Thanksgiving is not the same any more

This is so strange, I am sure I am going to get bad comments on this one but Its my thoughts and this is basically about my life and what goes on in it.

I flew for 16 hours to Vancouver Washington, I really was not sure about staying at my oldest sons house, A friend of Mine Tina offered for me to stay in here cabinas and I was going to but it worked out for while to stay at my sons. They my son and his girlfriend, wanted me to go to my sisters which is 5 or more hours away from Vancouver. My sister has not talked to me or emailed me in more than year and half.

The last letter was bad, said hurt full things and I never responded to it. Siblings often have issues. Mine with her is always different. This time she thought I had lost my mind to move to Costa Rica and made it clear that I was off my rocker. So since then I have not written to her. So I felt why would I want to go and be in her home durning Thanksgiving when I flew here to be with my sons their families... my grandchildren.These are my true thoughts! They decided to go there, I was going to stay at the other sons house for a couple of days but I found out that the brother of the girlfriend is with out a job and was staying for a short time at his home.So I felt uncomfortable staying in there small apartment two room with baby,my son his girlfriend and the brother.

I wanted to try to figure out how to spend Thanksgiving with the two but it has not worked out. The younger was upset, as I have not been with him for his birthdays, Christmas for three seasons, and wanted to spend Thanksgiving day with me.

He is a chef, the restaurant he works for, has over 2000 reservations and he gets off work at 4:00. My idea was well, you must not want to come home and help Mom cook for Thanksgiving? Why don't we celebrate on Sat giving you a day to rest. And I would loose my pride, be nice and go with the oldest son and his girlfriend to my sisters and her husbands. That would satisfy My son, renew the bond with my sister AGAIN... (I have done it before many times....) and be able to have a dinner and nice day with my youngest.
DIDN'T WORK.

The oldest was not upset that I had decided not to go, but to stay with the younger and make dinner with him. He was understanding and good about it. But the younger didn't have money to purchase the things we needed so I paid what little I had and got some things for us to cook tomorrow.
The older left in the day to my sisters. I felt sad I really wanted some how to be with both, either one on one day and one on another since they don't really associate.

Very difficult situation.

Well today after I went to Jazzercise, Sharon taught I went to my sons home, and they were preparing to leave. I showered and ran into Portland to the Costco. Then I drove to Woodland to see the younger son after he got off work and to take him to the store to buy the dinner needs.
We visited and he decided it was best I go buy the things and go early tomorrow to cook.
I had taken Clint with me to visit, then dropped him off after we went to the grocery store. While driving to my sons house I had a thought. First I was sad they left to my sisters with out me and that we all can't be together because of the strain on the relations. Then I thought I wonder if they locked the house up and I have no key? My clothes all my things were in the house locked up.
Nothing was mentioned when I said good by earlier, have a nice trip, enjoy your time there. But they had to have seen my suitcase next to the door?

They locked the house just like I thought without a note or key and now it is dark and very cold. I have to add I been ill since I arrived bad cold or flu or something but Its miserable. The cold weather to me is unbearable and I have no clothes for it no socks nothing. Just a small sweater and short jacket.So now I driving in the little truck he let me use. I come to the driveway and see his car in the drive. I think, I bet its totally locked and now I am screwed!! First I am feeling left out ok Maybe it is incorrect but in my mind its kinda strange that I fly here to see them and they go off. So My hunch was correct. Everything is locked up tight. I panic a little because its dark very cold and I feel sick.Not to say sad too.

So I walk around the house to see possibly a window something open so I can get my things and get in the warm. But no.
I walk next door thinking maybe the neighbor has a key. I knock knock knock... not home. I don't have a phone or a way to call anyone.
I see the lights on in a house across the culti sac.. remembered they had a dog and possibly the dog may be there and she or he might know who in the neighborhood has a key (WHY WASN'T ONE GIVEN TO ME or something?) This young lady answers and just stares at me I say Hello I am Brandon's Mom, and I am locked out of there house. All my things are in there. She said I have the key. I replied OH GOOD, she didn't smile or even respond she said I can Unlock it for you... I stood there and looked at her she was not allowing me to have the key? In shock now and thinking ok this is very weird. I Said Well I am his mom and all my things are there and I need the key, she then handed me the key.
She never said a word, not a hello nor a good bye? so I walked across the way and was stunned while I walked. Rather pist to say the least. I thought wow! what if I didn't walk over there, how did I know that this house would have a key? and if I didn't I would be stuck out in the cold for four days with no clothes until they returned. I could have gone to Tina's but I would have no clothes, no toothbrush, hair brush makeup nothing!!! Maybe it was my fault, I didn't ask but generally I have a way to get in. This time nothing was said, nor offered. I just feel like this is not the way I want or should be treated?

Now I am sitting alone in my sons home, warm but sad.

I am a clean person, neat orderly, respect other peoples property. I am not abuser, drug user, or alcoholic. I try to be kind, I try to be helpful and think of other people. I can not understand what my life is. I feel at this moment I really have no reason. Maybe it was just an over site, but I put myself in the place if it was my mom would I do this to her? NEVER!!

I similar situation the other night at the youngest sons. I went to see him for the first time since I arrived. Its a long way from Vancouver. The oldest let me borrow the truck to go. We chatted for a few minutes and he took off with his friends to play Xbox till three am. I realize he is young 23 years old and maybe didn't feel that was so bad. But I drove all the way to see him, hadn't seen him in months, and he was the one that threw the fit about me going with the oldest.. So that was rude, I said nothing about it. I just went back to the oldest's house which is 45 minutes away.
Feeling again sad about his behavior. Never would I do that to my mother after she drove to see me, and flew from a long way away.

Thanks giving is not the same.. my heart right now is breaking. I have to share that I cried on the plane trying to figure out how I would spend this holiday with my sons and family. And it was true it is a sad situation... maybe not for them but for me its very sad. There is no relationships, I guess the moving away caused that? but before I left it was not the same it was only one part of the reason I moved to Costa Rica. Too much drama, too much pain. I thought perhaps, the separation, would make them realize that you only have one mother. But I see it has not changed.

I really think that after this trip, I may not return. Until they can come and see me if they choose.