Monday Oct 30

The blogger dash board changes from week to week sometimes the SPELL CHECK WORKS AND SOMETIMES THE FONT BOARD IS NOT WORKING AND SOMETIMES this stupid thing print twice or three times??? its a quandry but I still keep bloggin.

I did not sleep good last night had bad dreams about Tony, I guess he is on my mind because of things that have happened. I woke up early and had coffee, got dressed for the gym and left the house pretty early. I got there at 7:30 worked out pretty good, then came back to shower and prepare for the day. Returned emails and calls came in, then Ivan the drapery guy came by to meet me for the Macaw project. Tony was in in San Jose with a truck picking up products that I had paid for a couple of weeks ago. Ivan is so nice, and so cute. He always has a smile on his face and is so kind and gentle. Just love him... wish I was a bit younger!! we get along very well too. His boss was with him this time and he is getting better with me. Kidding and now joking and carrying on.

I heard from Tony about ten times today, but nothing really was said. I have some talking to do to him. I know he thinks everything is ok but honestly I have allot of questions, I think it may be best to just carry on let him do what he does, and see how this thing rides out. I think the stress of the office and all the different project, the language barrier has causes strain between him and I. When the dust settles here, I am sure things will get better.
I had a huge truck load of furniture today that he over saw, help Minor the truck driver that I use find all the locations and loaded all the furniture with him. When they showed up Orlando was with him I was shocked to see him. I asked why he was with but I really didn't get an answer.

Tony Looked tired, in fact he went to bed at 9:30, so I suppose he was really tired.

My day consisted of banking twice, driving back and forth to the office three times, meeting with the furniture vendor, meeting with drapery people, meeting with the window sign people, and dealing with the three brothers working in the office.

I actually ate sushi for lunch, from the Auto merchado. It was pretty good, I am tired of rice and beans at the moment, this is what the staple of food is here. Tony eats a ton of it, frankly I am sick of it!! I wanted something different and felt good to be different today. I dressed really cute the hair was good the makeup was good and I felt very pretty and sexy today. I got lots of complements. It was nice.

I hope that tomorrow goes well with Tony and I, I am feeling very strange with him since this last week. It was nice today not as hot, In fact this evening was pleasant.

I can not sleep the problems of the past few days are present in my mind and the lies, deception of people are lying on my head, keeping me from sleeping and feeling good, that is why I went over board today in looking and trying to feel sexy and good...

Miss my kids I know that came out of no where???

Todays Thoughts,

I would love to write, all about my weekend, which I must admit this week has posed some interesting situations with the office, Tony, Me, David and his Brothers separation, this is the factory that manufactures most of the furniture, and now they said That This factory is my factory. That the work they produce is soley for me. The Contractor Jimmy who never showed up to complete his work only after he got a nice sum of money. To conclude, I am trying my best to not be angry, to be kind, to Try to trust and to do well unto others regardless of the LIES, DECETE, and the Mal intentions that people have.

Lots of Huge decisions this week and lots of mistakes this week from the above mentioned people ME INCLUDED OF COURSE!...

As we grow older, some of us do learn. Alot of us repeat the same mistakes over and over and over... I am seriously trying to convert my ways and make my life better Here in Costa Rica, I will say that his week has been a trial of all trials. Being an emotial beign as most of us are, (some more than others.) Especially women, I have a sixth sense on many situations, and some times forsee things far before they happen.

Trusting people has been a difficult area in my life, because of all the deception, that men in my life have posed upon me, so bare with me, I am not going to do any men bashing but all of the sitations with this week dealth with men.

The mind is powerfull, I see it more and more each day with myself, I am able to see where things are hidden. I am able to know where to find product for my work with out calls by taping in to something I can not identify. I Know sitations now for my most part before they happen. I can sometimes know exactly what a person is going to say before they say it. And I know what they think. Constantly, this happens with me and now I am learning that other people can be very suave in using Mind control towards others. I know that minipulation is touchy subject and that it is used in mind control and marketing.

But when your miniupulated and finally realize that you are, the brain goes into defense mode. I have been defensive, many times in my life, this is a side of me I hate. I also have lied in my life about things when I was much younger. Lots of people lie I try now to not and now I hate it when people lie to me or use that to control my mind. I absolutely know when people are lying. I caught many this week in lies it was hurtfull, and so disapointing, that people use this form of minupulation in order to make you think they like you, or for you believe that they are good when in fact they are not.

I heard a lie just now that someone said about me, that I was a lesbian, now no offense to lesbians. I love them I have had many friends that are... BUT I AM NOT A LESBIAN, In fact I LOVE MEN EVEN THOUGH THEY DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO MOST WOMEN. This lie was used to minipulate someone close to me, to disway him and minipulate him in a situation that was and can be very seriously harmfull to his future.

Most of the time we are not very reasonable creatures, some of us are not even aware of our emotional reactions in our everyday decisions, in results. These decisions cause us pain, upset,and problems or in reverse can cause happiness and joy and success.

I am learning alot about minuplation, Some of us allow others to do this to us with out regret, and some us get angry at the power of there brain. I want to learn more about this area... and then become intuned to those who tend to use others to help themselves. I want to learn how to become better person. Then try to show others how they can be better, NOT THAT I AM BETTER OR GOOD BY ANY MEANS but I have it in my heart to teach others.
I want to be good and kind and giving and help others always. If this is my only purpose in life, and not a material gain for me, then this is what I will do. I feel good when I give, I feel good when I make others laugh and I feel good with I lend a hand to someone who is not so fortunate. Although I have not had much help myself from others, with the exception of my parents who helped me tremendously, and handfull of friends, and I have had some in my life really lend to me. NOT MONEY

The results of bad situations, in my experience, always brings someone or something good around the corner. To dwell on the bad or to have someone make you feel bad constantly is the results of minipulation.

I have had that much in my life... I want this changed.


Decisions:

Men make decisions faster than women, impluse is an emotional reaction. But Womens impluses are to me greater than most men.

Our Desicions, are a direct reflection of our past lives, and our future. The results of our descisions can be great or difficult. The choices we make in life are easy, yes?

My mother told me one time. Marianna... you either do or you don't.. Its either yes or no... someone asks you do something, you say YES OR you SAY NO... I believe in Gray areas, but I know for a fact that it really is Yes or no, its just hard to say No sometimes or its hard to say yes.


Where am I going with this? Well I saw my own decisions this week falter because I hestiated. I saw my decisions cause anger in me because of rushing and not wieghing things out, implusively... I saw the decisions of Tony in the business this week cause success, and progress. And I saw a descision that caused harm, threatening his future, pain and sorrow and anger.

I really want to think about My decisions, and help others THINK ABOUT THERES!

I saw the decisions of David and his brother splitting, cause sorrow and inspiration, and renewed strenght to both Davids Brother, and now me... He said to me some very powerfull things, which inturn minipulated my mind from sadness and fear, to hope and inspiration... in knowing that with out the pain of bad situations caused by other peoples decisions the joy of life is not possible. You have to experience loss or pain in other to "disfuita the vida" is what he said.. meaning ENJOY THE LIFE.. We have to know when to let things go, and let people go, or children go... in order to love more and continue growing in our own life. Its possible that I may let some things, and people go...

As much as I hate it, I have to...

Having Confidence in someone, for most people is difficult, the trustworthy person, do they still exsist? I swear I am trust worthy, I do not lie to my friends, Nor my family. I do not steal money or rob my clients, I am not decetfull to others for my personal gain.. Nor say I love you and really hate you.. or dislike you.. I am honest to the point that yes it is sometimes harmfull this is an area I need help in. But honesty is hard to come by, Why lie? Tell the truth, with someone like me... I find out before you tell the lie... and well It could hurt you. ASK JORDAN MY SON!! he used to get so mad that I always knew his lies...

The lie is powerfull and it is a form or minipulation.


Soap box statements! heavy on my mind.. about how people seduce others to do what they want and lie about it.

BE REAL!

Electrical from Hell

Well today was a total experience in Building in Costa Rica, Wow what a mess... I got up around 6 and began my day dealing with one supplier, then ate and then to El lllagar to get some plastic for the pond area in the office. That was about a hour trip, getting the plastic is not just walk in and fine it. Its make a factura, then walk across the hot street to the other bodega and then find the plastic and have some guy cut it then walk to the caja and have another person look at the factura,then take the product to the front and have just another person stamp the factura then pay.

After that ordeal we went to the office where began dealing with the huge pile of rocks that were dropped by Tony and another guy in the middle of the office, In the mean time Freddy the electrican/ do it all man, was punching huge wakos in the walls, and ruining all the sheet rock that the mall constructed, now I have to pay to repair the walls, because they have no other way to run the lines.

If CADE SAW THIS HE WOULD CRAP HIS PANTS... its the most ridiculous way in the world to run electrical that I ever saw. Then Trying to explain to Tony and this guy that there are other ways to do this, was nearly impossible. I finally just had to laugh thinking if they only knew, and how in the world could I explain how. Its ridiculous and most annoying but in some sense funny.
But I hope that it all gets fixed living in that space day in and day out with all the mistakes will drive me nuts... But Hey pura vida aye?

The day was spent running around gather things, checking bank accounts, paying for delivery's and really not doing much as far as work goes.



I went to see Rosie and had nice conversations with several people I have not seen in a long time. Carlos the Cable guy who's hooking me up with cable for the office, and Internet. Then I met this police officer with Rosie's boyfriend and well he was nice he called later to Rosie and told her he was interested in me... but we will see on that. But that was a nice jesture, maybe I will look into the interest.

Tomorrow I hope to finish the garden in the store, and then Sat is spent in San Jose, dropping Tony off later, then driving back alone. I don't know what the weekend will bring , but you can bet after today Im going to have a good time

Nothing New really just striving to get the office going

Nothing New, just striving to get this office open, Got news from St Regis about a 5 thousand dollar deposit totally refundable and more.. I have to get on the ball and start advertising it so we can sell these Condos, and houses for this project.

The land is all cleared ready for the infrastructure, getting it set to begin the sales. Its set in a rounded clearing with levels so that everyone that buys the property has a great three sixty view of the mountains and the sea, set right at the beach. WOW REALLY SOMETHING!

The office is not going so well, Jimmy didn't show up again and so today I threaten to kick his balls off! No just kidding but I really wanted too. I ended up telling him that if he didn't show today that I was getting someone else, AND GUESS WHAT I DID!

The sign hunt for the place is a challenge, the windows are a challenge and now the electrical is a challenge, ITS JUST A CHALLENGE ok? but I am still pushing forward and hoping that it will all come together.
Were working on projects, and more has come, Nothing said about the Disco tec yet.

God that would be so stinking cool! I have always wanted to do something with a Disco Tec! Big levels lights galore, cat walks, video screens showing all the people dancing... more...

I did go to the gym today, Man I am not doing well with the work outs lately, I need to go I do not want to be a fatty, but its difficult, and I miss my jazzercise, I can not understand why they do not have it here? Music is very important to the total world, and so it health. I Miss is so bad. The kick boxing just doesn't do it for me.

Tony and I are working late, trying to put folders together for all the projects, the communication is better because I have told a couple of people who speak WAY better Spanish than I do, AS TO what the situation is and they have explained, except for Luis today . I told him to tell Tony something and he said YEAH AND SHE HAS A LOT OF MONEY! He thought I didn't know I socked him so hard he laughed and, we all laughed. So hopefully soon things will be better on that end.

I haven't seen my cute Italian guy I met the other day, was thinking about him today, but No I didn't see him...

We have new neighbors again now with Dog, and the bottom neighbor have dog also. Just hope I don't track Dog in my house! I got up this morning and one was sitting on my porch, a female pit bull she seems timid but ya nevah know.

Tomorrow we build the pond in the office, when I get the computer to except the photos and reduce them I will show what were doing. I have someone to look at this computer and once again get it straigthened out. It just wont reduce.

Jimmy Never showed up today

Ok, Jimmy Never showed up today, he made excuses that he had car problems. The walls are not finished in the store, and he has not finished the bathroom. I was not a happy girl today. Then the floors showed up, I thought for sure the guy understood I said include the morter, the size for the cracks between the tiles and the sand for the cracks. Well he didn't he charged me for the tiles only, and then when they went to deliver I was at another job site, and Tony called saying bring the money! I said what money for whom? he said the truck wont leave the tiles unless you pay it all, well I had paid a huge amount, previously and the balance was like an eight of the total , logical, but insane that you have to have cash all the time.

Ok I had to drive from the mountain, to the location, talk to Tony who is now acting like he doesn't understand me, go to the tile store talk to the guy, then the bank cause he only takes cash. Then back to the tile store, then to the location only to find out that they delievered the Tiles only and nothing that I asked for.
Thats another day and a probably ten more trips.

But my day started with the electrician calling at 7:00 for me to meet him at the supply house to get all the electrial needs. That took four hours, and then Tony showed up with his suitcase in hand and well, took over.

We did paper work at the house for an hour, then went to location to drop off all the electrial supplies, meet the guy again, and from there is where the rest began.
Later I had a meeting with David for furniture, for my place and many others. His brother offered me to use their discount at Sur Paint. So that was a plus for the day.

While I was at the tile store, I met this guy that I sorta met last night at Davids, He was a really cute guy Italian from Jersey. He is opening a patio and garden store? Hmmm maybe I can help! or be of help? or he helps me! I rather just date him... Hes really cute and I like his smile.
But I don't think he thought a thing about me, he is probably married like all the other men I meet. But it is a nice thought!

It has been Raining allot, the days are warm, but not hot, the nights are humid and cooler. The rain is pouring, the Thunder is very loud. It cracks so hard that it shakes things. It sometimes scares me honestly.

Tomorrow another trip to San Jose to finalize some of the products for the Macaw project.

Today we got a call to design a disco Tech, so I hope that goes through... Ask Tony about it Tomorrow.

I heard from my oldest son, not much but at least he wrote a few lines.

Miss them, I will be in Portland for a few days in Novemeber. So I am sure I will see my sons at least a couple of times before I return here.

Didn't eat much today, but I am not working out like I should no time at all, I worked tonight untill ten, and started at 7:00 as I said earlier..

Its been busy, Tony and I are running fast and working on things and not getting paid yet. It is as if were working for nothing but I know that all these jobs are soon to be depositing.

I have done nothing fun or exciting, in fact its been very stressfull. The New location is coming along but Jimmy my contractor is giving me a strange feeling.

Tonight he totally took advantage of me and Tony did nothing, Not only did he get paid but he ate and drank and left me to pay the bill. At this moment I am very mad.. I feel like these people think I have dollars signs on my forehead!!!

I was so busy all day trying to accomplish anything but still after many phone calls, huge communication gaps, I do not have a sign, nor windows done, nor windows inside or anything I have been trying to accomplish for two weeks now.
Living in Costa Rica is a challange, there are I will admitt many advantages to living here and the beauty of the country is astounding, but the dealing with Ticos and the additudes are very difficult for Americans. Things just do not get done here... Can you tell im upset?

I have had a hell of week, and right now im so mad at my contractor I could strangle him.
Jimmy comes off as this nice guy but he has underlying tones about him and I know better. This is it, the men here think that American women are full of money, and they are stupid on top of it.... but I got news for them. I swear if I do not get answers in a few days I will knock some heads off. They have no idea what to do with strong women.

I am trying to be kind and trying to be patient but with this language barrier I want to scream!!!!

Then there is Tony who works like a dog and he helps me in every way he can, but I have noticed in the past weeks that he trys to be in total control, and honestly that is not good. He needs to consult with me and after all I am the boss.
Sorry just bitching and moaning right now it is hard to be a women when you have all this machismo around you.

Can you tell its been a rough week?

Things in business is good we have more contacts than I can believe but some of the situations that I have to deal with and can not explain, or discuss is really getting to me.
Maybe next week it will be better?

On a ligther note, I have not gone or seen the beach in more than two weeks , and I live less than a half block away. This is bad, I am sad that I have not had time to do much at all.
Also I wanted last week to go and do something fun but that never happened either.

I sure hope that the next few weeks are better before I leave for the USA, I have to deal with a very stressfull situation there with Setting up hotels and big businesses for the holidays and it is very hard work, there fore I hope that something comes together here, and that I at least enjoy life before I leave.

Living in Costa Rica

Living in Costa Rica is definitely different, everyday poses for something unexpected.
Its a holiday today, I got up early and cleaned up all the water that was leaking from both faucets in the apartment, it was all over the floor. I watered the plants and headed to the gym. I saw Jill there she is the new neighbor but is leaving now to go back to the USA, The apartment next door is now empty again. Wish Arya and Eric would move back in there! I did not know that Jill was moving, she got freaked out the other night by our weird neighbor, from who knows where, when he had a fit one night slamming and breaking and banging around. Its the same one that yelled one day at me for no reason.
I never told her a word about this, but When Eric and Arya lived here he burst into a fit and yelled like hell at me sitting on the porch, He told me he didn't like me and I have never talk to the man, I yelled back well I don't like you either! laughing... but he didn't think it was funny.
Jill was so freaked that she decided to just move. I need to move too, the price is so high and now I am going to be working in Herradura as well as Jaco and other places but the Virtual store is in Herradura in the lighthouse mall. Its located one block from the beach, in a first class building next to the LOS SUENOS Marriott's.

So I guess I am going to have to look fast.

When Jill was done at the Gym she stopped by and we talked about Saturday night and the fun we both had.
Then she asked for a favor for me to go and speak to her tenants and collect the rent for her??? Ok I said I will try, she wanted Tony to do it but he was not back from San Jose. I called Tony and asked where he was he said Jaco? I said ok where? he hesitated... but said no worries I will be at the house in a few minutes. I thought this was strange but didn't question it as he usually catches the bus.
We waited and waited and actually sat out front in the car but he did not come.

We drove and I acted as if I know Spanish and told the woman in the little house on the beach that I would be collecting the money on the fifth of the month.

Tony then called said he was at the house, ok I thought...
Then when we returned we discussed business did a couple of calls, then he said that his wife and his daughter were here at the beach...

Oh I thought, well you should have stayed with them? he said No were working right? I said yeah but if your family is here why didn't you just tell me and stay with them?
I found out later he slipped and said they were at LA FLOR, hmmm? now hes taking his family to our jobs and letting them use the facilities?
I asked how that was possible and he said Luis said it was ok. I don't know that didn't hit me right. For some reason the whole thing wasn't cool to me.
But I didn't say a word to him.

We continued with the day, we picked up Juan Carlos out attorney that is joining the office, went and previewed the floor I picked out and then discussed the prices, after to the new location and no work was being done, OF COURSE IT WAS A HOLIDAY, every other week is a holiday here....

LIVING IN COSTA RICA:

We then drove to the mountain again to see these stones that I asked about earlier in the week, this man called this morning on my phone and said he would sell some to us. So Tony I and Juan drove back to see. It was a farce.
We passed Elena's place, she saw us and we had to stop, she invited us to sit for a moment, we had a beer. Then Drove back to Drop off Juan, his girlfriend was near La Flor at another hotel, sick he said.

Tony and I were to meet the computer programmer for the screens, we ate a little something at Chaucaoco, a good place on the corner of the Costa Nera. Then talked about the situation of the family at LA FLOR.

LATER, returned to the location to discuss the computer system, the DVD system sound system and the flat screens. It is going to be a cinch for him to do! YEAH! well while we were there the construction crew showed up and put up all the walls in less than an hour! wow I was shocked and happy I have thought since I moved here that living in Costa Rica was different alright and you need to be patient, but this was cool. I hope that the rest of it goes this way.

Soon I am going to explain the basis of the business, but its a new idea and I Want to get open completely before I reveal everything.

We left with our smiles on and met with a gal in town who created a neat sign on a building, I asked her who did it and it was her so I said meet me tomorrow at my place I have an idea! so tomorrow should be interesting, not only with her but with my installation at the mansion on the hill our first attempt to do something in his home.
The rest of the day is meetings, and hopefully collecting money.

We need Stones for a garden so Possibly Tony can go and search for those while I am busy with people.



Aside from work I want to do something good for me, I Really wish I would meet someone, to share things with and be a partner too. Although Tony is a great man, I love him for who he is, and how he is, and does many things for me and we do many things together. Even though from the beginning it was different, now were on a working level. I still feel a void.

It is I will admit wonderful to have him here, he is a great companion. It is still not a full fledged relationship. I will not knock what we have, its great! But I need a partner!

I have been alone for so long and its growing so tiring not having that one person that is you know THE ONE.

Here in Costa Rica, many women live where their man is working or living some where else and some with someone else yet bringing home the money. Actually its kind of a good thing when you think about it for some of us.
(I rather have him home,) but here they live like that and its ok? The woman has her freedom, lives in a nice home, has a visit now and then from the hubby, or who knows? I am sure other things go on too... but one way or the other its a different life. Its like I said in a previous blog, Its strange situation for me to understand.

Guess the traditional standards do not apply here.

So you good looking men, no stuffy no grouches no slouches apply!

I had a talk with Terry and old Employee last night, funny how I am still close with many of my ex employees, and how they still say they love me!
It was fun talking to him he is at High point dealing with all the new design products that are coming out for the upcoming year! I am jealous.. wish I was there. I told him that if things go as well as they are now , by this time next year I will meet him there and figure out how to get containers of products shipped here. We will see... its possible. Anything is Possible! I want to be the best I want to provide the best for people that use me... so I guess I have to try to drive and make it happen.

Sunday rainy day

Well I did not go any where, yesterday we showed the property to Luis Messin a clients friends and now ours. We took him to see the mountain that I saw on Friday, he agreed even with a project such as a hotel or spa it would take lots of money to develope the roads the area and maybe in the future it would be good.
We stopped and saw Elena a friend of mine with her sister visiting from the USA, we had coffee and chatted and moved on to Jaco. Tony left with Luis to go back to San Jose, I drove through town to stop and talk to Jadeda and David and eat some chicken, then Jill called and asked me to go out dancing for the evening.
I saw Monica my gal that does my hair Riding on her bike down the road so I stopped and suggested that she go along with us to dance.

I came home to find Jill was partying with these israeli men down stairs, I stay away from them since earlier in the year I had a wierd experience with some of there friends who use to live here. I tried to warn her to be carefull with them but she is a bit naive, learning on her own may take time.

We went to a house after I arrive that she is house sitting and watched the two little yorkshire terrierors, and drank some wine talked a bit and then left to go out.

We came back to the apartment to change then took a taxi into town.
It was a packed night at the Monkey bar. I danced all night with the same five guys. All at once, no lie all of them fighting to dance with me at once? not one of them got angry they just moved there way closer to me and I alternated from one to the next, sometimes dancing with all five and touching them all. It was wild, but fun.. unusual but interesting, and the crowd seemed to love watching us. They were all nice, one looked exactly like Abel Coronado Jr this old friend of mine, I mean to say he was identical to him, in fact I thought it was him when I first saw him he was smiling away at me the way Able use to.. uncanny how someone has a double and when you see someones Double that you really know its freaky.

I danced till Three, Jill was running around as she always does when we go out. The American guys were all over her, the natives me. It was a fun night, nothing bad just all fun.
Today I slept till nine, then got up and ate some toast and honey, called Eida and asked her what was up for the day. Then I went over and laid out by the pool with her, the breeze today was cool and intermitant rain, it was really cool today, no sun. So no tan no color. I didn't go in the pool it was not tempting enough. We talked and snacked and then I left for home to rest , I slept and then ate some tuna and laid back in bed to search online for a good or cool design for a reception area/ bar for the new place. I can find what I want, something more Modern and yet stylish not extremly modern so that it appears cold, I want a mix of Modern and old.

Then Tony called to tell me he is still sick, took some shots to feel better, that tomorrow he wanted to go to a river to collect rocks for the garden design in the show room, other than that it was a boring day. I am still lying in bed, no calls no visits, just me...

Friday filled hot as hell

Wow what a week, getting things together is extremely difficult with the language barrier. And it gets worse when I am frustrated and stressed about things to try to speak spanish or understand it. But as soon as the keys to the store were in our hands things began to happen. The walls are up now and in a few days they will have finishes on them, a rough plaster sorta, I suggested this to the contractor. Trying to get a sign is hard, I know what I want but to translate this to Tony who doe s most of the communication, has not been easy. It feels like Tony and I are having some issues with communication more and more. I need to try harder to speak more spanish and I wish he would just try to learn english.

Working in this place with many Americans it is almost a must to be able to communicate with them. Then on the other end, I need to negotiate and doing it in English is completely out.

I have worked so hard the past couple of weeks with no money coming in, that I just feel like I need a huge break. I have to go somewhere this weeken in order to get my mind back in shape to deal with the coming weeks that are extremely busy. We have the Macaw project, Three more places In La Flor,and now two landscape jobs, and the store to complete by the time I leave in Novemeber.

I think my biggest issues now is the communication, If only I could get better. I need lessons, So I think I may just take some when I return in Novemeber.

Today was Hot as hell here, I melted about five times and felt like I was going to faint once while we were in the store measuring for the bar area and reception desk, Tony was sweating like a hot as usual, David was there one of our furniture makers, and the construction guys were drilling away. It was swelltering in there, the humidity level felt like it was pure sauna.

We Went and saw some beautiful property early in the morning that I thought I was going to purchase, but it was so far in the mountains, beautiful I addmit and sad to say no, the road was rough as ever a river was flowing down it, birds were everywhere and the lush surrounds were sure tempting. But I told Tony what would a single woman solo with a car that she hates to get dirty, do way back here alone? When we left I said to Tony that I felt like I was solo in the world forever... I found out later in the evening he did not like me to say that, I was shocked that he brought it up.

Then after we had a meeting at the Macaw with a owner and some finance people. Wow it was hot, later we met at the store and struggled with the design of things, then to La flor, the bank the met the contractor to pay him, finally after the whole day went by we ate, had a beer then I had my hair died again. I took some of the blonde out. Now I do not know if I like it.

I believe as I said I should go somewhere this weekend, just to feel the peace of Costa Rica.

OCT 12th

Weds, the whole day I was quiet, just needed to think, Tony came to pick me up and the car was all cleaned and looking sharp, Tony was too.. I didn't say much, just quiet most of the day. Contemplating the jobs, and thinking about my own worries.. Kinda of an inward day and for me that is not very often.

Tony did not know what to say or think, I just hummed and stared outside when we were driving. But as soon as we found a new vendor or went to some place new I perked up and talked and joked like my normal self. It was about being alone, My children, and how my life is changing so quickly here, and no one to really talk to about it.

Tony and I talk but the communication sometimes is horrible. So rather than try to explain my feelings today, I just held onto them, and well I think it gave him some space from me.
Gaining new connections was fun, but I didn't share my thoughts about it.Then I told Tony I am driving home tonight, I think he was happy since he drives all the time, and although he loves it, today especially since the day before was trying and now I was moody or quiet, it probably stressed him out.
I took the wheel after we ate at the Out back. Then picked up some exotic plants I bought and cool tall stone pillar fountain for the store. I drove back to Jaco in the pouring down rain. It was already dark and Well I think I scared the pants off of him. In the end when we were nearing the house I drove fast, he was hanging on. I had to use the rest room and I couldn't wait any longer.

We got here loaded to the top with things of todays run, I ran upstairs to find that the tollet was stopped up. I yelled for Tony since I didn't have a plunger, I thought perhaps he knew some how to unplug it, but he broke the scrubber in it and that got stuck, I was jumping around no lie I had to go so bad.... laughing on top of that so that broke the silence of the day. He finally left and went to the maxi bodega to get a plunger, and some fruit for the morning.
I tried to down load my printer when I screwed that up and had to call Brian my landlords son to walk me though on the phone for and hour and half to get the damn thing straightened out.

Wow ok, then I worked on the computer for two or more hours, trying to put prices together for work.

Tomorrow is filled with meetings, and going to the new site with the architect, I am very excited about that.

I know were going to do well its already happening. Tonight was funny actually but I didn't let Tony know, that I thought it was. He had folders all over the little sofa, all over the counter, on the chairs, and books and notes and fabrics and well crap ok.. I had to laugh, poor guy hes exhausted. I wore him out, it was a sight.

Although I was quiet today, I did say thanks many times to the lord, for my life and for what I have. Its not allot but I am very greatfull for the gifts that I was giving. Its for me to give back.. and I plan on doing that.

Again in San jose

The site from the top of the mountain when coming and going to Jaco, and one of our mansions were doing that is Herruardo, and Tony.










Well I signed all the contracts and it is offical, the Store will open soon I hope. Were working on the details and also jobs on top of that.

Tony dropped me off tonight to stay in this crapy hotel, where the planes fly over alot. GOD I HOPE I SLEEP. I been chatting on line to my old friend Jon Dicky, he is hillarious, we were discussing Tony, and well his weird situation, how anyone could deal with this is beyound my thinking. But I am dealing with it, and Well I hope just Hope that Jon is wrong. I think that Jon is worried that Tony may try to take advantage of me, and it may be a difficult situation for me to continue to deal with. BUT I AM STRONG, and all I know is that Tony has helped me tremendiously, I don't understand our arrangement, but what ever it is I am riding it out and enjoying it while it lasts.

We work together, we play together, we eat together, and dance together, laugh and do many things but nothing intimate. He stays about 6 days a week in my house, goes to his house one day or so and returns. He loves the work and what we do, so I am not going to knock this untill things are no longer good. At this point things are great, would like it to be different but hey you can't have everything I guess!

I found the most beautiful things today, I connection for Stone floors and stone bathroom sinks, and back splashes that are so beautiful. I found a importer of furnishings that were stunning, and bought a killer chase lounge, louie the 16th, all leather with rolled pillows for the show room. ITS OUTSTANDING PHOTOS TO COME.

I also met a gal who does very refined custom leather furnishings and I may have contracted her to make these chairs I wanted for the sala, the living area of the store. I will see how much she wants I bet its not cheap. But the fact that it is all custom made is such a cool thing. Yep Tony and I ran around all day, for some reason he was very tired, I don't know what it was but he was extremely exhausted and I noticed yesterday as well, he was not him self. Didn't respond much and didn't feel like working, Just one of those weeks.
Me, my stomach has been bothering me alot, don't know what it is but it tends to hurt bad right after I eat.

I heard from Jordan my younger son, he told me that Julian is walking all over and showed me online with his web cam. It wsa so cute. Julian is a very happy baby with blueish eyes and dark hair and round round face. Jordan is tired, working alot, need to get some excersize I see it in his face. He said he misses me alot I told him I miss him too and was happy to finally after all these weeks talk to him.

Will be going to the States in November, not that I really want to return to do the Holiday work but I am going to do it cause I need all the help I can get now that I am commited to this place. I would like to see my children, but I think I will leave that up to them. Its a strange situation as well, I love them but I know there busy.
I will be in Portland for 12 days, I have no desire to spend Christmas there, I really know why, Its the weather, its the memory of How the holidays are and well its just not the same for me any more with the kids.
It sounds cold and selfish when I write this about not wanting to do Christmas in Portland but, the relationships are strained, no one gets along, I love them all, but there are still bad feelings. Even towards me, honestly I have tried to be good, tried to say Im sorry for whatever I have done, I flew to Portland for my sons birthday but the response was not like I thought it would be. I thought perhaps things would be good, that My son would be happy that I was there to see him, but we didn't talk much at all. and Well I left with a lump in my throat thinking that it was a mistake for me to try to surprise him with my presents for his special day.

In saying this, I want to clarify that I will continue to love my children no matter what the problem is that they have with me.. Maybe they have none, but I wouldn't know since the communication is so little that one would think something is wrong.


On to a lighter subject...
The food lately has not been good to me, the only food that taste good to me is Tony's or mine. We had dinner several nights with two different couples and it was fun cooking for others.
We actuall cook well together, Tony is a great cook.

I saw Milo this week did I mention this? It was a dumb situation, he didn't apologize for his actions, he didn't complement me on how nice or cute or anything the hair nothing, he didn't ask if I wanted to go to restauant and talk or have a drink and just have some time to discuss how he felt, but he did invite me to his hotel and to dump Tony. In my thinking he is really wrong,
What a way to treat a lady one he says is his sould mate??? Later After Tony saw my face and saw how I felt, he said Hey dont be sad... he tried everything to make me laugh, then He then asked???
Did he asked to talk to you or apologize for the way he was before? I said no and its as well, Its obvious he is not for me. I cried a little not because of Milo but because the disapointment of men.
Tony right away tried to do something to make me happy, I thought that was cute, but It didn't work I needed time to think about this ridiculous situation that I allowed to happened.

Well the rain is making nice sounds on the roof here in the hotel, I suppose were going to get an early start in the morning. We have alot to accomplish tomorrow, then return to Jaco, and Thursday is filled up with Meetings all day, the architect at La Flor and my architect, the owners of an office were doing, a sign man, a window man, a constuction guy and one furniture maker, and the owner of the manison that is posted. Wow ok why did I move here????

Whirlwind week

The wicker maker doing a sofa, the tree in the lot I wanted to buy but it was already sold by the time Tony and I go the appointment, The Toucan in my window who actually tried to enter the house twice.







Time is flying as I become more and more involved with this design work here in Costa Rica, it seems I am going to San Jose more and more. Tony and I have been spinning like a top which was something I wanted to get away from when I left the USA. But the rewards and the fun we have inbetween that is so different than I ever was used to in the USA.
We are now fully indrenched in my own place. The Construction will hopefully begin this week on the build out of a new idea I have had. A virtual Showroom, in which we sell all the products needed to supply a home for a turn key operation here in Costa Rica. Not Only will be design, and supply, but the attorneys that are joining me will do all the legal contracts for Condos, or sales of properties that we will also be in volved with. As of now, I have three projects to sell, one is my landlord really nice Condos that he is building here on the property where I live, that are three story and first class all the way, we will be involved with the planning of the interior, the garden design, and now the sales in the office, then there is Diasa, towers in the La flor Project and in Bejuco, as well as Guanacaste, they have asked us to help sell theres, and consult with all the interior design as well, this is down the road but we will have the plans and all the information in the virutal showroom on big screens to present to the clients, and I signed a contract for the ST REGIS resort so I will be a broker for this resort as well and my other jobs. The design end is were I love to be, the other is a great way to meet people and make money, I will have to have some sales people to help and a bigger staff but we are working on that as I blog.

It is very difficult here to supply the normal things you would go to target for or Wal mart, or the nearest Home Depot. But I have managed with Tony's help to come up with some very similar products for clients, and or all custom made furnishings and products that are as good. Actually its kinda fun to see how the things turn out when we hire an artisan here to produce things for the homes.

Our place is located in a new mall on or near the beach, actually right near the LOS SUENOS RESORT its owned my marriots, the mall is super first class,and was very difficult to get into, but I made it and now the plans and money begins. We are having an indoor garden to show people something you can do in your condo, home or a little example of what we can do outside as well, at this time I am doing a nice mansion in Aluejula where I am involved with the garden, and the interior, FUN! then on the front window, and by the way this mall has high security, we will have a flat screen tv that runs all day and night with the projects were working on the products I have had made for the other homes, and the project or developments we represent. AS you enter is a custom made bar area with drop lights, all granite top on the bar, with back counters as well and the side counter will have the computers, the printers and all our nessesary needs for the showroom. To the left of the garden which is nice size will be a beautiful hand made chase lounge, in the center of the room is custom made leather furnishings in dark colors bronze for sitting relaxing and using the remote on another flat screen to view our presentations from many artisans and projects, that wall is brown, with beautiful custom made floor to cieling drapes on a remote. Then there is sandblasted glass walls to divide the offices. We have four offices in the back and a conference room, a small bathroom which I plan on changing all the time, as well as the viewing area, we can sell the furnishings and plan a new viewing area. It is a very different idea but everyone we share this with things its cool and will work! I am looking for an office person to help with the phones and the appointments and presentations, I have a computer person, and now someone do to the finances, at this point a manager, attorney one designer, and hopefully soon a manager for the property management part of the business. She will be in charge of the rentals, of the properties, and the employees who clean and repair and take care of the propertys. The attorneys will handle all moneys for the clients.

Its a big project, but I am excited to be doing something entirely different. Soon I have to go back to the States to do my old job which I do not enjoy. I do hotels and restuarants for the holidays, also Sharp electronics and a few more. I will only be there a couple of weeks this time, I have no desire to stay. I need to get back and get on with my life here.

I have not heard from my children, although I have tried to contact them many times. I do not understand but, they probably are so involved with there own lives, that what I am doing or how I am is not a thought. I tell myself its ok, I love them anyway, and maybe someday they will be more in contact with me and let me know they care.

I have great friends here, and super cool clients. I miss my old friends and have contacted them as well but it seems that everyone over there is so busy that they have no time to even drop a line, so I just continue and keep tyring every now and then to send a line to them to say hello and how are you and thinking about you.

I have not been working out much, I have not had time lately, but I plan on it.. hate how I feel.
Tony is at his house today, and I am here alone just working on the computer, I plan on going to the pool at la Flor later.

I also have a project here Im working on its called MACAW, I think they have a website too, but if I get this contract it could be a nice little future for me also.

This computer I bought was all set up in spanish remember? it kept doing weird things so I paid another person Sat to change all the programs and now I have a normal program but am still having problems getting my photos to down load into the my photos its stuck in adobe. STUPID COMPUTER OR STUPID PERSON MORE LIKE IT!!

The weather here is warm as usual, but the nights are cooler and cooler.. lots of rain now, its winter all the way, soon in Oct it will be very rainy, then Novemeber is the worst. I will leave about mid Nov, and be back two weeks later.

I will not spend Christmas in the states again. Its too hectic, the traffic is horrible and I hate that you have to fight to buy things. It sounds bad I know, but I wish my kids would just have a nice celebration with me while I am there and leave it at that. But as it looks probably not, haven't talk to either since Aug.

I was missing family the other day, wish they would just come and see... but I have stopped trying to talk to either about it, I know it won't happen. I invited a couple of my friends to come and stay with me, but have not heard either. So many people come here its not funny, I am just amazed at the amount of people coming to Costa Rica.

I asked Tony yesterday if he resented the fact that so many are coming and living here? he said MARI.. NO I love the GRINGOS most of them are cool and look at our work!! with out them maybe you no work!! I said yeah huh.. Tony is cool, I know I have said this but he is.
I am so happy that he is in my life, as a protector, a helper, a friend.

He always encourages me to keep going, tells me how good I am and assures me that I have good friends here. That helps when your missing people.

I try to do the same with others, change my life, and add to theres, I lend a hand when I should, lend money and do what I can for people. Life is good, I am happy...

The next day after Fiesta

We stayed at the fiesta for quite some time, the next day we had alot to do but both of us were dragging our heels. Although we did accomplish alot for the future jobs.

We came home around 10 at night only after stopping at Olandos for some time to talk and discuss the new furniture orders, but as it stands I do not know if Orlando will be doing things for us again, He hasn't repaired some items that needed it, its been like five weeks and still no action. Tony was upset with him and I was too, but it seemed they were strained about this situation. We were getting ready to leave to go back to Jaco, when this young man walked up to Orlando, to question him if he would buy something from him so he could eat. The guy had a rock for sale, yeah a rock.
Tony said what kind of Rock he said it had been in his family for a long time, Tony said lets see it. So we drove over to this kids house, he was riding his bike very fast happy that possibly he was going to sell something in order to eat.

Tony offered him 6 thousand colones, which amounts to about 12 dollars or more. The kid came carring this very heavy almost weighing him down rock. It was huge, I couldn't really see what it was because we were in a pitch black area with no street lights and he came from the back of his house.
When Tony and I both saw it it was an old artifact, a carved out rock of Lava. like something that was used to ground food or roots or something, it could have been a sink of some sort for a chief Indian. I don't know exactly but as soon as I get this computer figure out in english will photo it and put it online. It is very cool, well now its in my house on a pedistool. We used it last night filled it with water and I put floating candles in it. It looked great really different.
I made a great dinner last night for Jill and Rich the new neighbors, Tony and I and them drank wine and had Spaggetti with Italian sausages, a great salad with gorgonzola, and feta cheese. Garlic bread and yummy wine that they new ones brought. We spent the evening chatting and just having a nice time hanging out.
The rock is in the entrance of the apartment and it looks so cool! I was happy with my gift.
Today I looked at it closely, its been shaped flat on one side, the others are rounded and it has a whole the shape of someones face. Big enough to wash your face in, but it may be for something else. I don't know as I said but it is really nice.

Today was started with aerobics, and then a small breakfast of mango and one toast. I tried to work on the computer. I had Tony calling all our sources and making sure things were getting bids for the new jobs. We called about the mall, but no answer yet.
Then we went into town to see if Miguel a freind of Tony's could change this computer from Spanish to English, but it didn't work. Its locked and you have to down load all new softwear. The Office depot didn't give me anything to do it with. I need help. I tried to call a guy here who does computers but he was so busy he said maybe at 8 tonight but IT'S COSTA RICA<>
We went to la Flor and changed somethings for a new client that is coming and has not seen his house, the partner has and has been staying in the house a couple of times now, but the new partner has not seen a thing. So I went cleaned it up for him for free, watered the plants and just simply took some care. Then we met with David and Jadeda about an order by this time it was 7:00, we went and ate and now Tony is snorring like a saw mill, and I am sitting on the bed blogging.
I sure hope tomorrow I can get this computer going better. I need to do invoices and bids and spread sheets. HELP ANYONE HELP!!!