In a recent email from Milo, he stated that I was not real, that I wrote glamorous, made up adventures about what paths my life was taking.
Do any of you know really what a blog is? Its the actually happens of your daily life, in real form. How you feel about the day and the week the events of the week or day,people and other things around you. Its not meant to trick you into thinking I am making up some sort of story for story sake. Its about Reality... MY REALITY.
Milo for your information, I AM REAL THE MOST REAL PERSON YOU WILL EVER MEET, if Drama is involved the let it be.
Last night Milo Dropped a bomb on me, its only been four months that we have been talking and
emailing, messaging and a few times of being together. To be exact its a matter of two and half weeks of actually seeing each other. No time to really know one another in my oppinon.
Lets get to the day:
Started the day with jazzercise, it was pretty good, Sharon taught. We had snacks,and then I went to lunch that was thrown for me, after I went into portland as I stated in yesterdays blog got stumped, and drove back in the terrible rain and BAD BAD TRAFFIC.
I still needed to search for product so I came home changed, was asked to babysit and left. I finished my search had some dinner and rushed back to sit with Kelsey.
I was thinking while I was watching Kelsey, why hasn't Milo called? he hadn't called in a couple of days. Ever since he went to Austin Texas. He got really drunk there and messaged me on the computer instead of calling me which I thought was rude. He has this thing where he won't call till after nine so he can use his free minutes, and sometimes he calls right before he goes to bed, leaving me a few minutes to try to tell him what is going on.
The past few weeks have not been good with my plans. The Sale of the house, the van and a problem a debt.
I have been sharing with him my hardship, opening up and telling how things are really bothering me, but I guess I should have figured that once you share a problem with someone whom you think cares, always becomes a weapon to be used against you. I just feel, that when one person in the relationship is going through some trials, the partner or the other person involved in the relationship would or should, be there as a support and try to help the other along, but in this case its a thorn in his side.he has no compassion, or nurturing feelings in him, but what he does have is venimous words and unkind behaviours, and hatefull pointed jabs.
For example:
I told him I had been getting ill with a cold and was not feeling well, that it always leads to bronchitis here... Not once did he say he was sorry and he wished he could do something for me or asked me if I was ok? yet he used that to say I was trying to get attention from him... All I was doing was mearly making conversation, about how I was feeling which wasn't very good. Amazing how things get misinterpeted!! there is a whole lot more but that could be a very borning story or MAYBE NOT??
The Bomb:
He comes on line late, saying he was at his mothers, then proceeds to tell me that he had bad news about the Costa Rica Project, well I had this feeling a long time ago and aked him point blank he wasn't telling me the truth about it. Story is that he said it was bad news that it wasn't probably going to happen and he did it on the computer, not in a phone call not to talk to me not to say it in person but in a unemotional way through typing. Not only did he say that, but then he made up some excuse about his vacation time. I few weeks ago he told me he was trying to get his vacation time scheduled that he had some time left and that he planned on using it to come and be there before the project started in January, when I questioned him on this last night he told me he had none, that he used it all when he came here and when he went to see his grand daughter.
I was furious, I told him it was not a computer conversation that he should pick up the phone and call me. But obviously he didn't care what I wanted he only thought about his own self.
I hung up on him on thanksgiving. I had called him to really have a heart to heart about some of my problems with the house, he suggested I let it go to foreclosure, and give up everything. I got very upset this is not what I wanted to hear, I wanted him to be supportive and to give me some good suggestions, instead I could not believe my ears I got upset and Just dropped the phone, the battery came off and at that point, I heard Kelsey crying. We were at Kimberlys and Kelsey had found out at that moment that she had pinworms. It was caos, Brandon had a migrane and now I was upset over this. So I did not call him back, nor did he try to call me back I did call and appolgize for that, but Last night he threw that in my face saying if he called me, and I hung up it would be the last time. So in other words threating me... STUPID OK..
All I know is that I do not deserve to be treated, in any way the disrespect he has giving me.. what has happen to men?
In a letter he sent me tonight he accused me of being a fake in my success with the business, that it was all a front, he even through at me the fact that If it was meant for me to have a caddillac I would still have it, little does he know, that I chose to get rid of it to live simpler, different, to try to learn more about myself and try a different life. Do something for me for once, live a little before I am too old too, and can't. I always find ways to make things happen.
Maybe some can not understand about wanting to change, and having some rest in your life, but the lifestyle I had was so draining and the way the economy is here in the USA its such a rat race to keep up to standards.
I have never really asked anyone for help in my life, I have pretty much figured out how to do things and yes I have muddled through many times. Some of us are Fortunate to have things handed to us, the rest of us have to figure out how to attain things and some of us struggle but we make it.
To be hatefull to someone because they struggle is a sin, and to put them down and make them feel as though they are not worthy is a bigger sin. I want to be the kind of person, that helps others. That if they need me and honeslty appreciate me I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THEM. NOT TEAR THEM DOWN WHILE THERE DOWN.
Reality is, I am pist at him, and its all over me not wanting to move to Albuerqurque. After telling him for the tenth time, he began putting me down saying bad things, and acusing me of all sorts of things.
I AM FAR FROM A GOLD DIGGER... that was not the words he used but same meaning, using his position as the definition of my needs. In other words he said that because he is an architec I wanted to use him for what he could do for me instead of me wanting him.
It's not good, I told him he was working his way to the bottom.
I also should have known right away when a red flag jumped at me when I was there visiting him. I wanted to make Steak dinner for him stuffed steak and I did, but when we went to buy the steaks he only bought one, maybe it was the PRICE? but he still only bought one steak.
Frankly I was stunned, I didn't know what to say but when we got to the check out counter I said, "SO WHAT ARE YOU EATING FOR DINNER?" Cause I am eating that steak, he said oh steak I said no seriously what are you eating that is not enough for both of us... he just laughed it off, and inside I was pist. Thinking ok thats a sign of control, making sure we didn't eat too much... he says things like he doesn't care what I look like, but hey the very first thing out of his mouth when he met me was OH YOUR A PRETTY LADY, its all bullshit ok??
Now on to better things: About the blog, I started this so that friends and relatives could kinda keep up with what I am doing, plus its a good way to express your feelings about your days and it is difinately a release of sorts.
Today was difficult, Greg Hemstreet, wanted us to do this Christmas tree, but his ex wife stole the bottom half of his tree, switching the tree with her ugly one thus leaving half of a pretty tree and half of an ugly tree. I knew this last year as I wired it together for him, making it look beautiful. But the other day when he was scheduled for me to do this, he didn't have the bottome half. He sent me to get a new one but after two Costcos and another place I didn't find one. He called today for us to set it up and got the bottom again. That was terrible we had to redu all the lights and I was not well. He gave me shit and talked crap but he knew I wasn't feelign good and then apologized to me, told me I was the best in order for me to finish the stupid tree...After I decided not to do any of the work that was waiting for me here. WHICH IS AHUGE PROJECT. I was so upset about Milos actions, his hatefull words, and what I had to deal with at Gregs house I decided to do something for me and get some rest.
I went tanning, then I went had a pedicure... it felt GREAT!! I was a happy girl, I came home ate some gummy worms, took a shower and decided to stay here and pack my trunks with things. So I can go back to Jaco.
Then I got the letter, after reading it, I wasn't mad I was disapointed,once again another man who can not accept who I am. I believe that yes we had good moments, and the time we had was good... That if it was meant for only a season then it was meant for only a season. HE SCREWED UP.
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