.

The flew off the minute they smelled me, but flew very low near the ground about above my head.

Sitting at the soda yesterday, I sat facing the back with my back to the people. Looking out over the butterflies and the rubble that is all over the ground here in most places. Thinking how is it that this country has such beautiful nature and the people throw all the trash everywhere?

Just Confusing, As I said earlier the older I gt the less I understand life.